Anonymous wrote:PLEASE go. It is her day, regardless of what the pps tell you above. 10 year old DD will remember this.


--signed [former] child of divorce.

Agree. I don't know how my mother set it all aside for us, but she did and I am SO GRATEFUL. This could be a step forward in your own healing and empowerment as well as an awesome role for your daughter, who is on the edge of a most difficult social age.

Take a friend, don't stay long, and know that we are all rooting for you!! You can do this!!

Hire a male escort and show up with him as your new boyfriend.

So what will you do when your daughter gets married?

Not go because her father and his wife will be there and you don't want to be around either one of them?

I think it's great you're going and that your friend is going with you. Your daughter will love having you there. You're doing the very difficult but very right thing.

Anonymous wrote:Isn't this a friend party? Why does DD want you there?

No, this is DD's party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd go. I'd hold my head high, be gracious to Ex and New Wife, and enjoy watching DD have a great time with her friends.

I'm going to go, but it's not going to be easy at all. I also told myself I would never set foot in their house (the house that my ex and I were originally suppose to buy together), but I'll do it for my daughter's sake.

I do difficult things all the time. So I'd just toss this one on the list, you know? You can just walk in, say "Hi, thanks so much for letting me watch Delia enjoy her party; everything looks beautiful" and then when you're leaving say "Bye, thanks again for doing this for Delia; it's clear she had a great time."

Other than that, just sit on the side of the pool and interact with your DD and her friends when they invite you in. Think of it - you get to enjoy your DD's party without having to host it. You don't have to show anyone where the bathroom is, get anyone a bandaid, get more towels, prep the food, etc. Just enjoy your girl.

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE go. It is her day, regardless of what the pps tell you above. 10 year old DD will remember this.


--signed [former] child of divorce.

I can only ever remember my divorced parents doing things separately. We never merged lives, I'm 40 yrs old, and still don't. I never had the expectation that my parents had to be in the same room together, and still don't. It's really not a big deal like people make it out to be. The only time I can remember seeing them in the same room was my wedding. Other than that, never. Guess what? No big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd go. I'd hold my head high, be gracious to Ex and New Wife, and enjoy watching DD have a great time with her friends.

I'm going to go, but it's not going to be easy at all. I also told myself I would never set foot in their house (the house that my ex and I were originally suppose to buy together), but I'll do it for my daughter's sake.

Plan on buying yourself a treat for getting through this graciously. Massage, nice bottle of wine, new running shoes, a nice meal, a new outfit, whatever floats your boat.

Isn't this a friend party? Why does DD want you there?

PLEASE go. It is her day, regardless of what the pps tell you above. 10 year old DD will remember this.


--signed [former] child of divorce.

I'd go for your daughter. My parents got divorced after 25+ years and my mother refuses to be in the same room as my father, or when she is makes it uncomfortable for everyone. It wasn't so much an issue for me because I was past events that required both parents but my DD (her granddaughter) had to give her a talking to when it came time for a recent big event because my mother said she wouldn't come. Ultimately she did and it's gotten a little better, but she won't be there when the OW (now my fathers wife) is there. This also upsets my kids, who like my fathers wife and would like her to be at events too. This will be an issue when DD gets married and she and I will need to have another conversation with my mother about moving on (it's been 20 years so it's time). So please don't be that person who makes family events stressful and makes us worry about how we are going to handle events (like weddings) that aren't even here yet.

Anonymous wrote:I say no, don't go. Sorry, but even if yes, we are the adults, this is a no-no for me. I will not be putting myself in the situation of going to their house. I would offer my daughter some other choices to celebrate. But going to her father's house with the homewrecker will not be an option. She might not understand, she might not like it, but my sanity is way more important at that moment. I would not be able to survive that and I should not be subjected to it and what I might say.

And her daughter will forever remember her 10th birthday party as one her mother refused to go to. Don't be that memory, OP. Go and please your daughter.

I wouldn't go. F that.

Anonymous wrote:I'd go. I'd hold my head high, be gracious to Ex and New Wife, and enjoy watching DD have a great time with her friends.

I'm going to go, but it's not going to be easy at all. I also told myself I would never set foot in their house (the house that my ex and I were originally suppose to buy together), but I'll do it for my daughter's sake.

I'd go. I'd hold my head high, be gracious to Ex and New Wife, and enjoy watching DD have a great time with her friends.