Anonymous wrote:Agree that she should have the room. It also demonstrates respect for your youngest.

Tell your college aged child that during spring break he needs to pack up anything private in boxes. Ask him what color he wants his new room.

The rest will be done during the spring and that when he returns at the end of the semester he will be in your daughters room.

+1. Not OP but sounds like a good suggestion. I think that's what we would do too. Younger daughter already eyeing her brothers room but brother is unwillingly to give up.

Also Would you change their beds too? My daughters is a single while my sons is a queen. The beds are less than two years old and the queen can barely fit dd's old room but there is practically no place to walk. And my daughter doesn't want my elder sons bed because she thinks it's stinky and he's not clean enough for her! And she is even willing to bring over her own existing single bed. Aargh.

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8th grader & a 4th grader. the 4th grader's room just holds a bed and a dresser, the 8th grader's room is "normal" sized (for our 3 bedroom house). I have already said multiple times that when 8th grader leaves for college, there will be a room switch if 4th grader wants it.

This. We're still several years from college, but we started laying the groundwork early.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By not allowing the youngest to have the room, you are sending the message to her that birth order matters. It is more important for the oldest to keep a large vacant room than for the youngest to have the space she needs. That her voice does not matter.

As long as you are OK with the message you are sending to your daughter - it is fine.

Yup. And they will carry this attitude into other family dynamics.

I'm the youngest who was given the cruddiest room. My brother and sister were four and six years older and their rooms sat there empty throughout my childhood years. It was ridiculous and yes my older siblings are entitled and still treat me poorly.

Now my sisters oldest is moving away to college and her brother wants her room (twice the size) and her parents said no because my niece said she wouldn't come home for breaks if they have away her room.

If my DD ever threatened to not come home for breaks b/c we gave her bedroom to her brother that would be fine with me ....... she could also use her own money to pay for any travel she wanted to take - and possibly make the next tuition payment.

My niece's parents are both oldest children who are very entitled.

Anonymous wrote:I have an 8th grader & a 4th grader. the 4th grader's room just holds a bed and a dresser, the 8th grader's room is "normal" sized (for our 3 bedroom house). I have already said multiple times that when 8th grader leaves for college, there will be a room switch if 4th grader wants it.

We had a similar set up and similar age gap. I switched my oldest out of the bigger room when he started 9th grade. He was using his room only to sleep, read, listen to music, and change his clothes. DS2, meanwhile, was still playing on the floor with legos. It only made sense to give the younger kid a little more real estate.

When I was 18 I took it upon myself to clear out my room so my little sister could use it after I left. I took the smaller bedroom (and we had one guest room in addition). Even at that age I thought it would be ridiculous to keep a shrine to me when someone else could use it much more than I would.

Discuss it over spring break, but let him have the summer in his old room with the agreement that in August he and sib will switch rooms. The room he's moving into should be painted a color of his choosing to match his furniture. It's a good time for both movers to get rid of things they no longer need or want.

Too late now, but the sib with the smallest room should have something that makes up for it, like a loft bed or whatever they think is cool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how it's fair to keep the youngest in the smallest room when the other room isn't even occupied. In our house, the younger had the smaller room until the older kids were gone. It's only fair. Younger kids get a lot of hand-me-downs.

+1 My brother was the youngest and had a bedroom less than half the size of mine and my older sister's. When she left for college he got her room and when sis came home to visit she used the smaller room. Not a big deal and definitely the fairest way to handle it.

This is how it worked for us, too. I was the youngest and got my oldest sister's room when she left. I was ten so there was a long time when I wouldn't have to be in the smallest room anymore.

I have an 8th grader & a 4th grader. the 4th grader's room just holds a bed and a dresser, the 8th grader's room is "normal" sized (for our 3 bedroom house). I have already said multiple times that when 8th grader leaves for college, there will be a room switch if 4th grader wants it.

Anonymous wrote:Did this thread make anyone else think about the Brady Bunch and Greg's room in the attic, or am I just old?

It was groovy!


And then he missed his brothers and moved back with them? Am I remembering that right? Another unrealistic family scene, Brady Bunch!

Maybe because I've seen plenty of recent college grads living at home and certainly because the youngest didn't ask about it, but we didn't move the youngest into the oldest's room until after college graduation. And then it was with new furniture and redecorated.

Yep. Discuss the plan over spring break, make the move this summer.

Why is this even a discussion?

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she should be able to move as soon as he goes away. Redecorate both.

you said she's the baby in the family. Are there other kids? Was the youngest always sharing or stuck with the smallest?

middle child has a bigger room too. problem is the older kids see their room as theirs.

Do you hold the deed to the house or do they?

All the rooms are yours. Distribute as you see fit.

+1

You allowed them to have this point of view.
How do you want your children engaging with and treating each other in the future? Is the oldest always enabled and getting his way? At the cost of the youngest in some form?
This behavior and treatment of each other will not change unless you do something.

Go read a few threads of family relationships - ask yourself how do you want your children to treat each other in the future? Do you want your youngest to be the one saying that her oldest brother always got his way and still does?

THIS! You'll be saving future SILs and DILs all sorts of grief if you nip this in the bud now! Thank you in advance from future generations.

It made me think about how these 3 siblings are going to treat each other as adults and what type of relationship they will have with each other.

Did this thread make anyone else think about the Brady Bunch and Greg's room in the attic, or am I just old?