OP, I agree with others that maybe you are a bit depressed and that is influencing how you perceive yourself.

I know you said that your weight is not an issue, but don't discount exercise as a way to feel less frumpy. I do need to watch my weight (and also my mood), and regular exercise has way more of an impact for me on how I feel about myself than whether I'm wearing makeup or nice clothes. And it improves my energy level overall.

It's hard to get going, especially when you feel like you don't have time for the basics, but I find it really helps. Even a brisk 30 minute walk early in the morning will make a difference.

OP I suffer from depression but looking bad only makes it worse.
Great haircut ! Do roots at home and salon every 2-3 months
Gel pedicure. Can be touched up multiple times at home
Cloths A few great outfits. Try to find a uniform look for yourself and repeat. Store going out outfits on a hanger together
Shoes one great pair + one comfy pair
Makeup. Powder it is much faster
Jewelry one or two great pieces
You do sound. Bit depressed. Looking bad never helps and looking good does. GL!

Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP. I had the same feeling after a long period of illnesses, passings, all sorts of painful, all-consuming things. I'm really, really cheap, too. But still-- I went for the paid help. Put myself in the hands of a nice stylist for hair and makeup. Went to Nordstrom and Ann Taylor Loft during a weekday morning when it wasn't busy and said, 'I've had a couple of hard years. I've gained weight. My clothes all look awful. I don't know what size I even am now. Help me.' And they did, and were very kind and helpful. This may sound kind of basic, but it doesn't occur to me to ask for help. But once I did, problem kinda almost solved. There are people out there that love to help with this sort of thing. So schedule one day for hair and makeup. Hell, get a paid shopping consultant if you can swing it. I also paid an organizer to come help me go through family heirlooms and keepsakes. We got done in a couple of hours what I had struggled to even start for months. And, babe, you aren't ugly. Tired, surely, but ugly? Eff that s;:/! You are a rock star. I guarantee your husband and kids think you're the most beautiful thing they've ever seen.

I bet you're a fabulous friend, wife and mom!

As others have said here, OP, you do sound depressed. The docs won't call it PPD after your youngest is 1 year old, but personally my symptoms continued after that point. I got a little therapy and changed my hormonal birth control method: huge difference.

It's really important to make time for yourself: you will be a better parent and happier person. Please don't make your kids grow up with your low self esteem -- it really does affect them, especially girls. Feeling ugly runs in families. I felt helpless about my appearance for so long, because my mom feels so helpless about hers.

If you already make time for yourself (a book, TV, DCUM) try to wrap in a beauty treatment like a facial mask or at-home color. Maybe you find online clothes shopping recreational, or maybe you like pedicures. Do something that's relaxing but also improves your appearance.

I have similar hair and skin as you, plus I'm overweight. I'd suggest you focus on makeup first, then clothes, then hair. I wouldn't do nails unless you enjoy that: clean unpolished nails look fine. PPs have suggested lots of minimal makeup routines so I won't repeat that. For clothes, I paid a consultant to come to my house and help me try on everything in my closet: we tossed a lot of stuff, talked about what looked good, and figured out what "holes" in my wardrobe needed filling and how to do that. Absolutely worth the money and 2 hours. For me personally, the gap was accessories: a clothing uniform works well and I had that down, but adding jewelry or a scarf makes a huge difference in how put together I look.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a decent layered cut that can air dry nicely (go to a curly hair salon, Fiddleheads in DC is good)

OP has wavy hair, not curly. No matter how great the cut, it needs additional styling to look good: blow-drying, flat iron, or curling iron. If air dried, random strands will stick out. BTDT.

Waves are a type of curl. Yes, OP needs a curly cut. No to heat styling. OP, check out naturallycurly.com and find a curly salon and experiment with care / styling. My life / style got so much easier when I stopped fighting my waves (2b/c), found a good curly stylist, and went low-poo without silicones & sulfates.

NP here and I agree. A stylist who specializes in curly hair can give you a cut that works, and low-poo is great. BUT the OP can also learn to put her hair up in an attractive way, until she's ready to deal with it. The ponytail gets a lot of hate on this board, but it can look nice (even professional) and it gives you a little faux facelift too. Personally I would suggest a ponytail / bun until OP has the makeup and clothes issues addressed. Hair can be tricky.

OP, I also have wavy/curly hair that frizzes. I wash at night, put in a leave-in conditioner, and tie it up in an old long sleeved t-shirt (google "plunking"). It's much more manageable the next day.

• Definitely keep your grays covered.
You may have to start coloring your hair at home every few weeks, but it will be so worth it!
• Keep hair looking fresh with frequent trims. Add some layers, wispy bangs and/or some face-framing highlights (perfect for summer!)
Also as we age, our hair gets drier so a weekly deep conditioning treatment is a MUST!!

• Drink plenty of water for glowing skin, use sunscreen often and never leave the house without a swipe of lipstick.

• Keep your nails filed + painted. Use hand lotion liberally every single night before bed.

