Anonymous wrote:After responding she continues to use the phrase "let me ask this again", maybe I am reading this wrong but is this a rude way of assuming I am not understanding what she is asking for? This keeps coming up after I respond multiple times to her questions. I am not trying to cause confrontation but could I be misinterpreting her tone on this one?

Ask her?

Anonymous wrote:I would say "Am I not speaking clearly" or "How can I explain it better for you." Say it in a very nice voice and with a smile. Her phrase is condescending.

+1. Rude. I would kill her with kindness, but I'm Southern.

Anonymous wrote:Op, with your updates, I'm going to change my advice - I think you need to change the way you answer her questions. She's asking "is it resolved" and you're saying "yes" but the answer is actually no. Instead, when the answer is not what you want it to be - give her a time when she can expect it to be resolved.

+1

I agree with some others that she is either low intelligence or condescending. Hard to tell which ... but you probably know which from dealing with her. Sounds super redneck to me.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- Great feedback! Thank you all for the varied advice. This is a coworker not my supervisor. Senior as in she has been here 4 years longer than I have but not in a managerial position or role. So essentially peers separated only by the number of years we have worked at this company. Non government and not handling life saving issues just your run of the mill IT firm.

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. It is minor things really, and yes she is in a more senior role. Example: "Debbie, I am still receiving the alert, did you change the alert in the system?" "Yes, I changed it but there is an error in the system so it did not save the change. I spoke with Todd and he confirmed this issue." " Let me ask this again - did you change the alert in the system?" "Yes, there is an error and it did not save the change"... What more can I say? I would say I explained it clearly. Possibly she is trying to get a rise out of me? I have always replied with detailed information.. As detailed as possible.

You're responding yes when the answer is no in your example. You TRIED to change the alert but were unsuccessful. I think she's trying to let you know your responses aren't clear. Yes, in a condescending way, but this could be the result of a build up of frustration with your communication style.

Sometimes less is more.

+1. Maybe she is just slow on the uptake. When she asks "Debbie, I am still receiving the alert, did you change the alert in the system?" I'd just say "Yes" and wouldn't bother with the rest of it unless she asks.

But that isn't really true because the change did not take. "There is an error. Please ignore alert until Todd is able to fix it."

No, it is true. She did change the alert. It's not her fault that the change did not take.

You are incorrect. She did not change the alert. She tried to change the alert. It would actually have had to been saved for it to be changed. As is, it is not changed, but she did try. I work in IT and people frequently want to know what has been done, not what's being tried.

If the answer is not concrete (e.g. "the change was implemented, please try again or please reload"), then just give a general in progress message (e.g. "no, a change has not been made. We'll send out a notice/announcement when we have an update."). Details including who is working, who tried what are typically irrelevant to most people who are not directly involved in the remediation or the management chain responsible for that remediation.

This is spot on. I have a deep appreciation for all that my IT group does but I don't need the nitty gritty of what they are doing to fix a problem, just whether it is fixed and, if not, the ETA on the fix. TBH, I can't understand the nitty gritty most of the time anyways because I don't know how to do their job. I don't know the implications of "I tried Fix A and it failed so I'm trying Fix B" vs "I tried Fix X but it didn't work so I'm trying Fix Y" - I just need "Yep it's fixed" or "Nope, gonna need a day or two."

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. It is minor things really, and yes she is in a more senior role. Example: "Debbie, I am still receiving the alert, did you change the alert in the system?" "Yes, I changed it but there is an error in the system so it did not save the change. I spoke with Todd and he confirmed this issue." " Let me ask this again - did you change the alert in the system?" "Yes, there is an error and it did not save the change"... What more can I say? I would say I explained it clearly. Possibly she is trying to get a rise out of me? I have always replied with detailed information.. As detailed as possible.

You're responding yes when the answer is no in your example. You TRIED to change the alert but were unsuccessful. I think she's trying to let you know your responses aren't clear. Yes, in a condescending way, but this could be the result of a build up of frustration with your communication style.

Sometimes less is more.

+1. Maybe she is just slow on the uptake. When she asks "Debbie, I am still receiving the alert, did you change the alert in the system?" I'd just say "Yes" and wouldn't bother with the rest of it unless she asks.

But that isn't really true because the change did not take. "There is an error. Please ignore alert until Todd is able to fix it."

No, it is true. She did change the alert. It's not her fault that the change did not take.

You are incorrect. She did not change the alert. She tried to change the alert. It would actually have had to been saved for it to be changed. As is, it is not changed, but she did try. I work in IT and people frequently want to know what has been done, not what's being tried.

If the answer is not concrete (e.g. "the change was implemented, please try again or please reload"), then just give a general in progress message (e.g. "no, a change has not been made. We'll send out a notice/announcement when we have an update."). Details including who is working, who tried what are typically irrelevant to most people who are not directly involved in the remediation or the management chain responsible for that remediation.

Anonymous wrote:After responding she continues to use the phrase "let me ask this again", maybe I am reading this wrong but is this a rude way of assuming I am not understanding what she is asking for? This keeps coming up after I respond multiple times to her questions. I am not trying to cause confrontation but could I be misinterpreting her tone on this one?

I think it depends on the delivery. I wouldn't assume rudeness, though, and probably wouldn't leap to a rude response.

I've used this phrase occasionally with a member of my team, although I usually preface it with, "maybe I'm not being clear...". I'm not trying to be rude, I'm acknowledging that we are not in sync with our communication, so let's clear it up. This particular team member will give me a 2 minute explanation for everything related to her work, except the question I asked. I don't assume bad intentions on her part for not answering my question. However, I still need my question answered, so clearly, we need to rephrase the conversation. My boss, who is direct to the point of being terse, will tell me "that's not what I asked" or "that's not what I need to know" if I don't answer her questions correctly. Do I find her rude? No, she's just direct and is trying to get us on the same page.

Communication is an imperfect thing, complicated by the rush to judge intentions and tones. Next time it happens, OP, try to avoid jumping to conclusions and simply ask clearly and politely what she means. Your work life will be a lot less stressful if you don't ascribe rudeness to exchanges with her and just strive for clarity. Good luck.'

Op, with your updates, I'm going to change my advice - I think you need to change the way you answer her questions. She's asking "is it resolved" and you're saying "yes" but the answer is actually no. Instead, when the answer is not what you want it to be - give her a time when she can expect it to be resolved.