Unless it involves criminal behavior (or suspicion of insanity) I would go to the teacher first. It may be awkward, but you need to give the teacher a chance. I guess, though, that I am having a difficult time understanding how someone who is afraid of the teacher's reaction would think you would get a better reaction by first going to the principal.

I guess I learned early in life to always use the chain of command when dealing with these issues.

Anonymous wrote:
Then why not go to the Principal? Obviously change is not happening.


The question is actually, why go directly to the principal without talking to the teacher first? There's nothing obvious about change not happening. If you want change to happen, first you have to actually ask the person. "I didn't bother with talking to the teacher because I know that they weren't going to do anything anyway" is probably not the best way to persuade a principal to do what you want.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in MS and HS and have had to do this twice-- but same teacher in 4th grade. The first time because I tried to work with the teacher on an issue for some period of time, and she was just not responsive. The second time was because DC brought home a book from her classroom library (property of Tacher X written on it). When I was flipping through it, I discovered that it contained graphic descriptions of group sex scenes. Honestly, I thought that was so beyond the pale that the administration should know.

ha ha very funny trollary.

PP on this and absolutely not a troll. It was a book about of Indian Folklore, which is probably how it ended up in the classroom library. She must have had it donated or got it at something like a library sale and not vetted it. But when I started reading it, there were descriptions of Indian mythological women having sex with two Gods that were so graphic it made me uncomfortable. And yes, I was livid and thought exposing 4th graders to this was something that warranted going over the teacher's head. Plus, DC had already read the book, so that made for an interesting conversation with my 10 year old.

Really? How utterly uptight you are, you belong in the bible belt. Firstly your 10 year old should know about sex. Secondly these are not photographs they are illustrations and that's part of Indian culture.

This is not a college class or an adult book club. Would you really talk to your 10 year old about orgasms lighting a woman's hair on fire while she is being penetrated in two orifices by two men? Do you include theeesomes in your discussion of sex with an ES aged kid? Do you really feel like your 10 year old has the emotional maturity to understand this? Would you tell a 4th grader this is okay, and expect them to understand cultural relativism? If so, them yes, we have very different parenting styles, and I will cop to being an uptight prude in comparison.

No, but you failed to leave out these details previously.

NP here, you're totally out of line. The first PP mentioned graphic descriptions of group sex, what more do you need to decide that this is inappropriate for a 10 year old? Moron.

go fuck yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in MS and HS and have had to do this twice-- but same teacher in 4th grade. The first time because I tried to work with the teacher on an issue for some period of time, and she was just not responsive. The second time was because DC brought home a book from her classroom library (property of Tacher X written on it). When I was flipping through it, I discovered that it contained graphic descriptions of group sex scenes. Honestly, I thought that was so beyond the pale that the administration should know.

ha ha very funny trollary.

PP on this and absolutely not a troll. It was a book about of Indian Folklore, which is probably how it ended up in the classroom library. She must have had it donated or got it at something like a library sale and not vetted it. But when I started reading it, there were descriptions of Indian mythological women having sex with two Gods that were so graphic it made me uncomfortable. And yes, I was livid and thought exposing 4th graders to this was something that warranted going over the teacher's head. Plus, DC had already read the book, so that made for an interesting conversation with my 10 year old.

Really? How utterly uptight you are, you belong in the bible belt. Firstly your 10 year old should know about sex. Secondly these are not photographs they are illustrations and that's part of Indian culture.

This is not a college class or an adult book club. Would you really talk to your 10 year old about orgasms lighting a woman's hair on fire while she is being penetrated in two orifices by two men? Do you include theeesomes in your discussion of sex with an ES aged kid? Do you really feel like your 10 year old has the emotional maturity to understand this? Would you tell a 4th grader this is okay, and expect them to understand cultural relativism? If so, them yes, we have very different parenting styles, and I will cop to being an uptight prude in comparison.

No, but you failed to leave out these details previously.

NP here, you're totally out of line. The first PP mentioned graphic descriptions of group sex, what more do you need to decide that this is inappropriate for a 10 year old? Moron.

Well said. What more DO you need? Wait. "Moron," are you a young mom, young kids, no college degree? Oh. That's what I thought.

Go on to the principal when the teacher is incompetent. Yes, try to work it out first but it's my experience that the teacher will say what you want to hear and do nothing differently. Then you just move right on up the chain. A good principal already knows about staff issues. A bad principal? Well, just move.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kids in MS and HS and have had to do this twice-- but same teacher in 4th grade. The first time because I tried to work with the teacher on an issue for some period of time, and she was just not responsive. The second time was because DC brought home a book from her classroom library (property of Tacher X written on it). When I was flipping through it, I discovered that it contained graphic descriptions of group sex scenes. Honestly, I thought that was so beyond the pale that the administration should know.

ha ha very funny trollary.

