This is an expensive area where there are a lot of highly accomplished women. I think its reasonable for men to expect their future wives to be able to contribute financially to the household in a meaningful way. Around here, day care is so expensive that if you make much less than $80K its not worth it to continue working once you have kids. Most men (and women) are just not able to be the sole breadwinner in this day and age.

I think its rare for men to be straight up gold diggers though, but my brother in law may fall into this category. He relentlessly pursued a girl mainly because her family is wealthy and he wanted to live the country club life. He ended up marrying a highly accomplished woman and moved out to California to be with her, without a job lined up.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it's a new thing, just easier to see now due to online dating. About 25 years ago, I had lost touch with 2 guys from my friend group. They did not seem interested in remaining friends or dating (they dated most of the other girls in our friend grouping at the time.) I assumed it was because I was more introverted and studious, not as attractive, etc...

Then word got around that I was going to a prestigious university for grad school. Both guys called me up about 2 months in the program and wanted to get together and go out. I did, and it seemed that they wanted to date my grad school, not me, and I realized that they had not wanted to go out with me all those years because ... I was too poor and not prestigious enough. Very pissed, because I assumed I had a crappy personality and/or unattractive, not that I was just less rich than my friends. Never went out with them again.

Don't kid yourself, you're still pretty fugly.

Anonymous wrote:Men no longer are raised by parents who believe in pulling them up by the boot straps. Most of them want to graduate from college, find a job that lands them in the 90k+ salary range with zero to limited experience. They expect the woman to pay for the date, or go dutch, and they expect the woman to own a home before they do. Women who are smart with their money are desirable, but women who are able to make bank can fund these (pathetic) high maintenance men to take the pressure off being the breadwinner.

What fantasy world do you live in?

Anonymous wrote:I just find it funny the same men who wouldn't give me the time of day in my 20's are now chasing after me in my 30's once they heard from my brother I am making a nice 6-figure salary from running my own business!

I have dated some, but have NOT been married yet (by choice, I was proposed to 2x and declined both as they were both not suitable for me- NOT because of their salary but due to their cheating on me! At least they were man enough to admit they were wrong, we are still on speaking terms no hate here)....

Now I see what the men mean by "gold diggers"...now its just in reverse the men are digging for my "gold"!

Things that make you go hmmm....

Pics or nobody believes you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because women that has no money will clean us out if divorced. I'd rather have one with money and she can keep hers as long as I keep mine ( I also make good money).

Why get married at all? Can you help who you fall in love with? What if its betty and not veronica? If you stay with veronica and her high maintenance snobby ass you could be miserable.

LOL This is the question many married people ask themselves these days. Why indeed.

"In love" is for very young people who truly can't help themselves. Good thing they rarely have much to lose. When you get older and accumulate assets, your attitude towards coupling and motives behind it changes. You don't rush into things just because your hormones are acting up.

You're also less likely to succumb to societal pressure to get married, which is why most people who decide to get married do so before 30. So they can have that societal stamp of approval.

Fuck 'em.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men no longer are raised by parents who believe in pulling them up by the boot straps. Most of them want to graduate from college, find a job that lands them in the 90k+ salary range with zero to limited experience. They expect the woman to pay for the date, or go dutch, and they expect the woman to own a home before they do. Women who are smart with their money are desirable, but women who are able to make bank can fund these (pathetic) high maintenance men to take the pressure off being the breadwinner.

Losers in my book. We know tons, many are divorced now because the women wised up. I know 2 who are living in rentals at 45 years old, I know they don't have decent retirements either. Their only hope is snagging some rich oldly.

Yes because women do not do this? Wow you all are off in Lala live. The stats I see say 35% of men and 32% of women 22-32 live at home. So I guess those women are loser too? No gold digging woman would think 80k a year is worth crossing the street over. LOL

80k is Cumberland rich. Not even making the radar in this area. Lol.

Not really. Just look at any job site and narrow the 80k and above jobs youd only run across maybe 1000 in the area vs 8000 jobs making under 30k

Anonymous wrote:I know blue collar level guys who are doing this; my friend (who lives in a blue collar area) has supported 3 of guys over the past few years while they were dating. DH has pointedly asked me--"do any guys in your home area work or do they just live off women?" With that said, it is harder for the guys to find work that pays what their Dad's were paid; most of it is service industry work, and the blue collar trades are harder to get into (and full of guys.)

Not sure about the men on this forum. Maybe the need for 2 incomes in the DC area makes them not want to date anyone who does not earn as much as they do? 80K seems rather high though--they will probably eliminate many younger attractive college graduates getting their state in the DC metro, many federal employees, and non-profit employees.

Maybe it is just equal opportunity to be a gold digger, like a certain subset of women?

I'm also thinking that it depends on demographics.

I just find it funny the same men who wouldn't give me the time of day in my 20's are now chasing after me in my 30's once they heard from my brother I am making a nice 6-figure salary from running my own business!

I have dated some, but have NOT been married yet (by choice, I was proposed to 2x and declined both as they were both not suitable for me- NOT because of their salary but due to their cheating on me! At least they were man enough to admit they were wrong, we are still on speaking terms no hate here)....

Now I see what the men mean by "gold diggers"...now its just in reverse the men are digging for my "gold"!

