Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I didn't have an exclusivity discussion until we took our wedding vows. According to many posters it would have been wrong for either of us to expect exclusivity since we didn't explicitly address it until we got the altar....

I'll say that I don't think either of you were explicitly wrong. At some point, relationships do go exclusive without explicitly discussing the topic, the question is when that happens. Personally, I think meeting families is when you start to get into the grey area, but that doesn't help you, OP.

Ignore the advice to spill your heart and cheesy BS about how seeing her out with another dude made your realize you want her to be exclusive. First, life is not a romantic comedy. Second, telling somebody that seeing her with someone else makes you want her to be exclusive is possessive. You want to be exclusive because you want to be with her. Full stop.

From the 30,000 foot view, you aren't going to be able to get this out of your head, even if she agrees to make this exclusive. Given your postings in this thread, I would just cut my losses and move on and be more direct about exclusivity in the future.

This is so full of crap... not until the alter eh? what about when you proposed? You obviously discussed it in some way and now you are just being intentionally dense...

If you are unable to communicate what you want and need, no one is going to just give it to you

At some point in time there was an implied exclusivity while my wife and I were dating. Hell, an engagement is also a pretty strong statement of exclusivity, but We never sat down and discussed it. I guess early in our relationship she saw me ignoring booty call texts/calls I was getting in the middle of the night, but we never actually discussed exclusivity. Not sure why you think this a load of crap.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

Yes, they do. You just didn't, and you paid the price. Own it.

Yes. Quit trying to pin it on how things are done today. You're wrong. If you liked this girl and didn't want her dating around you should have said so by now. And don't ruin it by getting whiny and possessive about the sex stuff. Grow up. You're 34. And I think the fact that you're ignoring her now and making her wait to even talk you're risking it. If it were me I'd feel like you're trying to punish me and I'd start thinking that maybe you aren't someone I want to be exclusive with. Heartbroken? Geeze.

+1. Women get treated like their crazy if they try and "tie a dude down" with exclusivity too soon which leads to a lot of women not wanting to be the one to bring it up. If you didn't state you wanted to be exclusive, if you didn't even bring it up as a topic of discussion, you weren't exclusive and she was free to date around.

If I were her, you ignoring me for days afterwards and not taking my calls would piss me right the hell off and I would be cutting ties with you ASAP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you be angry if (1) you don't know anything about the circumstances and (2) you never told her you wanted to be exclusive? What if this was a cousin, a friend, a contact from work?

It was definitely work. She was cuddled up next to him I'm a booth.


She doesn't sleep around. She's not that type of woman and I won let you insinuate that she is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I didn't have an exclusivity discussion until we took our wedding vows. According to many posters it would have been wrong for either of us to expect exclusivity since we didn't explicitly address it until we got the altar....

I'll say that I don't think either of you were explicitly wrong. At some point, relationships do go exclusive without explicitly discussing the topic, the question is when that happens. Personally, I think meeting families is when you start to get into the grey area, but that doesn't help you, OP.

Ignore the advice to spill your heart and cheesy BS about how seeing her out with another dude made your realize you want her to be exclusive. First, life is not a romantic comedy. Second, telling somebody that seeing her with someone else makes you want her to be exclusive is possessive. You want to be exclusive because you want to be with her. Full stop.

From the 30,000 foot view, you aren't going to be able to get this out of your head, even if she agrees to make this exclusive. Given your postings in this thread, I would just cut my losses and move on and be more direct about exclusivity in the future.

This is so full of crap... not until the alter eh? what about when you proposed? You obviously discussed it in some way and now you are just being intentionally dense...

If you are unable to communicate what you want and need, no one is going to just give it to you

Anonymous wrote:My wife and I didn't have an exclusivity discussion until we took our wedding vows. According to many posters it would have been wrong for either of us to expect exclusivity since we didn't explicitly address it until we got the altar....

I'll say that I don't think either of you were explicitly wrong. At some point, relationships do go exclusive without explicitly discussing the topic, the question is when that happens. Personally, I think meeting families is when you start to get into the grey area, but that doesn't help you, OP.

Ignore the advice to spill your heart and cheesy BS about how seeing her out with another dude made your realize you want her to be exclusive. First, life is not a romantic comedy. Second, telling somebody that seeing her with someone else makes you want her to be exclusive is possessive. You want to be exclusive because you want to be with her. Full stop.

From the 30,000 foot view, you aren't going to be able to get this out of your head, even if she agrees to make this exclusive. Given your postings in this thread, I would just cut my losses and move on and be more direct about exclusivity in the future.

Anonymous wrote:Why hadn't you asked her out on a date for Saturday night? Prime day night and you were hanging out with your buddies?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

Yes, they do. You just didn't, and you paid the price. Own it.

Yes. Quit trying to pin it on how things are done today. You're wrong. If you liked this girl and didn't want her dating around you should have said so by now. And don't ruin it by getting whiny and possessive about the sex stuff. Grow up. You're 34. And I think the fact that you're ignoring her now and making her wait to even talk you're risking it. If it were me I'd feel like you're trying to punish me and I'd start thinking that maybe you aren't someone I want to be exclusive with. Heartbroken? Geeze.