Anonymous wrote:IF anyone, including OP, hasn't listened yet, I highly recommend the "Tell me I'm fat" episode of this american life.

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/589/tell-me-im-fat

Fantastic and eye-opening.

Will definitely listen to this. I read the guardian article from May and it was worth reading.

Anonymous wrote:As someone who was obese, and is now not, leave him alone.

He knows he has a weight issue. Nothing another person says will make someone change - it has to come 1000% from within.

MYOB. Seriously.

This! I was Obese my entire life and had my mother breathing down my neck all my life. It really made me hate her and killed my self-esteem. Finally, in my mid-20's I lost weight and have kept it off. I still have MAJOR anger towards my mother for how she made me feel. Leave him alone. I am sure you mean well but he knows he is fat and he is an adult and needs to make the change on his own.

Anonymous wrote:he said he didn't have enough money to eat healthy, which is true. should i just give him money and hope for the best?

This is somewhat true, somewhat bullshit. Does he actually know how to eat healthy? Beans/lentils are dirt cheap. Frozen vegetables are a great bang for your buck. Water is free (or nearly free). You can get a large bag of apples and a jar of natural peanut butter for under $10, and have snacks to last you all week.

If you know how to pick healthy choices, it's not expensive at all (once you have the knowledge and basic cooking skills).

IF anyone, including OP, hasn't listened yet, I highly recommend the "Tell me I'm fat" episode of this american life.

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/589/tell-me-im-fat

Fantastic and eye-opening.

Anonymous wrote:he said he didn't have enough money to eat healthy, which is true. should i just give him money and hope for the best?

Or, give him a subscription to a Community supported agriculture farm near him, or give him a subscription to one of those healtier eating boxes they deliver to your door, or give him a gift card to whole foods and go with him to one their lower cost/budget food tours. If you live in the DC area, all these options (and probably many others) are available.

he said he didn't have enough money to eat healthy, which is true. should i just give him money and hope for the best?

OP by focusing on your brother's weight, I suspect your brother will think you care little about his real issues, and more about how you feel when you look at him. If you want to help, be a good friend first. On the other hand, he may be ok with his weight.

You cannot help. I went through the same thing with my sister. I tried to encourage her all the time, but it did not work. Just last year, she decided she wanted to change - it came from within - and she did. It will only happen when he wants to change himself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What on earth is with all the anger on this thread? She's trying to help. Yes, he needs to make the decision alone, but there are a LOT of incredibly defensive people here.

She's not helping though, that's the point.

From a fat person, here's what to do and not to do. Chances are your brother knows exactly what he needs to do and it's the internal motivation. I know I should excercise but I made a poor choice and ate ice cream today instead.

Do not hound him about healthy eating and excercise. It's not helpful and will make him feel bad. If you invite him over for dinner, serve healthy food without the lecture on why it's healthy and skip the weight talk. Don't ask him to go to social events that involve unhealthy habits like junk food or bars.

Instead, plan fun activities. Maybe ask to go on a hike and picnic on a nice day. You bring the food. Don't mention weight loss. I actually love outdoor excercise but it's the motivation to get up and go. Ask him to come help with yard work if he's they type that would enjoy this. I love working on the house and helping others.

Even if you are trying to help, people can tell if you're doing so for the wrong reasons (like the lady who said she was embarassed to go shopping with her fat sister in law). For people who think they're just being benevolent and concerned, perhaps there's something else you could find to be benevolent and concerned about? I bet there's a lonely elderly person near you who could use a visit, a soup kitchen or pet shelter where you could volunteer. You could go visit veterans at Walter Reed. It seems odd when someone has all this compassion and love for others and chooses to direct all of it to the fat person in their family. Just saying.

Anonymous wrote:What on earth is with all the anger on this thread? She's trying to help. Yes, he needs to make the decision alone, but there are a LOT of incredibly defensive people here.

She's not helping though, that's the point.

Anonymous wrote:What on earth is with all the anger on this thread? She's trying to help. Yes, he needs to make the decision alone, but there are a LOT of incredibly defensive people here.

I am incredibly defensive because I have relatives who "try to help me" lose weight constantly. Their approaches were completely and totally unsuccessful; when I finally found an approach that worked for me, they hated it -- because it wasn't what they wanted me to do and I was fussed at because I lost weight, just not THEIR WAY. Could not win.

And, that's the problem with people who want others to do things the way they do--they may partially be concerned because they genuinely care about their brother or the other person, and/or they could think "if Larlo only did things my way, he would not be so fat."

What on earth is with all the anger on this thread? She's trying to help. Yes, he needs to make the decision alone, but there are a LOT of incredibly defensive people here.

If you are a professional nutritionist or trainer, then by all means, ask if he would like some help.

If no, leave him alone. It is not a mystery why he is overweight. He is living his life and you should live yours.

My sister is morbidly obese and it has caused issues with our family. She wanted to split flight costs even though she has to fly first class as she will not fit into an airline seat. Said it was not fair for heavy people to have to pay more to fly and that we should help her with travel expenses on a family flight. There was no way that was happening!

Do you see the difference? Leave people alone unless it affects you. If the persons actions lead to consequences, do not rush in to help them.