Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Nope, we don't have a separation agreement yet. Because I trusted him and his lawyer when they said they wanted to do this amicably and avoid court. Their endless stalling, their proposals with outrageous demands that no sane person could agree to, put the lie to this. A little late, but I now see them for the liars they are.

And to think I held off sending my proposal in December, because I didn't want to wreck his Christmas.

I have supported our son 100% for the last 6 months and maybe 75% for the 6 months before that, all out of my personal bank accounts. Also I'm paying about 2x what he's paying to our daughter's college.

So yes, I absolutely see this as him stealing from me. In the the sense that he knew I'd cave and feed and clothe our son, so he just sat back and waited for me to do 100% of it.

+1. I agree, it's stealing. My ex does this to me too. Anything not mandatory (orthodontia, educational fees, camps, after school sports, etc.) is refused. Ex knows I will pay it, and I will never tell kids that he didn't. He lives very comfortably now and will have a very comfortable retirement. He doesn't see this as stealing because he fundamentally doesn't see raising the kids as his equal responsibility, and he is not capable of putting another person's needs before his own.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Nope, we don't have a separation agreement yet. Because I trusted him and his lawyer when they said they wanted to do this amicably and avoid court. Their endless stalling, their proposals with outrageous demands that no sane person could agree to, put the lie to this. A little late, but I now see them for the liars they are.

And to think I held off sending my proposal in December, because I didn't want to wreck his Christmas.

I have supported our son 100% for the last 6 months and maybe 75% for the 6 months before that, all out of my personal bank accounts. Also I'm paying about 2x what he's paying to our daughter's college.

So yes, I absolutely see this as him stealing from me. In the the sense that he knew I'd cave and feed and clothe our son, so he just sat back and waited for me to do 100% of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Nope, we don't have a separation agreement yet. Because I trusted him and his lawyer when they said they wanted to do this amicably and avoid court. Their endless stalling, their proposals with outrageous demands that no sane person could agree to, put the lie to this. A little late, but I now see them for the liars they are.

And to think I held off sending my proposal in December, because I didn't want to wreck his Christmas.

I have supported our son 100% for the last 6 months and maybe 75% for the 6 months before that, all out of my personal bank accounts. Also I'm paying about 2x what he's paying to our daughter's college.

So yes, I absolutely see this as him stealing from me. In the the sense that he knew I'd cave and feed and clothe our son, so he just sat back and waited for me to do 100% of it.

This is the part you're not seeming to get. The court will aggregate all of the accounts (except to the extent you have separate property which I suspect will be very little given the length of the marriage) and divide them in some manner. So the money you paid out for your son is no longer part of those joint accounts so you will each get a smaller share. The same with the money each of you paid out for your daughter's college. Maybe you should consider a lawyer that costs a little more because the one you have doesn't seem to be doing a very good job.

The issue that each of you has to worry about at this point is whether the other is spending down/hiding the joint funds.

OP here. We don't have ANY joint bank accounts. The only joint item is the mortgage. I do have brokerage and money market accounts, but these are in my name only. I thought I made this clear above, but I've been using my own, personal not joint, money to fund my kid's food et cetera. That's the problem.

And don't bother telling me that I'm still an idiot because I should have skimped on the food, college application fees, and so on because I won't be listening....

Instead of asking for child support, can you tell him to pay for x, y and z. Tell him your son needs 6 pair of shorts, 10 teeshirts, 2 packs of underwear and socks and send him links to each that your son wants. Ask him for checks for the application fees, etc. Do not pose it so much as child support but ask for a specific need.

Excellent idea! I can see him agreeing to get DC school supplies and shorts. Even though, being the person he is, he's not going to want to fill a refrigerator for a teenage boy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Nope, we don't have a separation agreement yet. Because I trusted him and his lawyer when they said they wanted to do this amicably and avoid court. Their endless stalling, their proposals with outrageous demands that no sane person could agree to, put the lie to this. A little late, but I now see them for the liars they are.

And to think I held off sending my proposal in December, because I didn't want to wreck his Christmas.

I have supported our son 100% for the last 6 months and maybe 75% for the 6 months before that, all out of my personal bank accounts. Also I'm paying about 2x what he's paying to our daughter's college.

