Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a General Counsel to a company and my wife is an ER Doc. For us, we really were fine with daycare. The big thing is to stagger your days. I do drop offs and pick ups because daycare is across the street from my office. I usually drop the kids off at 7 and usually pick them up at 5:45. We usually walk in the door at 6:30 or so and immediately eat dinner.

My wife typically works 6:30-2:30 MWF and 3-11 on TH. On Wednesdays and Fridays, she's usually pretty beat after the late night and will usually crash after her shift ends. We usually do a lot of the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. on days when she is either home without the kids or on the weekends. For example, usually on the late days, she throws a crock pot of something in and all I need to do is feed the kids, do the baths, evening wind-down, etc. I usually will finish laundry and get dinner cleaned up bags packed etc. after the kids go to bed.

The biggest thing is that we are constantly on. There is not a ton of down time during the day. We are also very organized. One thing my wife admits is that if she had to actually wear clothes other than scrubs to work (90 percent of the time), she would definitely find it more stressful to get out the door. The beauty expectations of office work seem to add an hour to her getting dressed (on days when she had to dress up at least).

For us, the administrative hassle of being an employer and dealing with nanny issues made daycare a better choice.

This is the key to maintaining both careers. If you and your DH can and are ok with being constantly on, you'll be fine.

Also, as the PP said, they are very organized. Two careers and a new baby will show you ALL of your organizational shortcomings.

My husband and I are struggling with this now. I'm naturally very organized, and basically keep everything afloat. My husband basically goes to work and worries about himself...and as time has gone on, it's actually become apparent that he may have undiagnosed ADD. He cannot stay on task or on schedule.

We are in the same position. I mommy-tracked myself, not because I had to, but because I didn't want someone else getting so much time with my kids while I had so little. I think it is doable with a nanny but you have to be ok with the sacrifice of missing things in your child's life. Sometimes I am sad as others are promoted ahead of me, but I know that I made the right decision for our family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely a nanny since an infant is much too young to benefit at all from a daycare. Four infants per 1 adult just doesn't sit well w/me.

Can you take in a live-in??
That type of set-up would be the most ideal set-up for a situation like yours.

Well, the ratio is 3:1, at least in MD. And I disagree that there are no benefits to having an infant in daycare, albeit less pronounced than when the kid gets older. I definitely believe that my 11 month old has benefited from the socialization of being around other kids his age and the organized activities he gets are more than he would get from almost any nanny. Not saying there is anything wrong with a nanny, and there are some benefits, but I do think there are benefits, even for infants, in daycare.

I thought that too until I put my child in daycare at 6 months and now at 15 months WOW was I glad that I did that. He socializes so well, is comfortable leaving me, learns so much, knows how to behave in a "school" setting. Has been exposed to toys and food I wouldn't have thought to.

O mean this with as little snark as possible but did you not think this out before you got pregnant? I agree that something's got to give or hire a nanny willing to work that many hours.

We moved home where we had a ton of family support. And it still sucks. GL

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try very hard to prioritize having a single provider during the first two years. You can find a nanny willing to work 11 hour days if you pay well. If you set those hours at, say 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. could you arrange things so one of you is always home by 7? Alternating late days or something?

I had my kid in daycare, and it was fine, but if you're talking about that long a day, it's exhausting. Napping at home, and a slightly quieter environment will make it worth the cost of a nanny.

After 2, I'd think about a 1/2 day preschool and an au pair. Arrange your schedules so you take turns having breakfast together, and taking the child to school, then the au pair picks up at noon, and the child can have a nice long nap at home. Arrange your schedule so that each of you is home for a nice bedtime routine a few days a week, and outsource everything you can to provide family time on the weekends.

An 11-12 hour day for child to be with nanny? People who do this shoudon't even have a goldfish.

But you can't hug a goldfish. Hopefully, these parents get at least 15 - 30 minutes a night with their child.

Anonymous wrote:Definitely a nanny since an infant is much too young to benefit at all from a daycare. Four infants per 1 adult just doesn't sit well w/me.