Things that make you go hmmm....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men no longer are raised by parents who believe in pulling them up by the boot straps. Most of them want to graduate from college, find a job that lands them in the 90k+ salary range with zero to limited experience. They expect the woman to pay for the date, or go dutch, and they expect the woman to own a home before they do. Women who are smart with their money are desirable, but women who are able to make bank can fund these (pathetic) high maintenance men to take the pressure off being the breadwinner.

Losers in my book. We know tons, many are divorced now because the women wised up. I know 2 who are living in rentals at 45 years old, I know they don't have decent retirements either. Their only hope is snagging some rich oldly.

Yes because women do not do this? Wow you all are off in Lala live. The stats I see say 35% of men and 32% of women 22-32 live at home. So I guess those women are loser too? No gold digging woman would think 80k a year is worth crossing the street over. LOL

80k is Cumberland rich. Not even making the radar in this area. Lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it's a new thing, just easier to see now due to online dating. About 25 years ago, I had lost touch with 2 guys from my friend group. They did not seem interested in remaining friends or dating (they dated most of the other girls in our friend grouping at the time.) I assumed it was because I was more introverted and studious, not as attractive, etc...

Then word got around that I was going to a prestigious university for grad school. Both guys called me up about 2 months in the program and wanted to get together and go out. I did, and it seemed that they wanted to date my grad school, not me, and I realized that they had not wanted to go out with me all those years because ... I was too poor and not prestigious enough. Very pissed, because I assumed I had a crappy personality and/or unattractive, not that I was just less rich than my friends. Never went out with them again.

How is this gold digging? Prestigious grad school =\= rich. Why would you be pissed? Manny woman make the same choice with men. They want the resume not the man. Welcome to the real world!

Yes, PP here. I found out about the real world 30 years ago, thanks. I'm happy with my very loving middle income DH for many moons now.

Came here to make the point that men looking for prestige or money is not a new thing--it's just more visible with online dating than with "in real life" only dating of many moons ago. I would have never known those twentysomething guys 25+ years ago were primarily interested in status and/or an indicator their girlfriend would make more money until that incident occurred. One of them is now newly divorced, with an ex-wife who found out the hard way she was only wanted for her money and social status, while he had a special male friend on the side. (thanks facebook, that was golden!) Am so glad I became pissed and did not believe a word they said to me, after those years of ignoring me--if I had not, I could be that woman.

It is no different from women who do the same thing; women need to protect themselves just like many men have done for years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because women that has no money will clean us out if divorced. I'd rather have one with money and she can keep hers as long as I keep mine ( I also make good money).

Why get married at all? Can you help who you fall in love with? What if its betty and not veronica? If you stay with veronica and her high maintenance snobby ass you could be miserable.

LOL This is the question many married people ask themselves these days. Why indeed.

"In love" is for very young people who truly can't help themselves. Good thing they rarely have much to lose. When you get older and accumulate assets, your attitude towards coupling and motives behind it changes. You don't rush into things just because your hormones are acting up.

so older people in their 30's and beyond can't be truly "in love" like very young people. I guess they get wiser and their eyes are dollar signs and focused only on the material and how sexually experienced the partner is. Then again wouldn't this be the reason why guys cheat on their wives with younger women? they want someone who is not being a leech to their cash and wants sex and love.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it's a new thing, just easier to see now due to online dating. About 25 years ago, I had lost touch with 2 guys from my friend group. They did not seem interested in remaining friends or dating (they dated most of the other girls in our friend grouping at the time.) I assumed it was because I was more introverted and studious, not as attractive, etc...

Then word got around that I was going to a prestigious university for grad school. Both guys called me up about 2 months in the program and wanted to get together and go out. I did, and it seemed that they wanted to date my grad school, not me, and I realized that they had not wanted to go out with me all those years because ... I was too poor and not prestigious enough. Very pissed, because I assumed I had a crappy personality and/or unattractive, not that I was just less rich than my friends. Never went out with them again.

How is this gold digging? Prestigious grad school =\= rich. Why would you be pissed? Manny woman make the same choice with men. They want the resume not the man. Welcome to the real world!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because women that has no money will clean us out if divorced. I'd rather have one with money and she can keep hers as long as I keep mine ( I also make good money).

Why get married at all? Can you help who you fall in love with? What if its betty and not veronica? If you stay with veronica and her high maintenance snobby ass you could be miserable.

LOL This is the question many married people ask themselves these days. Why indeed.

"In love" is for very young people who truly can't help themselves. Good thing they rarely have much to lose. When you get older and accumulate assets, your attitude towards coupling and motives behind it changes. You don't rush into things just because your hormones are acting up.

i'm also remarrying and i look for a tall blonde, naturally tanned skin or olive skin because pale skin wrinkles quickly, blue eyes, makes at least 100k because i need to keep my assets in case things don't work out, loves to cook, loves kids and is good with them, from a stable family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because women that has no money will clean us out if divorced. I'd rather have one with money and she can keep hers as long as I keep mine ( I also make good money).

This is an excellent point, and I wouldn't fault a guy for that. If I were to remarry, protecting my assets would be my #1 concern. A major reason why I won't even think of remarrying should things go south with DH. I am very much done with legal obligations and all that nonsense.

I agree, I'm a woman. I ended up getting remarried but kept my previous home separate because it was an expensive property. Today it's paid off and I get rental income, it's great. My husband is fine with that because that's what we agreed to. We built other assets together and have been happily married 20 years. Keep your pre-marital stuff separate, build a life with your new partner. More than fair imo.