I also wanted to mention that religious faith can often help people through difficult times.

I'm not suggesting this in lieu of what the other posters said but in addition to it. Do you have a religious tradition in the family you could expand on?

Its Really a big issue. You should consult some doctors for his treatment.

Anonymous wrote:Says his life sucks. I really don't know what to do. We have him in therapy, but he says it doesn't do any good. He actually has a great life in many ways. Nice home, good friends, decent parents - though his dad is gone a lot, he is struggling a bit in school on the academic side, and is skinny for his age, which may be an issue for him with respect to athletics, but he plays on several teams and is decent athlete. He refuses to talk to a psychiatrist or consider medication. No drug or alcohol use. Not interested in girls yet (13). He says he feels this way every day.

I echo the other PPs' sentiments about taking it seriously and also about finding a new therapist.

You need to do an assessment about his access to means. Do you have a gun in the house? What kinds of medications do you have in the house? Any stockpile of meds? Does he have razors in his room? Does he cut (without intention to kill himself)? As best as you can, remove his access to means.

You say that he refuses to talk to a psychiatrist. It might take some time to find someone. In the meantime, you need to find out who he is willing to open up to and enlist their help. The hardest thing about depression and suicide is that you can't make someone talk or open up. If it is possible for you, I'd recommend offering to listen to him without judgement or trying to tell him what to do. Accept his feelings as they are in the moment. Comments like, "But you have a great life" or "What do you have to be depressed about?" will create a lot of distance and make him less likely to come forth with how he is feeling. Explore why he feels like ending his life. Where's his pain? People who are suicidal look at suicide as the solution to ending their pain. They don't really want their life to end, just for the pain to end.

It might not be possible for you to be the one whom your son confides in. He might care too much about you to be willing to reveal how much he is suffering directly to you.

See if it's possible to create a safety plan with him. That if he finds himself with strong suicidal urges, that he has options about what to do to cope. Some ideas: (1) Call whoever he would be most comfortable calling (2) Or perhaps identify someone that he can text if texting is more natural for him, (3) Listen to music/Watch favorite YouTube channel/station for distraction, (4) Call/Text you, (5) Call the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-TALK. Also, some people have a creative streak in them and that can help -- like doing art, poetry, making music, drawing.

I'd strap him the car and drive straight to a psychiatrist. Not to scare you, but there was preteen suicide in our area - Mt. Vernon, VA - last year. The child hung himself in his closet. I would take your son seriously.

I have a 9 yr. old and if he had those thoughts, I'd drag him kicking and screaming to the dr. I also suffer from seasonal depression and meds help me. The upside? He's telling you how he feels, so he wants help!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to get him to a psychiatrist. You really do. Do whatever it takes. Take away all privileges and activities. You are the parent of a 13 year old -- it's not like he can drive himself away.

Mental illness has nothing to do with how "good" someone's life is or what real-world problems people have. It's biochemical -- it's an illness and it needs to be treated like an illness. You need to get him to a doctor, just as you would if he had cancer.

Why would you take away all privileges and activities? Punish him for being depressed?

This has already been addressed up-thread. To get him to go to the psychiatrist by whatever means necessary. A kid with cancer doesn't get to choose to stay home and play games or do activities because she doesn't feel like going to the oncologist. Getting treatment is not optional, it's necessary to try to address a potentially life-threatening illness. OP's kid is too young to make life-or-death medical decisions by himself.