You feel queasy accepting a gift from your parents....oy...therapy OP.

I get Valentine's candy, an Easter basket and a birthday check every year from my grandma. So sweet!

op: The Fidel Castro story was helpful, so thank you for that. I decided to cash the check, and I have just put the stamp on the thank you note. I even preserved my pride by writing the thank you note on the back of a photo of my kids, so I don't feel like a little child myself. My husband is depositing the check because it makes me queasy. Thanks to everyone who persuaded me to 'do the right thing' 2 months after the fact. Better late than never. By the way, it was the kind words that moved me, not the nasty judgmental ones!

Anonymous wrote:op: I have a very strained relationship with them. The check feels infantilizing, if that's a word.

I can see how you might take it that way if the relationship is strained, OP. You sound insecure about your own status as a mature, capable adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your post made me remember smth I read a while back. The now infamous Guantanamo bay military base in Cuba is on the land that was formally leased to the US government by the Cuban government in 1903.

Despite the revolution and hostilities, every year US sends a check to Fidel for the contractual amount. He puts it in his desk. Not once since 1960s has it been cashed.

Take what you want from this story. You can draw the line in the sand by never cashing. Or you can see it as a sign that your parents in some way feel it's their obligation to you, no matter what.

It may also be automated and they forgot about it. I have a citibank feature like that.

A comparison of a family situation with the US and Fidel Castro? Obligation instead of love? That's not the way I would interpret the parents' gifts.

Do you always interpret stuff in the most simplistic or literal way? The issue OP has is not the money per se but the gesture and what it symbolizes in her/his opinion. If it's bothersome to the point that it can't be just deposited or donated without a second thought, then some out of the box thinking could help. I was offering an example that does not involve a family relationship but makes you think about other aspects of it.

You could write down how you would interpret the parents' gifts to provide an alternative view, instead of snarking, you know.

We just deposit in the kids' college savings accounts.

I just turned 51 and my mother still sent me a check. And it's fine. My parents are still worth more than me and make more than I do even in their 80's. My parents were very wise in how they handled their retirement and they still have a positive cash flow monthly, so I just let them.

Heck, when I take my family to visit my parents, half the time or more, my dad still palms me about $100 cash before we leave "just in case." I now think of it as my gift to them to accept it graciously and let them baby their baby a little while longer. Although it was pretty funny when my mother pointed out at a family gathering earlier this year that the ones she loves the most now are the four grandkids, we three "kids" are grown up so we're now her second loves. My niece just looked up a said "Of course. I've known that for years."

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a nice gesture .. Not quite sure what the problem is.

Seriously. Be grateful and STFU. I'll always recognize my child's birthday with a gift. Always.

Children don't have the only right to have their birthdays celebrated.