Anonymous wrote:
Sorry, didn't mean to be cryptic. I didn't think it was important. It's only a big deal because younger son sees it as a big deal. He is dancing in a recital and has a little part just for him. It's the first thing we've been to for him, so he's wildly excited. So far, I've asked my SIL if she is free and could be there for that short period of time until I get there, but I haven't asked her to stay for the whole time or serve as co-host. I'm sure she would because our families have done a lot of favors for one another over the years. Between SIL and I, this is not an unreasonable request, given our relationship, but it sounds like it wouldn't do what I need it to do, which is buy me time.

Just to add - I would feel differently if younger son had a game or something that happens more than once. However, he's been talking dance all year at school and this is the grand finale.

I would reschedule the birthday party even if it's weeks out from actual birthday. Maybe have a couple friends over for pizza and cake on the actual birthday, too. Better to wait for the party than have it overshadowed by brother's recital and not have your parents attend.

I didn't think it was important. It's only a big deal because younger son sees it as a big deal. He is dancing in a recital and has a little part just for him. It's the first thing we've been to for him, so he's wildly excited. So far, I've asked my SIL if she is free and could be there for that short period of time until I get there, but I haven't asked her to stay for the whole time or serve as co-host. I'm sure she would because our families have done a lot of favors for one another over the years. Between SIL and I, this is not an unreasonable request, given our relationship, but it sounds like it wouldn't do what I need it to do, which is buy me time.

That's great for your younger son, and I understand why you and DH would both want to be there, but the reality is that there is no way for you both to do so while being fair to your older child, his party, and the parents who are agreeing to drop their kids off into your care. I really think the only choice is for you and DH to split up responsibilities - one parent goes to the recital, the other leaves the recital early enough to get to the party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- what is the other event? You've been pretty cryptic about it, which makes it sound like it's not as big of a deal as your leading us to believe.

Well, to us, it probably isn't, but that's neither here nor there, because she says it's important to that kid, which is all that matters.

However.

That is not the problem of the aunt who now is suddenly co-hosting party (there is NO WAY OP has even double checked this with her since it came up on the fly in this thread, LOL) or the parents of the kids who are coming to the party. It's on OP and DH to figure out in a way that is reasonable. Having aunt stay the whole time and fill in as mom for a bunch of kids she does not know isn't reasonable.

Sorry, didn't mean to be cryptic. I didn't think it was important. It's only a big deal because younger son sees it as a big deal. He is dancing in a recital and has a little part just for him. It's the first thing we've been to for him, so he's wildly excited. So far, I've asked my SIL if she is free and could be there for that short period of time until I get there, but I haven't asked her to stay for the whole time or serve as co-host. I'm sure she would because our families have done a lot of favors for one another over the years. Between SIL and I, this is not an unreasonable request, given our relationship, but it sounds like it wouldn't do what I need it to do, which is buy me time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But...honestly, do you really think it's important to greet the actual parent of the birthday child when you are dropping off yours for a drop-off party? I make sure to hand mine off to an adult so someone knows he's there but I cannot imagine being upset if told that birthday boy's parents are on their way due to other child's activity.

C'mon, that's a bit precious, isn't it? I'll be there when they pick up their child.

I don't care about hanging out with the parent, but I expect a responsible adult that I know will be there to be in charge when I drop my child off at a party. A random aunt, as great as she may actually be, is not going to put me at ease the same what that the parent of a child in my child's class is.

This. My kid doesn't even have allergies or other issues, which would make this more important, but a drop-off party means that parents are handing their children over into your care. They are trusting you to properly supervise their kids. Not being there when the kids are dropped off sends the message that you don't take that responsibility very seriously. Or worse, that you don't think of yourself as even having that responsibility.

I'm sure Aunt Becky will totally be a watchful and competent guardian of 15 eight year olds she's never met.

Anonymous wrote:

But...honestly, do you really think it's important to greet the actual parent of the birthday child when you are dropping off yours for a drop-off party? I make sure to hand mine off to an adult so someone knows he's there but I cannot imagine being upset if told that birthday boy's parents are on their way due to other child's activity.

C'mon, that's a bit precious, isn't it? I'll be there when they pick up their child.

I don't care about hanging out with the parent, but I expect a responsible adult that I know will be there to be in charge when I drop my child off at a party. A random aunt, as great as she may actually be, is not going to put me at ease the same what that the parent of a child in my child's class is.