PP on this and absolutely not a troll. It was a book about of Indian Folklore, which is probably how it ended up in the classroom library. She must have had it donated or got it at something like a library sale and not vetted it. But when I started reading it, there were descriptions of Indian mythological women having sex with two Gods that were so graphic it made me uncomfortable. And yes, I was livid and thought exposing 4th graders to this was something that warranted going over the teacher's head. Plus, DC had already read the book, so that made for an interesting conversation with my 10 year old.

Really? How utterly uptight you are, you belong in the bible belt. Firstly your 10 year old should know about sex. Secondly these are not photographs they are illustrations and that's part of Indian culture.

This is not a college class or an adult book club. Would you really talk to your 10 year old about orgasms lighting a woman's hair on fire while she is being penetrated in two orifices by two men? Do you include theeesomes in your discussion of sex with an ES aged kid? Do you really feel like your 10 year old has the emotional maturity to understand this? Would you tell a 4th grader this is okay, and expect them to understand cultural relativism? If so, them yes, we have very different parenting styles, and I will cop to being an uptight prude in comparison.

No, but you failed to leave out these details previously.

NP here, you're totally out of line. The first PP mentioned graphic descriptions of group sex, what more do you need to decide that this is inappropriate for a 10 year old? Moron.

Anonymous wrote:Then why not go to the Principal? Obviously change is not happening.

The question is actually, why go directly to the principal without talking to the teacher first? There's nothing obvious about change not happening. If you want change to happen, first you have to actually ask the person. "I didn't bother with talking to the teacher because I know that they weren't going to do anything anyway" is probably not the best way to persuade a principal to do what you want.

Anonymous wrote:Then why not go to the Principal? Obviously change is not happening.

The issue isn't about taking a complaint to the principal. The issue is about taking a complaint to the principal before addressing the issue with the teacher and giving her a chance to remedy the situation (if it needs a remedy). In most cases, a discussion should be had with the teacher first to try to work toward a resolution. If you're unhappy with the outcome, by all means go to the principal next.

Then why not go to the Principal? Obviously change is not happening.

Anonymous wrote:A teacher should never be afraid of the Principal having information.

Who has said anything about teachers being afraid?

Last year (sixth grade) DD had a math/science teacher who was a bitch. My kid is no delicate flower, but this teacher was verbally aggressive in a way that was making DD unable to stand up for herself. She kept assigning homework to be done on the computer at home and I kept telling her DD does not have a computer at home to use, and I can't get DD to the library every day after school because the only day they were open after my work was over was one day a week.

At parent teacher conferences when I explained something about DD, she asked why DD hadn't told her directly. I said, "She TRIED. You are very intimidating." The teacher looked like I'd slapped her across the face. Shocked and hurt. She was better for a couple of weeks, and then went right back to giving DD a hard time about not completing computer work. Claimed DD should use the computer at school during her lunch period. When DD asked if she could eat her lunch while doing that she was told no. When I asked when DD was expected to eat lunch if she was doing math on her lunch period each day, the teacher couldn't answer me. So when she gave DD yet ANOTHER zero I went to the AP. The teacher acted like she couldn't understand why I hadn't talked to her even though I had.

Stonewalling is how school personnel handle problems.

Unless it was an extreme situation, my kids' elementary school principal would ask if you'd already spoken with the teacher as soon as you start to complain about him or her.

We had a situation once where I already had a meeting with the principal scheduled, and I brought up an issue I had with dd's teacher then, before I discussed it with the teacher. The teacher was horrible, and 8 families wound up pulling their kids out of that school in the spring because of her. Anyway, I told the principal I hadn't discussed the situation with the teacher yet, but I wanted to give her a head's up in case the situation wasn't resolved. I explained the problem, told her my desired resolution, and asked for any input she had to help me resolve the situation. She agreed that my expectations were reasonable and said she was supportive. The teacher hit the roof and basically said she was washing her hands of my DD after our conference, so I was happy to have already spoken with the principal.

A teacher should never be afraid of the Principal having information.

Anonymous wrote:Op, the Principal is your boss. He\She can make change happen. Since the teacher is a professional, I assume the teacher is already acting as they feel is best. If I disagree, it makes sense to go right to the Principal.

That doesn't necessarily make sense. The teacher is acting as they feel is best given the information that they have. If they had additional information, they might do something else.

Op, the Principal is your boss. He\She can make change happen. Since the teacher is a professional, I assume the teacher is already acting as they feel is best. If I disagree, it makes sense to go right to the Principal.