Anonymous wrote:If this isn't a troll, I'll bite. I am a SAHM with much more modest hhi and DH gives me $$ to do with what I want each month. This is not for regular items like clothes, but more for things like frivolous purses or spa days or travel with friends. I actually put a decent amount of it away into a savings account. NBD if I decided to give that $ to my brother -- it's already gone in DH's eyes.

OP here. I just brought up getting a set dollar amount per month. I said 5k. I did not bring up my family. I said I want to be able to save it or buy a purse or treat my friend on a trip.

It does not cause fights but I have a childhood friend who is recently divorced. I wanted to travel with her and DH did not want to cover her plane ticket. He was fine with paying for my hotel and my friend stay with me. When she first moved into an empty apartment with tears. I would have loved to gift her a couch or something. DH said no.

I think I am just more generous with others. DH will take turns treating friends to drinks or dinner but that is the extent of it.

My DH and I have joint money. It matters not how much each of us makes. His money is our money and my money is our money. So if we want to make a decision about how to spend money, WE have to decide how to spend it. Keep negotiating about your brother and family. You still have work to do to come to an understanding that you can both live with.

FWIW I think your DH is VERY generous with your family and brother. You could get a nice used car for $5000 for your brother - maybe your DH would go for that. Regardless, you need to come to an agreement. If one of you disagrees, then I think it is a no on spending. for example, if he wanted to buy boat for $150,000 and you said no, then it should be a no. Likewise with family support, although it is more difficult for sure because it is emotional.

Good luck OP - you'll get there - keep talking calmly.

I usually don't call troll, but...you spend $10000/mo and your husband even noticed (and cared) that you bought a $100 gift card to a grocery store? Stop it.

Anonymous wrote:If his seven figures is three times your income, you are pulling in at least $300K.

That is a perfectly comfortable income. If he feels so strongly about having a SAHP, then why can't HE stay home??

I was making about 200 while DH earned 600 when we both worked. DH changed jobs and earned about 800k when I quit my job. He just recently started earning 7 figures.

I used to make 300k but I cut down to 200k job for a more flexible schedule.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with your DH. He BOUGHT your brother a HOUSE?? And pays all his bills? And takes your family on vacation?? He is working his ass off and you are giving it all away. I can see this breeding serious resentment. He is working so hard so that his family can be well taken care of by his wife, and he panpers you so you can be happy staying home. He's not working all those hours so your brother can have a fancy new car. It sounds like your parents and brother are getting by just fine and they aren't at risk of being thrown on the street or starving. Keep slipping them gift cards here and there.

In answer to your question, no my DH does not pay me. We have a joint checking account and I buy whatever the kids and I need. We would together decide about giving money to family if they need it.

Thank you for your sensible response. The house my brother lives in is an investment property DH bought. We have other tenants. We do pay the bills. My family does not worry about money. They just have a limited budget. It is my own guilt. I have always been very generous with my family.

Anonymous wrote:If his seven figures is three times your income, you are pulling in at least $300K.

That is a perfectly comfortable income. If he feels so strongly about having a SAHP, then why can't HE stay home??

Does OP sound like someone who makes 300K? I smell a troll.

Anonymous wrote:Troll, troll, troll

+10000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can jeopardize your brothers benefits giving him income.

This. Your brother may see his benefits decrease or lose them altogether, which is more expense for you.

In regards to my brother, I want to get him a new car. I don't need to necessarily give him more per month. I also have 2 elderly retired parents. They live a very modest life with no luxuries. This has more to do with my parents than my brother.

This thread has made it pretty clear. I will go back to work.

When I was working, I was very resentful that I took the hit for every snow and sick day. DH earned about 3x what I did so of course it made sense that I was the default parent.

Having a successful husband has a lot of negatives.

You can get him a $5000-7000 car, it does not have to be new. Cut out spending for a month. Problem, who pays insurance and repairs.

I agree with your DH. He BOUGHT your brother a HOUSE?? And pays all his bills? And takes your family on vacation?? He is working his ass off and you are giving it all away. I can see this breeding serious resentment. He is working so hard so that his family can be well taken care of by his wife, and he panpers you so you can be happy staying home. He's not working all those hours so your brother can have a fancy new car. It sounds like your parents and brother are getting by just fine and they aren't at risk of being thrown on the street or starving. Keep slipping them gift cards here and there.

In answer to your question, no my DH does not pay me. We have a joint checking account and I buy whatever the kids and I need. We would together decide about giving money to family if they need it.

You are asking too much from your husband. He is already very generous than most DH. Your brother is not his responsibility. You can give from your own money, but not the family money if it's not agreeable with your DH.

You're risking your relationship between you and your DH. What if he feels taken advantage of by your family?

If this isn't a troll, I'll bite. I am a SAHM with much more modest hhi and DH gives me $$ to do with what I want each month. This is not for regular items like clothes, but more for things like frivolous purses or spa days or travel with friends. I actually put a decent amount of it away into a savings account. NBD if I decided to give that $ to my brother -- it's already gone in DH's eyes.

Troll, troll, troll

If his seven figures is three times your income, you are pulling in at least $300K.

That is a perfectly comfortable income. If he feels so strongly about having a SAHP, then why can't HE stay home??

I don't know, I SAH and we're also very generous to one of my parents who is in need. We pay for my family's vacations with us and we help support one of my family members. The decision for me to SAH was a joint one - and support for my family members is also a joint decision. We can well afford it without putting ourselves out in any way, so my husband pretty much just trusts my judgement and doesn't keep tabs on me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can jeopardize your brothers benefits giving him income.

This. Your brother may see his benefits decrease or lose them altogether, which is more expense for you.

In regards to my brother, I want to get him a new car. I don't need to necessarily give him more per month. I also have 2 elderly retired parents. They live a very modest life with no luxuries. This has more to do with my parents than my brother.

This thread has made it pretty clear. I will go back to work.

When I was working, I was very resentful that I took the hit for every snow and sick day. DH earned about 3x what I did so of course it made sense that I was the default parent.

Having a successful husband has a lot of negatives.

With your joint incomes you could easily afford a nanny (or au pair) and not have to worry about taking off sick or snow days.

Does your brother have a car? Maybe you can compromise with your DH and get a used one. Honestly though it just sounds like the two of you resent each other.