Can you take in a live-in??
That type of set-up would be the most ideal set-up for a situation like yours.

Well, the ratio is 3:1, at least in MD. And I disagree that there are no benefits to having an infant in daycare, albeit less pronounced than when the kid gets older. I definitely believe that my 11 month old has benefited from the socialization of being around other kids his age and the organized activities he gets are more than he would get from almost any nanny. Not saying there is anything wrong with a nanny, and there are some benefits, but I do think there are benefits, even for infants, in daycare.

Definitely a nanny since an infant is much too young to benefit at all from a daycare. Four infants per 1 adult just doesn't sit well w/me.

Can you take in a live-in??
That type of set-up would be the most ideal set-up for a situation like yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a General Counsel to a company and my wife is an ER Doc. For us, we really were fine with daycare. The big thing is to stagger your days. I do drop offs and pick ups because daycare is across the street from my office. I usually drop the kids off at 7 and usually pick them up at 5:45. We usually walk in the door at 6:30 or so and immediately eat dinner.

My wife typically works 6:30-2:30 MWF and 3-11 on TH. On Wednesdays and Fridays, she's usually pretty beat after the late night and will usually crash after her shift ends. We usually do a lot of the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. on days when she is either home without the kids or on the weekends. For example, usually on the late days, she throws a crock pot of something in and all I need to do is feed the kids, do the baths, evening wind-down, etc. I usually will finish laundry and get dinner cleaned up bags packed etc. after the kids go to bed.

The biggest thing is that we are constantly on. There is not a ton of down time during the day. We are also very organized. One thing my wife admits is that if she had to actually wear clothes other than scrubs to work (90 percent of the time), she would definitely find it more stressful to get out the door. The beauty expectations of office work seem to add an hour to her getting dressed (on days when she had to dress up at least).

For us, the administrative hassle of being an employer and dealing with nanny issues made daycare a better choice.

This is the key to maintaining both careers. If you and your DH can and are ok with being constantly on, you'll be fine.

Also, as the PP said, they are very organized. Two careers and a new baby will show you ALL of your organizational shortcomings.

Agreed to the above. You will always be ON and DOING THINGS. There is no relaxing. Cancel your magazine subscriptions because they won't be read. My family's down time is doing things together now because when the baby is asleep we are keeping our household going as we can't afford to hire someone to do that and prefer daycare over nannies.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a General Counsel to a company and my wife is an ER Doc. For us, we really were fine with daycare. The big thing is to stagger your days. I do drop offs and pick ups because daycare is across the street from my office. I usually drop the kids off at 7 and usually pick them up at 5:45. We usually walk in the door at 6:30 or so and immediately eat dinner.

My wife typically works 6:30-2:30 MWF and 3-11 on TH. On Wednesdays and Fridays, she's usually pretty beat after the late night and will usually crash after her shift ends. We usually do a lot of the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. on days when she is either home without the kids or on the weekends. For example, usually on the late days, she throws a crock pot of something in and all I need to do is feed the kids, do the baths, evening wind-down, etc. I usually will finish laundry and get dinner cleaned up bags packed etc. after the kids go to bed.

The biggest thing is that we are constantly on. There is not a ton of down time during the day. We are also very organized. One thing my wife admits is that if she had to actually wear clothes other than scrubs to work (90 percent of the time), she would definitely find it more stressful to get out the door. The beauty expectations of office work seem to add an hour to her getting dressed (on days when she had to dress up at least).

For us, the administrative hassle of being an employer and dealing with nanny issues made daycare a better choice.

This is the key to maintaining both careers. If you and your DH can and are ok with being constantly on, you'll be fine.

Also, as the PP said, they are very organized. Two careers and a new baby will show you ALL of your organizational shortcomings.

