Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many thanks to the PPs who took the time to write supportive responses. Bedtime tonight was the usual wrangle, but as I got them to wind down I had that sinking feeling as I thought about how much I'm going to miss them. But yes, I am doing this for them even more than for myself.

lol keep telling yourself that.
How so?

Well, let's see. If I don't go, I will be fired and will never work in this industry again as I will burn every bridge I've built over a decade. Without my salary, we won't be able to pay our mortgage. Those seem like important reasons to me. I understand that you disagree, but it isn't your life or family. I am doing what I think is best and I'm not questioning my decision.

Can I ask you honestly:
Do you really think they would fire you?
Aren't you being dramatic about never working in the industry because you chose not to leave your kids for three months?
I can't imagine a workplace would fire someone.
Couldn't you find another job?

You seem naive. Do you work?

Yes I do work.

OP, there is at least one job in my field that I am interested in that requires 120 days of travel per year to a location that my family could not travel to. Me traveling home would not be possible either. It would be a long shot for me to get this job, but all I would be able to do is maybe Skype and send mail. I would go in a heartbeat. There are maybe 30 people in the world who are able to do this job. The experience would be priceless.

I would suggest Skype and FaceTime on their schedule. Mail is a good idea. Maybe a small gift each week -- like a puzzle or a coloring book. Simple stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many thanks to the PPs who took the time to write supportive responses. Bedtime tonight was the usual wrangle, but as I got them to wind down I had that sinking feeling as I thought about how much I'm going to miss them. But yes, I am doing this for them even more than for myself.

lol keep telling yourself that.
How so?

Well, let's see. If I don't go, I will be fired and will never work in this industry again as I will burn every bridge I've built over a decade. Without my salary, we won't be able to pay our mortgage. Those seem like important reasons to me. I understand that you disagree, but it isn't your life or family. I am doing what I think is best and I'm not questioning my decision.

Can I ask you honestly:
Do you really think they would fire you?
Aren't you being dramatic about never working in the industry because you chose not to leave your kids for three months?
I can't imagine a workplace would fire someone.
Couldn't you find another job?

You seem naive. Do you work?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you'll be fine, and so will the kids. So many jealous haters in this thread. Their helicopter ways are going to drive their kids to drinking and drugs in the teenage years anyway, so don't fret. Do what you can within reason to stay in touch with the kids. Honestly, they won't really remember this blip on the radar, except how much it meant to them to see you and hear from you.

Having absentee parents will also lead to teen alcohol / drug use.

Watch out for your little ones OP because they could slip out of the house while you're gone with some stolen cash to buy some weed. The kids won't even remember this OP. Really.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many thanks to the PPs who took the time to write supportive responses. Bedtime tonight was the usual wrangle, but as I got them to wind down I had that sinking feeling as I thought about how much I'm going to miss them. But yes, I am doing this for them even more than for myself.

lol keep telling yourself that.
How so?

Well, let's see. If I don't go, I will be fired and will never work in this industry again as I will burn every bridge I've built over a decade. Without my salary, we won't be able to pay our mortgage. Those seem like important reasons to me. I understand that you disagree, but it isn't your life or family. I am doing what I think is best and I'm not questioning my decision.

Can I ask you honestly:
Do you really think they would fire you?
Aren't you being dramatic about never working in the industry because you chose not to leave your kids for three months?
I can't imagine a workplace would fire someone.
Couldn't you find another job?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you'll be fine, and so will the kids. So many jealous haters in this thread. Their helicopter ways are going to drive their kids to drinking and drugs in the teenage years anyway, so don't fret. Do what you can within reason to stay in touch with the kids. Honestly, they won't really remember this blip on the radar, except how much it meant to them to see you and hear from you.

Having absentee parents will also lead to teen alcohol / drug use.

OP- I am glad you are ignoring the people who are judging you. I think it great that you are trying to come up with ways to make it easier on your kids. When I was little my Dad was stationed overseas and my mom brought my sister and I home when she had my brother (we were 2 and 3 at the time). We stayed for 4 months before we were able to return home. I do not remember being away from my dad or I don't have any lasting issues because we were apart. I think we talked to my dad on the phone and sent him letters.

You are going to miss your kids terribly, but I agree with having a picture sent everyday. I would send them postcards because all kids like getting mail.

