Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

How old is your girlfriend?

I'm 40, she's 36.

Oh you seem younger.

How so? Because I want to get married?

No. Your reasoning and thought process seems very naive.

+1. I thought he was mid-twenties, max.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well in this day and age you dont need to be formally married. Marriage doesnt equal commitment and vice versa. Don't push it, just live your life and things will fall in place.

But I don't want us to become another unwed couple bringing an innocent baby into the world.

I really hate the term "innocent baby". It won't be innocent for long, don't worry, and your marital status won't affect it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another question for you , OP

Are you financially supporting this woman and her child in anyway?

Buying lavish gifts?

Not at all. She has her own, I have my own. I buy them gifts for birthdays and Christmas, and occasionally send flowers to her job so nothing to lavish.

Okay so what about her is so great that you can overlook not sharing values?

How much dating experience did you have when you met her?

She's a great person, she has a big heart, a great sense of humor, and she's a great mother. Believe it or not, we do have a lot in common. I've never felt connected to any other woman before that's why I feel like she's the one I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

I've had a few girlfriends in the past, one relationship lasted 7 years until she cheated and got engaged to someone else. So I understand where she's coming from about worrying about getting cheated on again. However, I know they're two different people, and I'm not going to hold her responsible for what someone did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know two longtime committed couples who aren't married but have kids and their relationships have lasted longer than those of friends who got married.

But you want to be married and she doesn't so that's really the end of it. Say goodbye and move on.

I know couples who have been married 50 + years.
I know longterm couples that split after 10 years and it's not any easier on the kids.

Besides, this isn't about if people can have kids and not be married.

Mhmm, which is why I said there at the end, "But you want to be married and she doesn't so that's really the end of it. Say goodbye and move on."

Reading is fundamental, but I can see common sense is not that common.

OP, if this is such a big deal for your, you should cut your losses and find another person who would want to be married and have kids in that manner. But only you know if this is a deal breaker. She may change her mind, but she may not, and you should operate under the assumption that she will stay the way she is now. I don't think she's being selfish, but she has a point of view that is in direct contradiction to your point of view and you portray her as intractable. I think it's totally reasonable to want to be married, and you still have time to find someone else if you want to. You don't have a ton of time to contemplate this with your girlfriend because fertility is an issue more for women and if you wait another four years, the chances of having a baby at all would be low.

So, make a decision. Either accept that marriage is not part of the deal with this woman and stay and put that dream behind you, or realize that marriage is actually too important to you and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another question for you , OP

Are you financially supporting this woman and her child in anyway?

Buying lavish gifts?

Not at all. She has her own, I have my own. I buy them gifts for birthdays and Christmas, and occasionally send flowers to her job so nothing to lavish.

Okay so what about her is so great that you can overlook not sharing values?

How much dating experience did you have when you met her?

Anonymous wrote:Op run away. If the rolls were reversed, she would be nothing but tail lights. If you were a woman everyone would be telling you to end it.

That advice has been given.

OP has stated he'd be happy with things as they are.

Given that you can't change someone else's mind, I'm not sure what he's doing here.

Perhaps he's also fond of pondering rocks and watching paint dry.

Anonymous wrote:Another question for you , OP

Are you financially supporting this woman and her child in anyway?

Buying lavish gifts?

Not at all. She has her own, I have my own. I buy them gifts for birthdays and Christmas, and occasionally send flowers to her job so nothing to lavish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, what's the rush? Serious question.

I say this as a recently remarried 42 year old mother of a teen who also swore up and down she would never remarry. I'm not saying your gf will change her mind, OR that you should change yours, but this isn't an emergency. Are you feeling like you're at a crossroads where you stay or go?

While not an emergency it's been 3 years. I think things are pretty well established at this point.

OP here, that's exactly it.

Op run away. If the rolls were reversed, she would be nothing but tail lights. If you were a woman everyone would be telling you to end it.

Anonymous wrote:Op, what's the rush? Serious question.

I say this as a recently remarried 42 year old mother of a teen who also swore up and down she would never remarry. I'm not saying your gf will change her mind, OR that you should change yours, but this isn't an emergency. Are you feeling like you're at a crossroads where you stay or go?

While not an emergency it's been 3 years. I think things are pretty well established at this point.

Another question for you , OP

Are you financially supporting this woman and her child in anyway?

Buying lavish gifts?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

How old is your girlfriend?

I'm 40, she's 36.

Oh you seem younger.

How so? Because I want to get married?

No. Your reasoning and thought process seems very naive.

It's naive that I want to be married first before I bring a child into this world? Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

No I happen to agree with you there. I would think someone who is 40 would be a more able o sift through a situation and see it for what it is. Your woe is me I just can't figure this out attitude seems more in line with someone who is 25 and doesn't have much relationship experience .

Op, what's the rush? Serious question.

I say this as a recently remarried 42 year old mother of a teen who also swore up and down she would never remarry. I'm not saying your gf will change her mind, OR that you should change yours, but this isn't an emergency. Are you feeling like you're at a crossroads where you stay or go?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

How old is your girlfriend?

I'm 40, she's 36.

Oh you seem younger.

How so? Because I want to get married?

No. Your reasoning and thought process seems very naive.

It's naive that I want to be married first before I bring a child into this world? Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?