Anonymous wrote:I have been trying to lose weight for my niece's wedding. I'm a size 12, not small. I never discuss diet with anyone other than my DH or sister. That's private to me. I don't want people analysing my body/ weight loss. I don't want comments when I have gained or lost weight.

So, I ended up losing 10-15 lbs for the wedding. Nobody commented since it's not that noticeable, except my one aunt. She commented that I look like I lost weight, I said " no, not really". Because I don't want to talk about it, plus I weigh the same as the last time this aunt saw me.
She says YES you did lose weight.
I changed the topic. Then it dawned on my that my sister told her I was dieting.
I asked my sister if she told her that I was trying to lose weight and she said YES.

WTF? Why would she tell my aunt about MY diet. So weird.

YES I know it's not a huge deal. But would this annoy you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing. Many of us who are larger have been shamed about our weight and appearance for years. This can result in a situation where you are extremely sensitive about your weight and your body. I currently avoiding being in photographs for this reason. Even when I lose weight, I am really uncomfortable with people mentioning it because:
a. the subtext is "You look so much better. Geez, you used to be so fat and disgusting!"
b. I am uncomfortable with anyone telling me something that implies that they are looking and have been looking at my body - because chances are, in the past they were not admiring it.
c. Telling me that I look great, or I look better or that I am doing a good job with my weight loss is extremely condescending, and you are acting from a position of privilege as a thin person in rewarding me with a compliment -- which I didn't ask for, don't want, and don't acknowledge that you have the power to go around handing out.
d. It's intrusive and inappropriate. It crosses boundaries. Just because I am in public doesn't give you the right to comment on my body. I may very well have noticed your new boob job, but I"m not going to say "Hey, I think your new boobs look great. Maybe now your husband will stop screwing around on you."

You said it extremely well. My body is not a topic of discussion, thanks.

Agree with all of this. I don't give body compliments at all--I prefer to compliment people on a new hairstyle, flattering dress, or even just let them know how happy I am to see them. Weight is such a minefield for so many people; why do we need to go there at all?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand why you're not thrilled that your sister told your aunt about your diet. But I think you're making too much out of this. Your sister told your aunt you were on a diet. Your aunt noticed that you had lost some weight, and commented on it, probably meaning to encourage you. You lied and denied it, which is just bizarre. Why not just say, "Oh, yeah, thanks."? I'm sure your aunt told your sister about your lie, because it's really weird.

But my aunt noticed nothing because the last time I saw this aunt--I weighed the same as I did at the wedding. When I saw aunt before this I was thinner. So I am the same size as she previously saw me at. It was really stretching it for her to comment on this.

Many people are vague about their weight loss. In fact, I was not lying about it-- I didn't lose weight from when she saw me. But even if I did,I may have responded the same way, TBH.

I also felt something when I denied it, she was so sure that I lost weight- it felt fake. That's what made me realize my sister told her.

It was a lie. You are the one in the wrong here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing. Many of us who are larger have been shamed about our weight and appearance for years. This can result in a situation where you are extremely sensitive about your weight and your body. I currently avoiding being in photographs for this reason. Even when I lose weight, I am really uncomfortable with people mentioning it because:
a. the subtext is "You look so much better. Geez, you used to be so fat and disgusting!"
b. I am uncomfortable with anyone telling me something that implies that they are looking and have been looking at my body - because chances are, in the past they were not admiring it.
c. Telling me that I look great, or I look better or that I am doing a good job with my weight loss is extremely condescending, and you are acting from a position of privilege as a thin person in rewarding me with a compliment -- which I didn't ask for, don't want, and don't acknowledge that you have the power to go around handing out.
d. It's intrusive and inappropriate. It crosses boundaries. Just because I am in public doesn't give you the right to comment on my body. I may very well have noticed your new boob job, but I"m not going to say "Hey, I think your new boobs look great. Maybe now your husband will stop screwing around on you."