Good luck on your assignment!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many thanks to the PPs who took the time to write supportive responses. Bedtime tonight was the usual wrangle, but as I got them to wind down I had that sinking feeling as I thought about how much I'm going to miss them. But yes, I am doing this for them even more than for myself.

lol keep telling yourself that.
How so?

Well, let's see. If I don't go, I will be fired and will never work in this industry again as I will burn every bridge I've built over a decade. Without my salary, we won't be able to pay our mortgage. Those seem like important reasons to me. I understand that you disagree, but it isn't your life or family. I am doing what I think is best and I'm not questioning my decision.

OP, you'll be fine, and so will the kids. So many jealous haters in this thread. Their helicopter ways are going to drive their kids to drinking and drugs in the teenage years anyway, so don't fret. Do what you can within reason to stay in touch with the kids. Honestly, they won't really remember this blip on the radar, except how much it meant to them to see you and hear from you.

Anonymous wrote:Many thanks to the PPs who took the time to write supportive responses. Bedtime tonight was the usual wrangle, but as I got them to wind down I had that sinking feeling as I thought about how much I'm going to miss them. But yes, I am doing this for them even more than for myself.

lol keep telling yourself that.
How so?

Many thanks to the PPs who took the time to write supportive responses. Bedtime tonight was the usual wrangle, but as I got them to wind down I had that sinking feeling as I thought about how much I'm going to miss them. But yes, I am doing this for them even more than for myself.

Personally, I think three months is too long for either parent to be gone, except in the military context. Both Dh and I really try to limit travel, and I think two weeks would be a max for either of us, Other people obviously make different choices.

OP - I'm sorry you have faced so much judgement here. YOu are right that people would be much more understanding if you were male. For what it is worth, I have done this for just under four months. It wasn't easy and the days leading up to going away were very angst-ridden for me. But you know, we go through it just fine. I'd add that there were even some positives: DH was forced to become much more hands-on and developed a brilliant and stronger relationship with the kids.

We got through it by being up front with the kids about what was happening and how long it would last, Skype on a regular basis, DH sticking to routines with the kids so that everything else felt familiar for them and a one trip to break it up.

It really isn't the end of the world. My relationship with the kids didn't suffer at all. In the scheme of things, three months isn't that long and you will all manage. The worst bit will be the judgement from those who want to feel better parents…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious what do your parents and in laws think of this?

Three are living and all three are completely supportive. DH's parents can't travel due to health issues but my mother can and she will be visiting once or possibly twice during the 3 months. And no, we aren't struggling financially at all, but we would be without my job. And, this is probably irrelevant to those of you who've written me off as a selfish and bad mother, but this something I've been working towards for a long time and something I care a lot about.

It doesn't matter what your parents think OP. PP's who are being mean - stop.

OP, go. There is nothing wrong with you being away from home for 3 months. Or longer. Your kids will be fine. They will have a great time with dad, and they will have some great adventures with him, and you will get to do something that sounds important for your career. It is not selfish to work toward advancement in your career. It is important. I would argue that its important for your kids to see as well - so that they know that you are a human being with ambitions outside of motherhood. They can see dad step up to help you with your career, the same way you probably step up when he needs it. And he sounds competent and loving, even if he doesn't do things the same way you would.

Part of this is a rant on society - mothers are seen as such one-dimensional people that it makes me insane. We're not allowed any ambition that might disrupt the balance at home, or that could cause some temporary unhappiness for our children. If we do choose to pursue our career we're selfish (unless it occurs during the school day, and we can still make it to all the events), know we shouldn't do it, and should stop so that no one is offended. I hate it. OP is leaving her children with their PARENT, not a drug dealer, therefore she is not doing anything neglectful or inappropriate. Saying she will miss them does not mean she should stay home and throw away the opportunity - it means she should take pictures with her and have her husband text her photos of all the fun they have so she can see that they are OK.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious what do your parents and in laws think of this?

Three are living and all three are completely supportive. DH's parents can't travel due to health issues but my mother can and she will be visiting once or possibly twice during the 3 months. And no, we aren't struggling financially at all, but we would be without my job. And, this is probably irrelevant to those of you who've written me off as a selfish and bad mother, but this something I've been working towards for a long time and something I care a lot about.

Seems you care about it more than your kids.