Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do you get that idea? I have NEVER been with a man (admittedly only been married once) who EXPECTS sex within a relationship. WANTS, yes. DESIRES, yes. DEMANDS, no.

I think you are misreading a lot of what is posted on this board.

Expects and demands are not the same.

You are right, of course. I expect my marriage to include sex. As does my husband. As does almost every person on this planet who chooses to get married.

Entitled to is a different, story, though.

Anonymous wrote:fried Tuna?

Boring.

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

It's a result of a thousand years of patriarchy. Men until VERY recently have been conditioned to think that - and just think - many states don't consider rape with the context of marriage, rape - so if that's the culture you are living in, then that's how it's "a thing" - don't buy into it, make sure you date and perhaps marry a man who consistently gets consent and is concerned about YOUR feelings, orgasm, etc. and you likely will not be in the same position. Date a guy who expects you to give him a BJ so he doesn't get blue balls, pressures you for "one more kiss" or one more step forward on the bases, or otherwise denies your feelings, then you might end up in that kind of marriage.

OP in my experience, you are correct.

When two young, relatively unencumbered people get married, they have NO IDEA how the typical challenges of life will impact their relationship, including sex.

Kids. Illness. Job loss. Weight gain. Attraction to others outside of the marriage. And on and on.

Remember how marriage has evolved. As an economic bargain between two people or their families. The man had power over the wife and kids, basically "owned" her, and there was no such thing as marital rape. In return for his ownership, he was supposed to be a benign dictator. But a dictator indeed. Wives are to submit. Even recently in the news I've seen articles about how wives should always sexually submit to their husbands, and joyfully. Also I recall recently seeing something about "lightly" beating ones wife being OK....

Even today's young men, while they may not agree with those old fashioned ideas of marriage, are products of a society that still sends many of the same messages that have been around for millennia. They do get angry when denied. They feel hurt and that it's not fair. They do feel rejected and unloved.

Given what I know now about marriage, I would not marry again. I hope you will ask yourself, OP, if marriage still really does make sense. To me it's often a losing bargain for the woman. What do we really need a husband for? What do we get out of it?

I'm all for love and romance, but I want a man who chooses me every day, not one who is stuck with me.

If you do get married, I hope you will do extensive counseling with your prospective spouse. Make sure you both have a realistic understanding and agreement of what happens in marriage and what marriage requires. I didn't, and not just when it comes to sex.

fried Tuna?

Anonymous wrote:Where do you get that idea? I have NEVER been with a man (admittedly only been married once) who EXPECTS sex within a relationship. WANTS, yes. DESIRES, yes. DEMANDS, no.

I think you are misreading a lot of what is posted on this board.

Expects and demands are not the same.

Anonymous wrote:I love when unmarried singles pontificate on marriage. Their insight is always so unique and yet spot on and fully encompasses the nuanced dynamic that is a lifelong union between two individuals. It's amazing how they just "get it"!

Lol I know

I love when unmarried singles pontificate on marriage. Their insight is always so unique and yet spot on and fully encompasses the nuanced dynamic that is a lifelong union between two individuals. It's amazing how they just "get it"!

I have been marred for quite a while. My wife does not always say yes to sex -- sometimes her actions say yes.

And if she says no, I might try to get her in the mood. As a couple, I do not have the right to sex, but I have the right to ask.

Anonymous wrote:As a young woman, I don't get it. Like did you get married solely thinking you would get laid regularly? Cause that just seems so... dumb. Messed up. Awful.

Then they put pressure on their wives, who dont feel like having sex, and try to coerce or pressure them into it. Why? Because the dude wants to have sex.

I see so much outrage about Brock Turner and no one seems to be talking about this different aspect of rape culture which is that husbands are entitled to their wives bodies? When they want it?

And it's so bizarre to me. Like.... how is this a thing? In today's modern world?

Women are still expected to lie back and think of England? For reals?

Men are entitled too it because sex is a basic need, like eating and sleeping. Marriage is a contract. Included in the contract is a pledge to have sex regularly.

Where do you get that idea? I have NEVER been with a man (admittedly only been married once) who EXPECTS sex within a relationship. WANTS, yes. DESIRES, yes. DEMANDS, no.

I think you are misreading a lot of what is posted on this board.

While a man shouldn't expect sex at any particular moment, my wedding vows included the phrase "to have and to hold". Seems kind of obvious why someone would have a general expectation of regular sex in marriage in this instance....

If you're not having regular sex, then what makes spouses any different from roommates who pay bills and eat dinner together? A spouse is not entitled to your body on demand, but in marriage you agree to only sleep with that one person for the rest of your life. Cruel to reject that person repeatedly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered talking to you gyno about why sex repulses you so much?

You might have a hormonal issue. Or maybe you married the wrong guy.

Oh sex doesn't repulse me, and I'm not married (way too young for that). I have a fairly high libido, actually- but if I dont want to have sex, we dont. And my boyfriend respects that, simple as.

I would never try to force him into having sex if he didnt feel like it either.

It seems pretty simple.

Someone doesnt want to have sex with you- DONT HAVE SEX WITH THEM! Why would you even want to?

Your boyfriend is only with you to get sex from you, if he can, which it doesn't sound like he has much luck with.

Why are you with him?

you sound like a peach ... your bf must feel so proud, sitting next to you on the couch, while you watch Rachel Maddow.