I personally cared for my parent for about 6 months before he died. From experience, I can tell you that if your mom requires 7 hours of care per day now, it is only going to increase (unless she is recovering from surgery and will become stronger). Your sister is doing a loving thing, but she shouldn't be working 7 days per week at your mother's (burn out). You need a backup plan for 2 days per week plus if/when your sister gets sick. Basically, if your sister breaks a leg, this whole plan is over.

Anonymous wrote:What I would do in this specific situation: Tell you you are going to start sending money, and then do it, until and unless she strongly, for a prolonged time, objects. Don't ask. Send an amount equal to one-half what you were paying for the home health aid.

I would be highly offended if someone did this. I am not an employee, I am not looking for income, I do it because it is family and I want someone to do the same for me.

I would insist on continuing to contribute the same amount you had been paying and remind your sister that costs may still crop up down the road or there may be times she would like to hire respite care if she needs to take care of her own family needs. Perhaps you can set up some type of auto deposit to a bank account so that she doesn't feel funny cashing your checks or being held accountable for each and every withdrawal. I would also keep channels of communication open and offer suggestions like sending laundry out or bringing housekeeping in so that she knows you are OK with using money for those expenses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe send sis and her family on a vacation and you go out there for a week this summer?

A week? I have taken care of an elderly relative and It is an unbelievable difficult job. One week in summer? My, how generous! How about one week every quarter and two weeks for a real vacation, than time of her choice.

OP may not have that much vacation time herself--and she has kids.

What I would do in this specific situation: Tell you you are going to start sending money, and then do it, until and unless she strongly, for a prolonged time, objects. Don't ask. Send an amount equal to one-half what you were paying for the home health aid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it isn't something your sister will accept now, you can always forego or adjust inheritance when the time comes.

Not diminishing the things PPs have said, but your sister is taking a significant hit to her future earning potential as well as to her retirement with this move.

I think contributing to 529s for her kids would be welcome. YOu don't need her permission - just set up those accounts with them as the beneficiary.

Could you also contribute to an IRA for her ?

I (individual) RA. Requires earned income.

The husband can use some of their income to contribute, but an unrelated third party can't. And giving a check doesn't mean it goes into one.

OP, this is a situation rude with thevpissibikity of HUGE resentment bybyiur sister. Discuss, in depth on a frequent basis, with her how she feels, when needs change, etc.