You said it extremely well. My body is not a topic of discussion, thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand why you're not thrilled that your sister told your aunt about your diet. But I think you're making too much out of this. Your sister told your aunt you were on a diet. Your aunt noticed that you had lost some weight, and commented on it, probably meaning to encourage you. You lied and denied it, which is just bizarre. Why not just say, "Oh, yeah, thanks."? I'm sure your aunt told your sister about your lie, because it's really weird.

But my aunt noticed nothing because the last time I saw this aunt--I weighed the same as I did at the wedding. When I saw aunt before this I was thinner. So I am the same size as she previously saw me at. It was really stretching it for her to comment on this.

Many people are vague about their weight loss. In fact, I was not lying about it-- I didn't lose weight from when she saw me. But even if I did,I may have responded the same way, TBH.

I also felt something when I denied it, she was so sure that I lost weight- it felt fake. That's what made me realize my sister told her.

It was a lie. You are the one in the wrong here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand why you're not thrilled that your sister told your aunt about your diet. But I think you're making too much out of this. Your sister told your aunt you were on a diet. Your aunt noticed that you had lost some weight, and commented on it, probably meaning to encourage you. You lied and denied it, which is just bizarre. Why not just say, "Oh, yeah, thanks."? I'm sure your aunt told your sister about your lie, because it's really weird.

But my aunt noticed nothing because the last time I saw this aunt--I weighed the same as I did at the wedding. When I saw aunt before this I was thinner. So I am the same size as she previously saw me at. It was really stretching it for her to comment on this.

Many people are vague about their weight loss. In fact, I was not lying about it-- I didn't lose weight from when she saw me. But even if I did,I may have responded the same way, TBH.

I also felt something when I denied it, she was so sure that I lost weight- it felt fake. That's what made me realize my sister told her.

It was a lie. You are the one in the wrong here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand why you're not thrilled that your sister told your aunt about your diet. But I think you're making too much out of this. Your sister told your aunt you were on a diet. Your aunt noticed that you had lost some weight, and commented on it, probably meaning to encourage you. You lied and denied it, which is just bizarre. Why not just say, "Oh, yeah, thanks."? I'm sure your aunt told your sister about your lie, because it's really weird.

But my aunt noticed nothing because the last time I saw this aunt--I weighed the same as I did at the wedding. When I saw aunt before this I was thinner. So I am the same size as she previously saw me at. It was really stretching it for her to comment on this.

Many people are vague about their weight loss. In fact, I was not lying about it-- I didn't lose weight from when she saw me. But even if I did,I may have responded the same way, TBH.

I also felt something when I denied it, she was so sure that I lost weight- it felt fake. That's what made me realize my sister told her.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand why you're not thrilled that your sister told your aunt about your diet. But I think you're making too much out of this. Your sister told your aunt you were on a diet. Your aunt noticed that you had lost some weight, and commented on it, probably meaning to encourage you. You lied and denied it, which is just bizarre. Why not just say, "Oh, yeah, thanks."? I'm sure your aunt told your sister about your lie, because it's really weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is though. No matter how much you say it isn't. So just get over it.

Many people agree with OP

They don't, actually. People are saying that private matters shouldn't be up for public discourse. However the reality is that sometimes they are, even by well-meaning friends and family who love you. So the moral here is that unless you want to live your life perpetually offended and betrayed, you'd better try to think about something else!

You sound like a busy body who has a lot invested in being a busy body. You sound like that lady in church who says to her prayer circle, "Let's all pray for Judy. I heard that she and Bobby are having marital problems."
Discussing other people's personal business is not loving and well-meaning. It is gossip.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is though. No matter how much you say it isn't. So just get over it.

Many people agree with OP

They don't, actually. People are saying that private matters shouldn't be up for public discourse. However the reality is that sometimes they are, even by well-meaning friends and family who love you. So the moral here is that unless you want to live your life perpetually offended and betrayed, you'd better try to think about something else!

Anonymous wrote:You sister can say whatever she wants to whom ever she wants

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is though. No matter how much you say it isn't. So just get over it.

Can we talk about people's teeth then? Or their noses?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is though. No matter how much you say it isn't. So just get over it.

Many people agree with OP