Our non travel schedule is:

5:30 - husband wakes up
6:00 - I wake up
6:30 - husband leaves for work (he works in DC and we live in VA)
7:00 - Our son wakes up
7:45 - I drop our son off at daycare (we walk to it)
8:00 - I arrive at work (I work close to home/daycare)
5:30 - I leave work/pick son up at daycare
6:00 husband comes home and I work out for 30 minutes
6:30 - eat dinner
8:00 - put son to bed
9-11 - work from home/do home tasks (ie make lunch, put away toys, pay bills)

We actually do most of our home tasks on Friday night. We iron all of our clothes for the whole week then. I also meal plan and cook ahead over the weekend so we can just heat things up.

When one of us is traveling or have events in the am or pm we try to get ahead with as many home tasks (clothes, meals etc) as possible to make things seamless for the other.

Anonymous wrote:We do this but what helps is that I work from home and we have a nanny. Nanny works 8:30-5:30 and I continue working after baby is asleep. On my travel days Nanny works 7-6 or 7. My husband makes an effort to make bedtime when I travel (nearly always successfully). My not having a commute is what makes this work as easily as it does, also having a nanny who doesn't mind getting more OT on a somewhat unpredictable basis as long as I give her a week or so's notice. We also have a contract with a nanny agency for backup care.

I do this exact thing and it works well for us too!

We do this but what helps is that I work from home and we have a nanny. Nanny works 8:30-5:30 and I continue working after baby is asleep. On my travel days Nanny works 7-6 or 7. My husband makes an effort to make bedtime when I travel (nearly always successfully). My not having a commute is what makes this work as easily as it does, also having a nanny who doesn't mind getting more OT on a somewhat unpredictable basis as long as I give her a week or so's notice. We also have a contract with a nanny agency for backup care.

Anonymous wrote:OP again--just wanted to say thanks for all the thoughtful responses here. It's helpful to hear that a lot of folks have navigated this successfully and the specifics on nanny hours, scheduling, etc have been particularly useful. Really appreciate the time all of you have taken.

PP here with nanny. I am attorney and DH is consultant who travels a lot. Since you said schedules are helpful I thought I would give you mind bc realizing this was my new schedule was a rough thing for me. I think seeing this written out will show why a nanny is very helpful. I don't have to waste any time driving DD to daycare, doing DD's laundry or meal prep. Our lovely nanny also helps prep the adult dinner. She also does things like clean DD's bedroom, playroom, do DD's laundry including bedding. She also grocery shops for us.

5:30AM - wake up, get dressed, do household items like pay bills, empty dishwasher
6:30AM - DD wakes. We cuddle, eat breakfast together (with DH if he is home) and we play. The AM is our family time.
8AM - nanny arrives and I go to work.
6PM - I come home and typically DD has already had dinner with nanny and nanny cleaned up house
6-7 - I spend time with DD. This would not exist for us if we had daycare bc it would be a commute and giving dinner at home. DD has a snack while I have dinner.
7:30 - bath, stories, bed
7:30-11:30 - I work from home

I'm a General Counsel to a company and my wife is an ER Doc. For us, we really were fine with daycare. The big thing is to stagger your days. I do drop offs and pick ups because daycare is across the street from my office. I usually drop the kids off at 7 and usually pick them up at 5:45. We usually walk in the door at 6:30 or so and immediately eat dinner.

My wife typically works 6:30-2:30 MWF and 3-11 on TH. On Wednesdays and Fridays, she's usually pretty beat after the late night and will usually crash after her shift ends. We usually do a lot of the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. on days when she is either home without the kids or on the weekends. For example, usually on the late days, she throws a crock pot of something in and all I need to do is feed the kids, do the baths, evening wind-down, etc. I usually will finish laundry and get dinner cleaned up bags packed etc. after the kids go to bed.

The biggest thing is that we are constantly on. There is not a ton of down time during the day. We are also very organized. One thing my wife admits is that if she had to actually wear clothes other than scrubs to work (90 percent of the time), she would definitely find it more stressful to get out the door. The beauty expectations of office work seem to add an hour to her getting dressed (on days when she had to dress up at least).

For us, the administrative hassle of being an employer and dealing with nanny issues made daycare a better choice.