Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you give him time to hit the gym?

Or is it one more chore after another from you?

I am so sick of this obnoxious troll.

Touched a nerve, did I?

Not with me - DH is skinny and I do the chores as a SAHM. (And I know how you feel about us SAHMs! I think I'm the one hitting a nerve with you. ) And you don't seem to have struck a nerve with OP, either. I just recognize your dumb MRA posts and misogynistic one-track mind. You are tedious.

I think you have me confused with someone else as I haven't said one word about SAHMs here or really in any thread.

My point is simply that if you expect a certain goal from your spouse, you need to provide the resources necessary to make it happen. So if OP wants her DH to lose weight, she needs to support him (and it seems she does.)

A surprising number of men and women seem to have contradictory whining.
"You should go out more ... The kids just cried all night!"
"You should lose weight ... No, you can't come home from work at 7:30pm, the kids need you!"

Many spouses deal with struggling with weight gain in their mate. This is a video I found that is addressing weight gain http://bit.ly/1V1w43l it is actually for a husband struggling with his wife's weight gain but you may find some helpful insights. Weight is such a hard issues to deal with because when a person struggles with self-esteem and image they often let their weight go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering, when you say overweight, how overweight? I mean, there is a big difference between a BMI of 28 ( overweight) and a BMI of 40.


I am overweight. Always have been. I currently weigh 10 lbs more than I did when I married. The only time when I lost significant weight was before a cancer diagnosis.

OP here. He's right around a BMI of 40. Maybe higher - he hasn't been on a scale in a while.

I have a very high tolerance for some body size variability. Earlier in our relationship we both had some ups and downs. This current issue is just in another category - and it's not really the appearance which is a problem for me; it's the other things i mentioned in my OP. Mostly the complete lack of vigor and hygiene issues.

BMI 40 is not where hygiene should come into play... I mean short of physical impairment of some sort, he should very well be able to wipe his butt. The skin folds should not be growing mold either. The way describe him, I thought he was on the verge of becoming a 600 lb. shut-in.

As a former fatty myself, here are some thoughts -

Exercise when you are overweight is really hard. I mean it takes a lot more effort to do anything physical. I recall even standing up doing 10 minutes of housework left me tired! I know it sounds pathetic and it is but it is really true. So every time I thought about exercising I didn't because I knew that I really could only probably do like a few minutes worth and everything I read said "do 30 minutes". It was really tough and embarrassing to even go out for a walk in the neighborhood because I knew that neighbors would see me and I worried they would think why did I just walk a few blocks and come home. Sure, it's easy to say I shouldn't have worried, etc but you know when you are fat, you already stick out enough and doing anything that will make you stick out more just sucks.

What helped was finally just letting go of the idea of exercise until I lost enough weight that it wasn't painful (for me it was @50 lbs). I instead focused on changing eating which was much better approach.

In terms of hygiene, it might not be lack of wiping but yeast infection (in skin folds) and sweat that you are smelling. It was something that I didn't even realize could happen and was smelling because you always smell odors on yourself last. I realized it when I caught a whiff of clothing I was putting in the laundry. The best advice for this is shower daily, make sure to dry all skin folds, no tight clothes especially in the thigh area, wash/dry clean clothes - especially pants - after each wear, stick with cotton fabrics, for infection or red areas in skin folds are chaffing, use an anti-fungal cream over the counter, if it doesn't work, see a doctor.

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering, when you say overweight, how overweight? I mean, there is a big difference between a BMI of 28 ( overweight) and a BMI of 40.


I am overweight. Always have been. I currently weigh 10 lbs more than I did when I married. The only time when I lost significant weight was before a cancer diagnosis.

OP here. He's right around a BMI of 40. Maybe higher - he hasn't been on a scale in a while.

I have a very high tolerance for some body size variability. Earlier in our relationship we both had some ups and downs. This current issue is just in another category - and it's not really the appearance which is a problem for me; it's the other things i mentioned in my OP. Mostly the complete lack of vigor and hygiene issues.

I am wondering, when you say overweight, how overweight? I mean, there is a big difference between a BMI of 28 ( overweight) and a BMI of 40.


I am overweight. Always have been. I currently weigh 10 lbs more than I did when I married. The only time when I lost significant weight was before a cancer diagnosis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP i don't think you will stay sexually attracted to him as he ages and as you both sag and get more gaunt (gauntness is more prevalent in thin people as they age) by the time you are beyond your 50's its not as much about sexual attraction but being comfortable yet sexual with the other.

I do realize this. But, I want a sexual relationship with him. Doesn't have to be a lot. Part of the problem is that we never had great sex, so this is exacerbating it. It's gotten to the point that I am pretty much sexually repulsed by him. It makes me sad and angry, though I don't really even blame him. I realize people grow old and get fat, it happens to so many people. But his fat somehow equals extreme lethargy so it just makes the sex problems way worse. He can't even seem to kiss me with vigor - any physical effort is just too much for him. Is that just how it is as people age?

No this is not how people age. My husband and I are at the gym each morning. We could run a half marathon without notice. We got more fit once we had kids, we wanted to set a good example. My 70yr old mother plays tennis.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you give him time to hit the gym?

Or is it one more chore after another from you?

I am so sick of this obnoxious troll.

Touched a nerve, did I?

Not with me - DH is skinny and I do the chores as a SAHM. (And I know how you feel about us SAHMs! I think I'm the one hitting a nerve with you. ) And you don't seem to have struck a nerve with OP, either. I just recognize your dumb MRA posts and misogynistic one-track mind. You are tedious.