To the OP: have you explained your objections to your DS? I assume that this includes some aspect of moral/religious issues and some aspect of concern for the practical consequences of sex (STDs, babies). I would start there. Explain your objections and the reasons for them. Explain that condoms are good, but not 100% guaranteed to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy. Explain the consequences of teenage pregnancy and the practical costs of being a father (expenses, inability to attend college and also provide for child, etc.). Don't over-sell these things, but make them scary enough to cause your child to consider them. Perhaps a visit to a doctor to be tested for STDs (and given the lecture about how to avoid them) would be a good idea. If you can get the girl to get tested, too, that would also be smart. At this point, he either has not realized the possible life-changing consequences of underage sex or does not care. In the former case, you may have a chance of changing the behavior. In the latter case, you probably don't.

In short: explain to your child that you love him unconditionally, but that you are disappointed in his actions and want to help prevent him from making a potentially bad long-term decision at his age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do the following:

1) Tell him that you do not condone this behavior, but you understand you can't stop it. (because you can't)
2) Tell him that they need to be using TWO forms of birth control.
3) Tell him not to disrespect you by having sex in your house.

Right or wrong, this would be my approach, too.

I'd also discuss the emotional implications of having sex (it's not just physical), and the fact it could make breaking up all the more difficult. Or worse, make people stay together because they feel they've invested too much already.

My mom always told me and my brother that if you can't have a conversation with your partner about what you would do in the event of unplanned pregnancy, you shouldn't be having sex with that person. So I would add
4. Make sure they have talked about and agreed upon a plan of action in case of unintended pregnancy. (abortion, adoption, parenthood)

Depending upon your relationship with your son and his girlfriend, you may or may not want to participate in that conversation. Also be aware that some individuals change their mind when pregnancy actually happens (my cousin is an example).

Anonymous wrote:If my 16 year old son is not mature enough to buy himself condoms and if he doesn't have the good sense to understand that he is in no way ready to become a dad then he has no business having sex. He isn't ready. He is too damn young to handle the responsibility of being sexually active.

Yes, make sure that they have basic sex ed. This is not something to be ignorant about. But it isn't a parent's place to be supplying condoms to the kid.

+ 100000000000000000000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do the following:

1) Tell him that you do not condone this behavior, but you understand you can't stop it. (because you can't)
2) Tell him that they need to be using TWO forms of birth control.
3) Tell him not to disrespect you by having sex in your house.

Right or wrong, this would be my approach, too.

I'd also discuss the emotional implications of having sex (it's not just physical), and the fact it could make breaking up all the more difficult. Or worse, make people stay together because they feel they've invested too much already.

I think this is excellent I would also add what you are willing to do (or not do) should she become pregnant and keep the child. It'll be good for you and DH to think this through and explain it to DS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you sit down with both DS and the girlfriend. HAVE THE TALK. Ask them both about what protection they use. Ask them if they've talked about diseases, pregnancy, etc. Bring legit info with you about the risks of sex and what options they have. They might be uncomfortable but they should be able to talk about sex if they are old enough to do it.

That's just do off base and gross. Talk to your boyfriends parents about sex? Talk to your own parents about sex?
What planet are being beaming down from here exactly?

You know what's gross? HAVING A BABY AT 16.

Also, the following are REALLY GROSS:
Herpes (never goes away, can migrate to your brain)
Syphillis (can kill you)
Chlamydia (can leave you sterile)
Gonorrhea (is just nasty)
HPV (never goes away, can cause cancer)
HIV (never goes away AND can turn to AIDS which can kill you)
BV (also is just nasty)
Yeast Infections (nasty and terribly uncomfortable)
PID (long-term complications)

OH, and you know what's' REALLY REALLY GROSS?
ABORTIONS.

So talk to your fucking kids about sex, morons.

+1. They both need a serious dose of responsibility. They are making decisions now that can affect the rest of their lives. Time to grow up.
I would call the girl's parents immediately and discuss. What is the plan for unwanted pregnancy? Draw up a contract and have all parties sign- why not?
And you know what, there are still kids out there who abstain in high school. It is not a foregone conclusion that kids should/will have sex.

If the kids need their PARENTS to draw up a freakin' sex chore chart those kids are not ready to be having sex.