Hey, OP. I had the same feeling after a long period of illnesses, passings, all sorts of painful, all-consuming things. I'm really, really cheap, too. But still-- I went for the paid help. Put myself in the hands of a nice stylist for hair and makeup. Went to Nordstrom and Ann Taylor Loft during a weekday morning when it wasn't busy and said, 'I've had a couple of hard years. I've gained weight. My clothes all look awful. I don't know what size I even am now. Help me.' And they did, and were very kind and helpful. This may sound kind of basic, but it doesn't occur to me to ask for help. But once I did, problem kinda almost solved. There are people out there that love to help with this sort of thing. So schedule one day for hair and makeup. Hell, get a paid shopping consultant if you can swing it. I also paid an organizer to come help me go through family heirlooms and keepsakes. We got done in a couple of hours what I had struggled to even start for months. And, babe, you aren't ugly. Tired, surely, but ugly? Eff that s;:/! You are a rock star. I guarantee your husband and kids think you're the most beautiful thing they've ever seen.

I am your twin except I am heavier. I also feel frumpy and am cringing at some of the suggestions considering they are so unrealistic with small kids and your lack of time.

I color my hair at home every 3 weeks with supplies from Sally's to cover the roots. I do it first thing on a Saturday morning or late on a Fri night. As for the curly frizz, I put in mousse and the Suave Professionals for curly hair works better than anything expensive I've tried. I dry it half way then let it air dry. Or if I'm busy I air dry it all and use a little more mousse that day.

OP there is some good advice on this thread. I have similar hair and other issues so here's my advice:
I have a baby and toddler also, and DH leaves before we are up in the morning (staggered work schedules). I wake up with the baby, nurse and change his diaper/clothes. Then toddler wakes up, milk, change diaper/clothes. Get toddler a snack cup and corral them in my bedroom. I shower at night and air dry hair while sleeping. Toddler plays with toys for 10 minutes while I do the following:
Straighten hair for about 90 seconds - just run it over the top layer for shine and to take the weird waves out that I slept on wrong.
Put on SPF, concealer, powder, mascara and blush. Lipstick I do later on the commute in. This takes me 2-3 minutes. Doesn't have to be perfect.
I have a personal uniform - I wear a basic sheath or a-line dress every day. I have about 10 and just switch them off. Got them from Nordstrom Rack, Macy's, MM Lafleur, etc. - lots of Tahari, Calvin Klein. Not too expensive and it only takes 60 seconds to slip on underwear, deodorant, pull on a dress. I barely even look, just reach in the closet and grab one before toddler climbs up a bookcase and jumps off or whatever he's decided to do to try and kill himself that morning. Then we all walk the dog - baby strapped to me, toddler in the radio flyer. Pack up car for daycare and go.
I only wash hair every 2-3 days, so on off days I just spray on dry shampoo for the roots, let it soak in while I put on makeup, then rub in.
Don't get down on yourself - there is no doubt you have some features that are striking or beautiful, to your husband and to others. Start with the clothes and find something that makes you feel great. It took many many online purchases and returns for me to find my set of dresses but now I never have to shop. Boring to some, but it works for me at this stage of my life.
Oh and just use box color at home! Keep the cut simple, just straight across. Easy to straighten a bit and look professional.
I hope that helps. You can do it! Don't live your life in frump (unless you want to, which is ok too).

OP, are you here? Any thoughts on all the advice/questions you've gotten?

I think hair and makeup advice is hard on an anonymous board, because it really depends on exactly what you look like and your preferences. If your budget allows, my biggest advice (as someone who recently has gone through this) is to purge your closet of anything that makes you feel frumpy. Then start buying new clothes that fit you well and make you feel good. Shop online with free returns or try a mail order service or take a day off of work and go to the mall by yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a decent layered cut that can air dry nicely (go to a curly hair salon, Fiddleheads in DC is good)

OP has wavy hair, not curly. No matter how great the cut, it needs additional styling to look good: blow-drying, flat iron, or curling iron. If air dried, random strands will stick out. BTDT.

Waves are a type of curl. Yes, OP needs a curly cut. No to heat styling. OP, check out naturallycurly.com and find a curly salon and experiment with care / styling. My life / style got so much easier when I stopped fighting my waves (2b/c), found a good curly stylist, and went low-poo without silicones & sulfates.

Haircut and color are a must. It's hard to have stylish clothes when your kids are that young. Makeup only if it doesnt drive you crazy. 't's ok to look casual until they are a little older. My kids are in elementary school now and I look a lot better, even though I'm years older.

Anonymous wrote:Get a decent layered cut that can air dry nicely (go to a curly hair salon, Fiddleheads in DC is good)

OP has wavy hair, not curly. No matter how great the cut, it needs additional styling to look good: blow-drying, flat iron, or curling iron. If air dried, random strands will stick out. BTDT.

Get a decent layered cut that can air dry nicely (go to a curly hair salon, Fiddleheads in DC is good) nd start adding in some lighter highlights to transition to a lower maintenance color. Also highlights will visually break up your root line, so you can go longer and color regrowth with one of those brush on hair mascaras.

Agree with previous posters that you have time for bb cream (try a cushion compact--take it with you!), mascara (i like loreal's tube mascara because i don't need to use makeup remover at night), and lip gloss.

and it takes the same amount of time to put on pants or a dress that fit as clothes that don't, so no excuses there.