So many posters never told their parents or anyone else about the abuse. What can be done to help victims seek help? What might have made a difference?

I'm so sad for all of you who suffered abuse and wish you all peace.

Men need to stop this shit!!!!! They have been abusing and killing women for millions of years. Someone make it stop!!!!!!!!

Anonymous wrote:When my mom left us alone, my older brother would try to touch me. I ran/fought. I never told my parents or anyone. Back then I was scared but now I feel ashamed that I never told.

Wow, this is terrifying. Why do you think your brother was inclined to do this? Do you believe he may have suffered abuse himself?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The highest risk of abuse is when a child lives with an unrelated adult (a boyfriend/girlfriend/stepparent). So I am staying married to my children's father. If we do divorce, I will date, but not marry or cohabitate.

Your argument is backed by no facts

You are very wrong. This area of research is well developed. Educate yourself.

"Family structure is the most important risk factor in child sexual abuse. Children who live with two married biological parents are at low risk for abuse. The risk increases when children live with step-parents or a single parent. Children living without either parent (foster children) are 10 times more likely to be sexually abused than children that live with both biological parents. Children who live with a single parent that has a live-in partner are at the highest risk: they are 20 times more likely to be victims of child sexual abuse than children living with both biological parents (Sedlack, et. al., 2010)."

NP. Yes, this is true. I have a Ph.D. in child psychology and I was shocked when I learned this in grad school. Given the media's emphasis on sexual abuse by strangers, I was surprised that find the single parent-live in partner scenario is such a huge risk factor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The highest risk of abuse is when a child lives with an unrelated adult (a boyfriend/girlfriend/stepparent). So I am staying married to my children's father. If we do divorce, I will date, but not marry or cohabitate.

Your argument is backed by no facts

You are very wrong. This area of research is well developed. Educate yourself.

"Family structure is the most important risk factor in child sexual abuse. Children who live with two married biological parents are at low risk for abuse. The risk increases when children live with step-parents or a single parent. Children living without either parent (foster children) are 10 times more likely to be sexually abused than children that live with both biological parents. Children who live with a single parent that has a live-in partner are at the highest risk: they are 20 times more likely to be victims of child sexual abuse than children living with both biological parents (Sedlack, et. al., 2010)."

When my mom left us alone, my older brother would try to touch me. I ran/fought. I never told my parents or anyone. Back then I was scared but now I feel ashamed that I never told.

Unfortunately, too many.

In 2d grade, a schoolmate had a birthday sleepover. Think, 20 little girls. In the wee hours of the morning, I awoke to her HS or older brother with his hands down my pants. He was talking in my ears and trying to flip me so I was face up. It was in the middle of a room with other girls sleeping all around me! I stirred a little and he must have gotten spooked and left. I lay there awake the rest of the morning. The next day, my parents were the last to pick me up. I had to sit across from him at the breakfast table with him smiling at me. Never told.

I also have a great uncle, now in his 90s, who was a total, disgusting pervert. All of the older relatives just love him. He would always find a way to have a finger or thumb in my private area when carrying me around, sometimes beneath the underwear. As I got older, he started to be more aggressive, cornering me in the basement (there were games there) and grabbing me. I finally pushed him off me one day and ran. He never approached me again but I had lots of female cousins. Never told.

I worked since I was 14, mostly in restaurants and other hospitality jobs. Was repeatedly groped (in the open and w/o any consequences by management) by various coworkers (all line cooks for some reason).

Went on a date with a guy who was much adored at my HS. By this time I was 18 and he was I college. He tried to have sex with me one night but I said no. He got a little rough but ultimately let me go with the warning " next time, you won't have any excuses." Never saw him again.

In grad school, went to happy hour with two fellow interns, both male. One was married, one was engaged. I consider them both friends. I consider them harmless. I had just started a second drink ( so, I was not drunk). I went to the bathroom and immediately felt like I had 10 drinks. Could barely walk or stand up. I stumbled down some stairs leaving my backpack upstairs. I found a taxi and somehow ended up at home, where I proceeded to puke for the rest of the night. I am certain was drugged by one of them. One checked up on me whe. I didn't come back; the other didn't. I guess this was attempted abuse but I find it horrifying to this day.

This is in addition to the sexual comments I've experienced at work ( some of which would make your toes curl, especially considering it within the last 10 years) and catcalling on the street.

I'm so sorry for all of you. I have never been abused but am very aware of the possibility for my kids. I'm currently struggling with whether to let my daughter spend extended time with a neighbor family that has a son (~10 years older than her)--they play outside supervised a lot with the family's other two kids, girls closer to my daughter in age, and we've had meals together a few times, but I am considering asking them to babysit or allowing a sleepover. I have absolutely no reason to suspect this kid of anything, except stories like this.

10 year old altar boy and being touched on the inner thigh by a priest. Knew it was wrong and quickly left the room and didn't think much of it since. Was never alone in a room with him again and never told anyone other than my XW.

Anonymous wrote:I have read each of your experiences and my heart is broken for the childhood you have lost. Thank you for you candor.

+1

My god. Reaffirms my decision never to remarry or cohabit ate either.

Males suck.

I have read each of your experiences and my heart is broken for the childhood you have lost. Thank you for you candor.

My mother remarried after my father died. From ages 8-12, I was beaten and sexually abused by two of my step brothers. The worst was when they would experiment with putting things on my vagina, like hot red pepper. I was too scared to resist or tell. My parents were Jehovah's Witnesses and I felt alone and scared all the time.

I developed early, so there were the cat calls and harassment, starting at 12. Several times older boys aggressively tried to pick me up in cars or once, at a fair when I was 13. My daughter also developed early, so I had to have this talk with her. Ugh.

At 18 I was with my bf and his buddy came in and tried to analy rape me . I had to fight him off. My bf was drunk and laughing.

Now I'm old and don't have cat calls and such anymore, but I worry about my daughter. Luckily, she's been raised around strong, honorable men who gave her confidence. I was a sitting duck as a child- ugly, lonely and no confidence at all.

Anonymous wrote:These stories are really horrifying but remind me why I'm not letting my daughter so sleep overs. I also think that if my husband and I ever a split up I would never remarry while she was still living at home. Too risky. Would I date? Yes. But no reason to actually move a man into my home and put her even at a minuscule risk.

I wouldn't remarry even after she moved out. I would be worried about the grandchildren.

At 12 a 30 year old neighbor tried to get me to go into his house with the promise of amusement park tickets. I only walked toward him and spoke with him avoid being rude to an adult. I did not want the tickets. His mother was home so he talked to me outside saying he'd tell me a secret if he could touch me for a second, if he could put his hand on my clothed private area. I told him to not tell me the secret then. I kept saying I had to go home and eventually he said fine, he'd send his nephew over with the tickets later. His nephew never did stop by. I understood after what happened, what he had intended and was terrified for the rest of the summer as I was left home alone.

At 22 I got drunk at a bar, a guy I was talking to, a lawyer asked me to step outside while he smoked a cigarette. I went and he pulled me towards his car. It wasn't a fight, I think I thought it was silly or something being pulled. We went to his apartment. I repeatedly said no, he did what he did. I went to the bathroom after and saw all of these matches from clubs and bars and thought of all the women he must have done this to. He told me to stay at his place that night and sleep in. I just wanted to get out of there. I didn't care what happened to me the thing I always worried about just happened.

I have one other story like that.

At 23 I fell asleep at a friends on her couch and woke up to her boyfriend's friend touching my chest. He was in the military going away the next day. I immediately wanted to hurt him. I was so angry. I just left. I complained about it to a guy I know and he laughed it off.