Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I highly recommend two books by John McKinnon: THE UNCHANGED MIND and TO CHANGE A MIND. McKinnon offers a really compelling model for understanding what he calls the "global failures" of troubled teens: how those problems are rooted in a basic immaturity in their approach to life. He argues for a family systems approach that involves work on the teen's part (building inner resources and consequential thinking/planning) AND work on the parents' part, what he calls "recognition" (understanding and validating your kid's needs and challenges) and limit-setting.

I understand your frustration. Few people with behaviorally typical kids can understand what it is like to have a challenging one--and the extra burdens that such a kid puts on parents to create a really fine-tuned approach to parenting. (It's exhausting, I know.)

THESE are great resources that I haven't read before, thank you. Same subject, different approach it looks like. It reminds me of a text I read regarding a teens brain and how it's physiological structure impacts behavior; it expanded upon the already-known fact that a teen's brain in under-developed, but it gave a deeper understanding as to maybe why a teen thinks the way they do, make certain choices, or in the case of a teen with mental health issues, be inhibited further by their own physiology. It might be by Michio Kaku, but he for sure authored a similar book if it wasn't him.

And for everyone's comments about our parenting: what makes you think we HAVEN'T been involved in the therapy; what makes you think we HAVEN'T made changes to our parenting style(s); what makes you think we HAVEN't tried EVERYTHING we have been instructed to do by the therapists? YEARS this has gone on....we've read the books, we've taken the classes, we've done the exercises, we've made the changes, we've received individual therapy for ourselves.......And maybe we have tried everything we can therapeutically before we have to resort to a pharmaceutical solution........ And now we are EXHAUSTED. "He argues for a family systems approach that involves work on the teen's part (building inner resources and consequential thinking/planning) AND work on the parents' part, what he calls "recognition" (understanding and validating your kid's needs and challenges) and limit-setting." <----- this is what we do, BTW. So please continue to tell me what a shitty I parent I am since I am frustrated beyond belief with the therapeutic community in this area, and continue to fuel your own sanctimonious self-righteous ego by posting anonymous passive-aggressive insults instead of helping. News flash: a child with mental health needs doesn't ALWAYS equal "Bad Parenting."

Anonymous wrote:OP, I highly recommend two books by John McKinnon: THE UNCHANGED MIND and TO CHANGE A MIND. McKinnon offers a really compelling model for understanding what he calls the "global failures" of troubled teens: how those problems are rooted in a basic immaturity in their approach to life. He argues for a family systems approach that involves work on the teen's part (building inner resources and consequential thinking/planning) AND work on the parents' part, what he calls "recognition" (understanding and validating your kid's needs and challenges) and limit-setting.

I understand your frustration. Few people with behaviorally typical kids can understand what it is like to have a challenging one--and the extra burdens that such a kid puts on parents to create a really fine-tuned approach to parenting. (It's exhausting, I know.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many parents believe that if they plop their suicidal-anxious-depressed-substance abusing child in front of a therapist then the therapist can just magically make it all better in one hour per week while the parents do nothing in the family system to change the way they deal with the child or the other children in the home.

Therapy for an adolescent has to involve the PARENTS making major changes and the ones that I have seen are basically unwilling to do that. They just want their child fixed in an hour while they do nothing except pay the bill.

I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR GROSSLY PRESUMPTIVE AND BOORISH "INSIGHT" INTO OUR FAMILY'S SITUATION.
If you want to ASS/U/ME with your keen judgement that's what kind of parents we all are then you can F&*K OFF and go troll somewhere else.

NP, but your extremely aggressive and defensive responses tell us everything. Your poor children.

Wow, Agree.

OP here. I find these judgmental statements^^^ to be way out of line. Sometimes people -- such as MYSELF -- feel very frustrated and tapped out and are looking for support and answers, not to be judged, not to be blamed, and not to have vague insults thrown at them. That adds nothing productive to this discussion. This is MY thread, that I started, so I could have a conversation; how dare you bully and shame the posters here with that kind of post. And if someone is feeling attacked, especially regarding their parenting, OF COURSE they are going to become defensive and respond accordingly!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. Waste of time and money, nothing but bitch session, often focusing on blaming parents for everything, well, in our case that sums it up. Ended up with kid who denied any responsibility for anything and blamed everybody else for everything.

You sound like my parents. They wanted therapy to explain to me what was wrong with me and how to fix it. They were the root cause of what was wrong, but no way no how were they ever going to hear that from anyone. The adults have to change first. That's what it means to be a parent.

On the plus side, I am hyper-aware of what not to do with my own kids, starting with blaming them for bad family dynamics.

