Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my brother. When the baby was born he looked nothing like our family and we immediately suspected. Brother was in denial. About 4 years later he had a DNA test and it was confirmed that it was not his. She denied- denied- denied and swore it was his. 2nd DNA test. Not his. She denied denied denied.. 3rd DNA test-- yes.. 3rd.

Brother loved and raised this boy as his own.

Good for him. That's the correct response in this scenario.

It has not been easy for him. It's much much better now but this poster's examples have been true and issues:

Mom's lie creates some incompatible goals:

1. Make sure the kid is supported & is not punished for mom's behavior.

2. Do not reward (and preferably punish) mom for her behavior. (For example, her life should not be financially easier because of her lie.)

3. Preserve the emotional bond between child & non-father.

4. Do not put non-father in a financially worse situation than he would have if mom had been honest.

I don't doubt it. But he is still doing the right thing. Are they divorced or still together?

I had a situation like this happen to me. Biomom served me at an old address and I never received notice of the proceedings and a default judgment of paternity was entered. For whatever reason it took a long time for me to be served with the child support order and by the time it happened the window to contest paternity was over (not to mention I had an enormous amount of arrearages since they calculate support back to the filing date).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my brother. When the baby was born he looked nothing like our family and we immediately suspected. Brother was in denial. About 4 years later he had a DNA test and it was confirmed that it was not his. She denied- denied- denied and swore it was his. 2nd DNA test. Not his. She denied denied denied.. 3rd DNA test-- yes.. 3rd.

Brother loved and raised this boy as his own.

Good for him. That's the correct response in this scenario.

It has not been easy for him. It's much much better now but this poster's examples have been true and issues:

Mom's lie creates some incompatible goals:

1. Make sure the kid is supported & is not punished for mom's behavior.

2. Do not reward (and preferably punish) mom for her behavior. (For example, her life should not be financially easier because of her lie.)

3. Preserve the emotional bond between child & non-father.

4. Do not put non-father in a financially worse situation than he would have if mom had been honest.

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my brother. When the baby was born he looked nothing like our family and we immediately suspected. Brother was in denial. About 4 years later he had a DNA test and it was confirmed that it was not his. She denied- denied- denied and swore it was his. 2nd DNA test. Not his. She denied denied denied.. 3rd DNA test-- yes.. 3rd.

Brother loved and raised this boy as his own.

Good for him. That's the correct response in this scenario.

Mom's lie creates some incompatible goals:

1. Make sure the kid is supported & is not punished for mom's behavior.

2. Do not reward (and preferably punish) mom for her behavior. (For example, her life should not be financially easier because of her lie.)

3. Preserve the emotional bond between child & non-father.

4. Do not put non-father in a financially worse situation than he would have if mom had been honest.

To the people who question how a woman can live with herself - it's hard. Really really hard. I am on the fence as to who my daughters father is. Probably him but an unfortunate one night stand always lingers in the back of my mind. It's just awful but too late for the truth to come out.

I suspect my former Ap's child isn't his. The child looks nothing like him. Favors her slightly

This happened to my brother. When the baby was born he looked nothing like our family and we immediately suspected. Brother was in denial. About 4 years later he had a DNA test and it was confirmed that it was not his. She denied- denied- denied and swore it was his. 2nd DNA test. Not his. She denied denied denied.. 3rd DNA test-- yes.. 3rd.

Brother loved and raised this boy as his own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.

Do you have kids? I think it would be terribly traumatic to just stop being a dad to a 10 year old child. There's a bond that doesn't rely on DNA. It isn't about money.

NP here. There it is the old DCUM standby you don't agree with me so you can't have kids. Plenty of parents ditch their kids all the time.
It's sad, but in this case the only person who created this mess is dear old mom- the woman. Another thing it's hard for DCUM to do- hold a woman accountable. Her actions and selfishness hurt a lot of people. You can't throw morality to the wind and then expect everyone else to be moral.