So yes, I absolutely see this as him stealing from me. In the the sense that he knew I'd cave and feed and clothe our son, so he just sat back and waited for me to do 100% of it.

He is not stealing from you. He isn't providing the financial support for your children that you'd like. While I agree parents should pay for college, in most places they are not legally obligated and the children are adults. So, he really should only be provided child support for the youngest till they turn 18 and/or graduate high school and share the college expenses in a reasonable way.

Anyway, stop negotiating, stop sending proposals and wasting money on your attorney. You cannot reason with the unreasonable. File and go to court and let a judge decide. He isn't going to change even if you are 100% right. If you don't want to file, then go to the child support office and get them to file. It is free through them.

Yup, thanks. I just fired off an email to my lawyer saying I want to just go file myself for child support. I'll start googling how.

FWIW, it's not a question of some level below "what I would like" and we aren't talking about college right now (although I'm trying to get that into the agreement). Fact is, he isn't providing ANY child support for his minor (under 18) kid. He's given me a total of $50 in six months. He knows I'll feed and clothe our minor kid, so he saves his money fir himself. That's stealing in my book, passive stealing, but stealing all the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Nope, we don't have a separation agreement yet. Because I trusted him and his lawyer when they said they wanted to do this amicably and avoid court. Their endless stalling, their proposals with outrageous demands that no sane person could agree to, put the lie to this. A little late, but I now see them for the liars they are.

And to think I held off sending my proposal in December, because I didn't want to wreck his Christmas.

I have supported our son 100% for the last 6 months and maybe 75% for the 6 months before that, all out of my personal bank accounts. Also I'm paying about 2x what he's paying to our daughter's college.

So yes, I absolutely see this as him stealing from me. In the the sense that he knew I'd cave and feed and clothe our son, so he just sat back and waited for me to do 100% of it.

This is the part you're not seeming to get. The court will aggregate all of the accounts (except to the extent you have separate property which I suspect will be very little given the length of the marriage) and divide them in some manner. So the money you paid out for your son is no longer part of those joint accounts so you will each get a smaller share. The same with the money each of you paid out for your daughter's college. Maybe you should consider a lawyer that costs a little more because the one you have doesn't seem to be doing a very good job.

The issue that each of you has to worry about at this point is whether the other is spending down/hiding the joint funds.

OP here. We don't have ANY joint bank accounts. The only joint item is the mortgage. I do have brokerage and money market accounts, but these are in my name only. I thought I made this clear above, but I've been using my own, personal not joint, money to fund my kid's food et cetera. That's the problem.

And don't bother telling me that I'm still an idiot because I should have skimped on the food, college application fees, and so on because I won't be listening....

Instead of asking for child support, can you tell him to pay for x, y and z. Tell him your son needs 6 pair of shorts, 10 teeshirts, 2 packs of underwear and socks and send him links to each that your son wants. Ask him for checks for the application fees, etc. Do not pose it so much as child support but ask for a specific need.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Nope, we don't have a separation agreement yet. Because I trusted him and his lawyer when they said they wanted to do this amicably and avoid court. Their endless stalling, their proposals with outrageous demands that no sane person could agree to, put the lie to this. A little late, but I now see them for the liars they are.

And to think I held off sending my proposal in December, because I didn't want to wreck his Christmas.

I have supported our son 100% for the last 6 months and maybe 75% for the 6 months before that, all out of my personal bank accounts. Also I'm paying about 2x what he's paying to our daughter's college.

So yes, I absolutely see this as him stealing from me. In the the sense that he knew I'd cave and feed and clothe our son, so he just sat back and waited for me to do 100% of it.

He is not stealing from you. He isn't providing the financial support for your children that you'd like. While I agree parents should pay for college, in most places they are not legally obligated and the children are adults. So, he really should only be provided child support for the youngest till they turn 18 and/or graduate high school and share the college expenses in a reasonable way.

Anyway, stop negotiating, stop sending proposals and wasting money on your attorney. You cannot reason with the unreasonable. File and go to court and let a judge decide. He isn't going to change even if you are 100% right. If you don't want to file, then go to the child support office and get them to file. It is free through them.