This. My kid doesn't even have allergies or other issues, which would make this more important, but a drop-off party means that parents are handing their children over into your care. They are trusting you to properly supervise their kids. Not being there when the kids are dropped off sends the message that you don't take that responsibility very seriously. Or worse, that you don't think of yourself as even having that responsibility.

Anonymous wrote:OP- what is the other event? You've been pretty cryptic about it, which makes it sound like it's not as big of a deal as your leading us to believe.

Yes, OP, what is the other event?

Both parents and birthday child can still go to the event together. One parent just needs to leave early with birthday child via aunt's car, uber, or their own car.

I have 2 kids and we attend a lot of school events. Tons and tons of events where only one parent is present. Parents travel, have other commitments, etc.

OP- just reschedule the "other thing" or the birthday party. End of story.

Anonymous wrote:OP- what is the other event? You've been pretty cryptic about it, which makes it sound like it's not as big of a deal as your leading us to believe.

Well, to us, it probably isn't, but that's neither here nor there, because she says it's important to that kid, which is all that matters.

However.

That is not the problem of the aunt who now is suddenly co-hosting party (there is NO WAY OP has even double checked this with her since it came up on the fly in this thread, LOL) or the parents of the kids who are coming to the party. It's on OP and DH to figure out in a way that is reasonable. Having aunt stay the whole time and fill in as mom for a bunch of kids she does not know isn't reasonable.

OP- what is the other event? You've been pretty cryptic about it, which makes it sound like it's not as big of a deal as your leading us to believe.

Anonymous wrote:

I mean, god forbid, a kid gets injured or has a severe allergic reaction to something within the first 10 minutes of the party and neither your nor DH is there.

What would you do in this instance?? Call 911?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't evite everyone because I don't have all the emails. But, for those with an evite, is it acceptable to put on there that Aunt will be co-host due to a conflict?

I would not like asking, but I could ask her to stay for the whole thing, I guess, in case someone has an important message that they think 2 adults can't communicate?

My son is turning 8, most of the group is already 8 with, I think, one that will be 7 for another month after.

I am grateful that our DCs are not friends!

Hey, for all we know, they might be, so don't feel too grateful yet!

I am going through conniptions trying to get this sorted out! I've thrown a dozen ideas out there - thanks again for all of your advice, even if I can't take it all. I wouldn't have a problem leaving my 7 or 8 year old in this environment so I'm trying to accommodate issues that I wasn't aware existed. And I'm not missing my other child's thing; that's not negotiable but I'm trying to work on the rest.

Anonymous wrote:I can't evite everyone because I don't have all the emails. But, for those with an evite, is it acceptable to put on there that Aunt will be co-host due to a conflict?

I would not like asking, but I could ask her to stay for the whole thing, I guess, in case someone has an important message that they think 2 adults can't communicate?

My son is turning 8, most of the group is already 8 with, I think, one that will be 7 for another month after.

Just stop it, OP. You screwed up. One parent needs to be at the party when parents are there to drop their kid off. Period.

You are trying to put the blame on the parents by saying that they're too uptight, etc., etc., but the fact is that you and DH planned poorly and are trying to justify your bad manners as hosts. Do NOT put the burden on your sister. This is YOUR party to host.

I mean, god forbid, a kid gets injured or has a severe allergic reaction to something within the first 10 minutes of the party and neither your nor DH is there.

Anonymous wrote:I can't evite everyone because I don't have all the emails. But, for those with an evite, is it acceptable to put on there that Aunt will be co-host due to a conflict?

I would not like asking, but I could ask her to stay for the whole thing, I guess, in case someone has an important message that they think 2 adults can't communicate?

My son is turning 8, most of the group is already 8 with, I think, one that will be 7 for another month after.

I am grateful that our DCs are not friends!

Where is the party, OP? I basically think you have to be there (or DH), but I will feel more strongly if it is at a place like a trampoline park or something where other members of the public are there at the same time (as opposed to a facility or room that will be totally dedicated to your party the entire time). My kid needs to know an adult that he can turn to if something goes awry. In a small, dedicated space it will be obvious if it's your sister. In a big public area, the aunt that no one has met is not sufficient. And, at a trampoline park, someone gets hurt EVERY TIME. If you aren't there, I have to stay at the party. Which is fine, but then it is no longer a drop off party (annoying with an 8 year old) and I expect to be fed. So....