Also, it's highly likely once her scam blew up she was the one to keep kid from seeing the guy, and not the guy.

You've ignored the bond point. I don't understand why it's ok to abandon a child you love. The child is not an extension of its mother. He/she is a person, not a "scam." Once you have built a relationship, not harming a child is your responsibility. It has nothing to do with the mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.

Do you have kids? I think it would be terribly traumatic to just stop being a dad to a 10 year old child. There's a bond that doesn't rely on DNA. It isn't about money.

NP here. There it is the old DCUM standby you don't agree with me so you can't have kids. Plenty of parents ditch their kids all the time.
It's sad, but in this case the only person who created this mess is dear old mom- the woman. Another thing it's hard for DCUM to do- hold a woman accountable. Her actions and selfishness hurt a lot of people. You can't throw morality to the wind and then expect everyone else to be moral.

Also, it's highly likely once her scam blew up she was the one to keep kid from seeing the guy, and not the guy.

A child is not something to throw around like that. Once an emotional parental bond has been established it should not be broken. No.matter.what. It doesn't matter that the mother lied about it. What matters know is the life and well being of the child. Period. FIne to be angry at the mother, but have some compassion for the child and don't treat them like a bastard and stop OP- stop teaching your children the same! Your crime is worse than the mother's.

No, I have never suspected my child was not my husband's.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?[/quote]

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.[/quote]

[b]Do you have kids?[/b] I think it would be terribly traumatic to just stop being a dad to a 10 year old child. There's a bond that doesn't rely on DNA. It isn't about money. [/quote]


NP here. There it is the old DCUM standby you don't agree with me so you can't have kids. Plenty of parents ditch their kids all the time.
It's sad, but in this case the only person who created this mess is dear old mom- the woman. Another thing it's hard for DCUM to do- hold a woman accountable. Her actions and selfishness hurt a lot of people. You can't throw morality to the wind and then expect everyone else to be moral.

Also, it's highly likely once her scam blew up she was the one to keep kid from seeing the guy, and not the guy.

[/quote]

+10000

They are consequences for your irresponsible selfish actions especially dishonesty. When you lie to your own child about who the real father is you are 100% responsible for the future outcome. Practice honesty and avoid all this issue. You, mom, reap what you sow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.

Do you have kids? I think it would be terribly traumatic to just stop being a dad to a 10 year old child. There's a bond that doesn't rely on DNA. It isn't about money.

NP here. There it is the old DCUM standby you don't agree with me so you can't have kids. Plenty of parents ditch their kids all the time.
It's sad, but in this case the only person who created this mess is dear old mom- the woman. Another thing it's hard for DCUM to do- hold a woman accountable. Her actions and selfishness hurt a lot of people. You can't throw morality to the wind and then expect everyone else to be moral.

Also, it's highly likely once her scam blew up she was the one to keep kid from seeing the guy, and not the guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of heartless ahole do you have to be to reject a kid you raised as your own for 9 years? Yes, the woman was a liar and that's a horrible thing to do to someone you say you love, but that's not the kid's fault. Could a non-sociopath really look at the kid and say "oh, you're some other man's bastard so I'm not your dad anymore"?

Where is mom's responsibility? She lied to the man and child. A man should not have to financially support a child whom he was told was his and was not. At that point, chid support should be terminated and if he chooses to continue, he can, just as if he chooses to continue to have a relationship with the child. Both he and the child have the right to know.

Do you have kids? I think it would be terribly traumatic to just stop being a dad to a 10 year old child. There's a bond that doesn't rely on DNA. It isn't about money.

Anonymous wrote:Hahahahahaha women would never allow for mandatory paternity testing.

Something line 15% of kids being born are illegitimate where the husband got cucked and doesn't know.

No, please check your sources.

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/gnxp/2010/06/the-paternity-myth-the-rarity-of-cuckoldry/#.V0LVt_T3anN