+1.

OP, of course parents are a huge part of the overall picture of any child! They are the strongest influence in their lives. I'm not saying a child doesn't have to work on their behavior- of course they do- but problems for teens don't arise from a vacuum.

So you are saying a child with severe social anxiety from birth is the fault of parents? Or ADHD kids are created by parents? Parents hold a lot of influence, no doubt, but unless parents are truly insane, which some are, you are saying parents are whole to blame for their kid's actions? Teens are blameless? Right?

No, I am saying that as parents you are the creators of the environment in which the teen lives. You are key to your child's recovery-- whether you want to be or not.

Omg, being blamed for a teens out of control wacko behavior - and you sound serious.
Every former teen I know that had grown up and become a productive member of society places zero blame on their parents.
Most of them (and some had awful awful teen years) don't even know why they acted that way (drugs , drinking , sex, no school, yelling at parents and siblings, not responsible etc etc).

Honey, it's time to grow up - move out, supports yourself and take full responsibility for yourself.
Your parents tried their best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another therapy fan, at least for 12 year old DD's anxiety. She gets anxious and locked into something and is impossible to move her-- bribes, threats, talking, listening, discipline. She is not budging. Her therapist comes to our house, plays board games with DD, they talk, then she and I talk, and slowly DD is learning to deal with anxiety.

She had a full neuropsych evaluation a year ago and got an anxiety/ ADHD diagnosis. Refused to admit she had ADHD, refused to see apsychiatrist, refused to take medication, refused to work with her teachers and use her 504, refused to fly on an airplane, etc., etc. a year later, she talks to us about ADHD and how it is affecting her at school, works with the psychiatrist, is on medication that helps a lot-- and which she admits helps a lot, and is better about her 504 ( but still has some work to do). Also, she got on an airplane.

I would say that in this situation it help to have a therapist who works with us to help DD meet certain goals. Nobody is really focused on who screwed up. We're trying and open to suggestions. She's a good kid who is struggling. The therapist gives us some support and suggestions and DD support and skills. Solving her problems seems like a much better model than griping about them or placing blame.

What medication is she on? I have DS with severe anxiety. Little to nothing works.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^We used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy of Greater Washington in Silver Spring for ERP.

Thanks. They, however, never answered the phone when I called them and they never called me back. Tried several times.

Anonymous wrote:^^We used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy of Greater Washington in Silver Spring for ERP.

Anonymous wrote:Another therapy fan, at least for 12 year old DD's anxiety. She gets anxious and locked into something and is impossible to move her-- bribes, threats, talking, listening, discipline. She is not budging. Her therapist comes to our house, plays board games with DD, they talk, then she and I talk, and slowly DD is learning to deal with anxiety.

She had a full neuropsych evaluation a year ago and got an anxiety/ ADHD diagnosis. Refused to admit she had ADHD, refused to see apsychiatrist, refused to take medication, refused to work with her teachers and use her 504, refused to fly on an airplane, etc., etc. a year later, she talks to us about ADHD and how it is affecting her at school, works with the psychiatrist, is on medication that helps a lot-- and which she admits helps a lot, and is better about her 504 ( but still has some work to do). Also, she got on an airplane.

I would say that in this situation it help to have a therapist who works with us to help DD meet certain goals. Nobody is really focused on who screwed up. We're trying and open to suggestions. She's a good kid who is struggling. The therapist gives us some support and suggestions and DD support and skills. Solving her problems seems like a much better model than griping about them or placing blame.

Anonymous wrote:Another therapy fan, at least for 12 year old DD's anxiety. She gets anxious and locked into something and is impossible to move her-- bribes, threats, talking, listening, discipline. She is not budging. Her therapist comes to our house, plays board games with DD, they talk, then she and I talk, and slowly DD is learning to deal with anxiety.

She had a full neuropsych evaluation a year ago and got an anxiety/ ADHD diagnosis. Refused to admit she had ADHD, refused to see apsychiatrist, refused to take medication, refused to work with her teachers and use her 504, refused to fly on an airplane, etc., etc. a year later, she talks to us about ADHD and how it is affecting her at school, works with the psychiatrist, is on medication that helps a lot-- and which she admits helps a lot, and is better about her 504 ( but still has some work to do). Also, she got on an airplane.

I would say that in this situation it help to have a therapist who works with us to help DD meet certain goals. Nobody is really focused on who screwed up. We're trying and open to suggestions. She's a good kid who is struggling. The therapist gives us some support and suggestions and DD support and skills. Solving her problems seems like a much better model than griping about them or placing blame.