If my 16 year old son is not mature enough to buy himself condoms and if he doesn't have the good sense to understand that he is in no way ready to become a dad then he has no business having sex. He isn't ready. He is too damn young to handle the responsibility of being sexually active.

Yes, make sure that they have basic sex ed. This is not something to be ignorant about. But it isn't a parent's place to be supplying condoms to the kid.

Anonymous wrote:I think a 16 year old is old enough to decide for him/herself whether to engage in this activity. Talk about staying as safe as possible, ask not to disrespect your house if you feel that way, talk about your values...but really, what can you do? It's not your body.

+ 1. Make sure he has the values to understand and respect consent -both his and his GF's, and the knowledge to make informed choices. Other than that, respect and trust him enough to make his own choices about his own body.

Get the girlfriend on an IUD! I believe under Obama care most insurance plans cover for free, and it was recommended as the number one birth control method for teens and college students. STDS are another matter, but if you're concerned r pregnancy than IUD is the way to go. Using both IUD and condom is even better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you sit down with both DS and the girlfriend. HAVE THE TALK. Ask them both about what protection they use. Ask them if they've talked about diseases, pregnancy, etc. Bring legit info with you about the risks of sex and what options they have. They might be uncomfortable but they should be able to talk about sex if they are old enough to do it.

That's just do off base and gross. Talk to your boyfriends parents about sex? Talk to your own parents about sex?
What planet are being beaming down from here exactly?

You know what's gross? HAVING A BABY AT 16.

Also, the following are REALLY GROSS:
Herpes (never goes away, can migrate to your brain)
Syphillis (can kill you)
Chlamydia (can leave you sterile)
Gonorrhea (is just nasty)
HPV (never goes away, can cause cancer)
HIV (never goes away AND can turn to AIDS which can kill you)
BV (also is just nasty)
Yeast Infections (nasty and terribly uncomfortable)
PID (long-term complications)

OH, and you know what's' REALLY REALLY GROSS?
ABORTIONS.

So talk to your fucking kids about sex, morons.

+1. They both need a serious dose of responsibility. They are making decisions now that can affect the rest of their lives. Time to grow up.
I would call the girl's parents immediately and discuss. What is the plan for unwanted pregnancy? Draw up a contract and have all parties sign- why not?
And you know what, there are still kids out there who abstain in high school. It is not a foregone conclusion that kids should/will have sex.

My 16 year old is not having sex and does not have a girlfriend, however we've already talked to him about safe sex and given him condoms. I'm of the belief that sex between teens, especially of high school age will most likely happen. Instead of feeling disappointed or heartbroken if/when it happens I'll feel confident that I've already armed my kid with the knowledge and condoms. We've talked to him about the good, bad, and ugly consequences of sex and different circumstances when it is and is not appropriate to have sex.

I started having sex at 15 and my parents never talked to me about practicing safe sex. I'm very lucky I didn't end up pregnant or with an STI.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you sit down with both DS and the girlfriend. HAVE THE TALK. Ask them both about what protection they use. Ask them if they've talked about diseases, pregnancy, etc. Bring legit info with you about the risks of sex and what options they have. They might be uncomfortable but they should be able to talk about sex if they are old enough to do it.

That's just do off base and gross. Talk to your boyfriends parents about sex? Talk to your own parents about sex?
What planet are being beaming down from here exactly?

You know what's gross? HAVING A BABY AT 16.

Also, the following are REALLY GROSS:
Herpes (never goes away, can migrate to your brain)
Syphillis (can kill you)
Chlamydia (can leave you sterile)
Gonorrhea (is just nasty)
HPV (never goes away, can cause cancer)
HIV (never goes away AND can turn to AIDS which can kill you)
BV (also is just nasty)
Yeast Infections (nasty and terribly uncomfortable)
PID (long-term complications)

OH, and you know what's' REALLY REALLY GROSS?
ABORTIONS.

So talk to your fucking kids about sex, morons.

Okay, old fart here.

What the heck is BV?

Bacterial Vaginosis.

I think a 16 year old is old enough to decide for him/herself whether to engage in this activity. Talk about staying as safe as possible, ask not to disrespect your house if you feel that way, talk about your values...but really, what can you do? It's not your body.

All of my European parent friends wouldn't give a flip about their 16yo being SA. Good that he communicated with you. You can't stop him at this point. Best to get them both on BC and encourage them to stay committed and monogamous.