Anonymous wrote:Dog people are all crazy.

+1000.

Anonymous wrote:Board the dog and all 3 of you go.

This! How insanely rude to assume your dog was invited. Geez.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't buy into MIL's argument. She doesn't want a second dog at her house, period (along with human guests). But she needs to be honest about the reason rather than pegging it to a safety concern which she thought she could use to shut you down (sort of a shaming technique). Don't take your dog to her house. She does not want it there. But DH needs to make her admit her reasoning because what she's now done is make you guys feel like your somehow bad parents and that's not fair.

I guess this is what it is, but I'm so confused as to why now? We've had our dog for 7 years and always bring her to their house every time we visit. Our dog and their dog have been together for the past 5 years and she's never said anything to us about not bringing our dog.

It really upsets me that she really is shaming us and our parenting skills. I usually have a fantastic relationship with her and my FIL. I wish I knew what the rationale was behind all this. . .

Can you step away from your emotion for a moment here and be more objective?

When an adult whom you know well suddenly does or says things that are outside what he or she normally does or says, then there may be something totally different going on.

It may not be about your parenting skills at all, OP. Please don't assume that it is. Assuming that makes it about you and DH, when it might be that she and/or FIL have problems that you know nothing about, and which aren't really about the dog or your parenting.

If your relationship with her is "fantastic" as you note -- then you need to be the grown-up here, when she and especially your husband are not, and approach her with sincere concern: "Hey, Sally, I know you and DH are both sparring about the dog thing, but I am wondering if there is more going on here. Is everything OK with you? With FIL?"

Do some gentle inquring. Put your own hurt to the side here and consider that she might be thinking irrationally because of things that don't make sense to YOU, but which are still making her act outisde her normal behaviors.

Maybe she read an article about previously fine dogs going pack-mentality and hurting a kid unexpectedly. Or she knows (and doesn't want to tell you) that her own dog is having issues or getting older and less predictable. Or she has utterly unrelated problems like her own or FIL's health issues that she hasn't revealed yet, and she's feeling overwhelmed by the idea of the visit, and thinks that not having your dog there will make it a bit more manageable for her.

Tell your husband this stuff. See if he can be the adult here too and treat this as "maybe mom's actually worried about something else" or "maybe mom's had issues with our dog all along and didn't want to tell us before" etc.

Put the emphasis on your MIL (and ask your DH to focus on his mom) rather than on how you and he feel right now, especially if you have both had a good relationship with her previously. This is absolutely not a hill to die on or a reason to cut off visits. Instead, it might be a red flag for other issues.

Dog people are all crazy.