Anonymous
03/08/2016 15:36
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:It's a clusterf**k. Takes years off everybody's lives as the misery of divorce is spread around to everybody involved.
All you can do is try to be a better parent to your own kids.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 15:35
Subject: Re:If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
Having a daughter I would never let someone with children, especially males live in our house. Even visiting would be tough because you truly don't know that child since you didn't raise them. We've seen some truly irresponsible parents over the years, many never should have had kids.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 15:31
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
It's a clusterf**k. Takes years off everybody's lives as the misery of divorce is spread around to everybody involved.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 15:28
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am very surprised to see the vitriol toward remarried parents here.
I have an original family and have never been, nor do I think I will ever be, divorced. But I still think that post-divorce, if someone wants to get remarried there isn't really anything selfish about that, provided the new spouse is a good person. It almost seems to me like people are looking at the wrong variable here - of course divorce is sad and hard and children bear the brunt of it. But a child of divorce with a single parent or parents doesn't seem like they'd be happier than the child of divorce with a nice step-parent. The kids I knew growing up with divorced parents could be emotional messes with messy lives, but having a step-parent didn't make that worse automatically. I guess I don't get the hate toward parents who fall in love again?
Agreed. I think the best thing is not to divorce. The posters saying the issues are carried into the next relationships are spot on. But....if you do divorce, or your spouse walks out on you with his AP and divorces you as mine did, then you deserve to remarry and be happy. Your kids have the stain of divorce on their childhoods whether or not you remarry.
First your kids deserve to be happy. Their needs come first...certainly...before your next husband. It all depends on how your child feels, if he/she likes your new bf. Would he/she want him to move in or both of you move to his home with his kids?
Anonymous
03/08/2016 15:24
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:This is hard to answer. My DH is a wonderful man, and my DS genuinely loves him. However, the level of conflict between DS and his step brother is really difficult for all of us. They just do not get along and are very different people.
What is the age difference? Ours are 4 yrs apart and this seems just to be enough to cause conflict.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 15:23
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:I am very surprised to see the vitriol toward remarried parents here.
I have an original family and have never been, nor do I think I will ever be, divorced. But I still think that post-divorce, if someone wants to get remarried there isn't really anything selfish about that, provided the new spouse is a good person. It almost seems to me like people are looking at the wrong variable here - of course divorce is sad and hard and children bear the brunt of it. But a child of divorce with a single parent or parents doesn't seem like they'd be happier than the child of divorce with a nice step-parent. The kids I knew growing up with divorced parents could be emotional messes with messy lives, but having a step-parent didn't make that worse automatically. I guess I don't get the hate toward parents who fall in love again?
Agreed. I think the best thing is not to divorce. The posters saying the issues are carried into the next relationships are spot on. But....if you do divorce, or your spouse walks out on you with his AP and divorces you as mine did, then you deserve to remarry and be happy. Your kids have the stain of divorce on their childhoods whether or not you remarry.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 15:22
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
This is hard to answer. My DH is a wonderful man, and my DS genuinely loves him. However, the level of conflict between DS and his step brother is really difficult for all of us. They just do not get along and are very different people.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 15:03
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
I am very surprised to see the vitriol toward remarried parents here.
I have an original family and have never been, nor do I think I will ever be, divorced. But I still think that post-divorce, if someone wants to get remarried there isn't really anything selfish about that, provided the new spouse is a good person. It almost seems to me like people are looking at the wrong variable here - of course divorce is sad and hard and children bear the brunt of it. But a child of divorce with a single parent or parents doesn't seem like they'd be happier than the child of divorce with a nice step-parent. The kids I knew growing up with divorced parents could be emotional messes with messy lives, but having a step-parent didn't make that worse automatically. I guess I don't get the hate toward parents who fall in love again?
I have an original family and have never been, nor do I think I will ever be, divorced. But I still think that post-divorce, if someone wants to get remarried there isn't really anything selfish about that, provided the new spouse is a good person. It almost seems to me like people are looking at the wrong variable here - of course divorce is sad and hard and children bear the brunt of it. But a child of divorce with a single parent or parents doesn't seem like they'd be happier than the child of divorce with a nice step-parent. The kids I knew growing up with divorced parents could be emotional messes with messy lives, but having a step-parent didn't make that worse automatically. I guess I don't get the hate toward parents who fall in love again?
Anonymous
03/08/2016 14:55
Subject: Re:If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
Dh had one child when we met. No siblings and parents had been divorced 7 years. I now have 2 bio kids and one step kid. It's not always easy, mostly because DH and his ex dont get along well and have trouble co-parenting, but that would be the case with our without me and other children. The kids get along well but there is an age gap. the younger ones adore the older one, who now lives independently. When we were all living together/sharing custody, the scheduling was hard and the oldest was not getting as many needs met due to the demands of the younger ones. I have long advocated that DH sustain an independent relationship with his oldest child--trips together, etc--so that they maintain their bond/unit both as part of a larger family but also as independently. Ideally, I would have married someone who had not had a child, but that is not the way life worked out.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 14:43
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Agree that most remarriage is based in adult selfishness. Not putting the children first.
Obviously there are a few successful ones, but overall it is based on adult selfishness. If you're divorced your kids should always come first.
And this still never works because neither parent will ever agree on what is best for the child or what putting the child first means.
I would say the big one is never moving someone else's kids into your home with your bio child. Your child might like some new friends, but believe me they don't want them living in their home.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 14:37
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:A complete an utter cluster fuck, that is what remarriage did to my family. So selfish of my parents to divorce and remarry and create new families.
Blended families do not work out. The Brady Bunch scenario is a myth. My parents only created the same problems with new people. They should have just stayed together. It would have been cheaper and created less heartache for all.
I have a couple of friends who divorced and remarried and from the outside looking in, I bet their kids will say something similar to this one day.
Both friends have been re-married for about 3 years and both are facing the same exact issues from their first marriage. Then there is the burden of all the extra family relationships including their ex spouses having remarried and having kids. The kids on the surface seem ok but one of my friend constantly complains to anyone who will listen including her DD, that her DD is too whiny, too bratty and used to be more "mature" when she was younger (her DD is now 9). She never seems to correlate the change in her DD's behavior to the divorce/remarriage/new kids/new spouse/new houses routine. I do think parents really gloss over the situation and just really want everything to be ok. A few weeks ago we were driving her DD home after a playdate and I said that we had to hurry and get her home because it was getting late and she just randomly said I don't really have a home - I have mom's house and dad's house.
This is where the court's have failed big time. I've worked with a lot of children over the years and joint custody needs to stop. It's been a disaster for the kids and which is what counts. They need to live in one stable home CP, visitation to the other home.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 14:34
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
The moral of the story OP is no, don't do it.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 14:33
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Agree that most remarriage is based in adult selfishness. Not putting the children first.
Obviously there are a few successful ones, but overall it is based on adult selfishness. If you're divorced your kids should always come first.
And this still never works because neither parent will ever agree on what is best for the child or what putting the child first means.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 14:32
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
Anonymous wrote:Agree that most remarriage is based in adult selfishness. Not putting the children first.
Obviously there are a few successful ones, but overall it is based on adult selfishness. If you're divorced your kids should always come first.
Anonymous
03/08/2016 14:26
Subject: If you are in a second marriage/blended family, are you happy?
Agree that most remarriage is based in adult selfishness. Not putting the children first.