Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 23:41     Subject: Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
How old are you OP? Answer this,
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 23:39     Subject: Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would mention it to my sister. But OP, your sister probably knows already.



+1 If you two are as close as you say you are, your sister might feel relieved to finally be able to discuss it with you.


+2 If it was my husband and my in-laws, I'd want to know.

Because?


Because if someone told my spouse sensitive information about my family, I'd want to know exactly what it was and who said it. if the information is false, I'd want to be able to refute it. If it was correct, I would want to give my version of the events, how I dealt with it and any pertinent background. I found out as an adult that my mother was abused by her mother and stepfather. As a result, she left home at an early age and had a large family that was precious to her. She was the most dependable and hardworking person we knew. We didn't love her any less because she had been abused and it explained certain strong feelings she had, as well as insecurities. We respected her more for having overcome early adversity and we loved my grandmother regardless. My husband and I are partners for life and there is nothing we wouldn't do to support one another.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 23:17     Subject: Re:Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
Anonymous wrote:OP, this is not your news to share. Even if it is true, it is your BIL's life experience, and wholly up to him to decide whom to share it with and how. He was a victim, not a perpetrator, and you have not provided any reason whatsoever to conclude that he has or would do anything wrong. And you haven't said anything indicating your sister or BIL has bad judgment. So, if he has chosen not to tell her about horrible life experiences, or if she as his wife has chosen not to violate his trust by telling you, follow their lead. This is absolutely none of your business. In any event, I'd never choose to tell someone like you a private matter as it seems you wear as a badge of honor that you don't respect privacy, but rather feel it is your duty to decide what is best for everyone else based on what you think is best for you.

Further, you will likely be putting your sister in a bad position. Either she would need to bring this topic into her marriage, which it seems her husband (the VICTIM) has chosen not to, or she could choose not to tell him what she has heard, and go through life knowing there is something she's not sharing with her husband. Given that you think it would be so awful for you not to share everything with your sister, just imagine how she would feel knowing something that, out of love for her husband, she could not tell him she has learned?
+1000
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 23:07     Subject: Re:Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
OP, this is not your news to share. Even if it is true, it is your BIL's life experience, and wholly up to him to decide whom to share it with and how. He was a victim, not a perpetrator, and you have not provided any reason whatsoever to conclude that he has or would do anything wrong. And you haven't said anything indicating your sister or BIL has bad judgment. So, if he has chosen not to tell her about horrible life experiences, or if she as his wife has chosen not to violate his trust by telling you, follow their lead. This is absolutely none of your business. In any event, I'd never choose to tell someone like you a private matter as it seems you wear as a badge of honor that you don't respect privacy, but rather feel it is your duty to decide what is best for everyone else based on what you think is best for you.

Further, you will likely be putting your sister in a bad position. Either she would need to bring this topic into her marriage, which it seems her husband (the VICTIM) has chosen not to, or she could choose not to tell him what she has heard, and go through life knowing there is something she's not sharing with her husband. Given that you think it would be so awful for you not to share everything with your sister, just imagine how she would feel knowing something that, out of love for her husband, she could not tell him she has learned?
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 22:49     Subject: Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I sort of know my husband was not given the best environment as a kid, and every now and then he lets slip a glimpse of exactly how bad it was. It is the one thing I know that he struggles with and I don't ask him about it, even though I know there is more to the story than he has ever said. I am trying to imagine if someone came up to me with something similar to what OP has been told. No, ,I don't think I need to know it and I think for me (and definitely my husband) it would be sort of humiliating to think that people are gossiping about it.

Exactly. But selfish op doesn't give a shit. She adores the opportunity to engage in gossip by some unknown individual.
+1
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 22:45     Subject: Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I sort of know my husband was not given the best environment as a kid, and every now and then he lets slip a glimpse of exactly how bad it was. It is the one thing I know that he struggles with and I don't ask him about it, even though I know there is more to the story than he has ever said. I am trying to imagine if someone came up to me with something similar to what OP has been told. No, ,I don't think I need to know it and I think for me (and definitely my husband) it would be sort of humiliating to think that people are gossiping about it.

Exactly. But selfish op doesn't give a shit. She adores the opportunity to engage in gossip by some unknown individual.
+1
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 22:34     Subject: Re:Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP especially if they have kids. I would want to know if my inlaws were abusers so I would not trust them with my kids. You are all protecting the abusers.

I guarantee you, if there's a shred of truth to op's story, BIL isn't leaving his children near his parents for a single second. Don't be such a dumbass.


Would you be fine NOT KNOWING that your ILs were abusers? When your husband and sister knew but didn't tell you?

I don't think so. Don't trust anyone's judgement above your own.


Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 22:30     Subject: Re:Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP especially if they have kids. I would want to know if my inlaws were abusers so I would not trust them with my kids. You are all protecting the abusers.

I guarantee you, if there's a shred of truth to op's story, BIL isn't leaving his children near his parents for a single second. Don't be such a dumbass.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 22:26     Subject: Re:Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
I agree with OP especially if they have kids. I would want to know if my inlaws were abusers so I would not trust them with my kids. You are all protecting the abusers.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 22:22     Subject: Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
Anonymous wrote:OP here, as I said, I will tell her.
Sister is not the type to go running up to him and blasting it out. She might slowing approach it, or bring up other things about the FIL first.
She's not dumb.
Anyway, different strokes, I am happy that I have a sister that I can talk to.

What exactly do you hope to accomplish, ms yenta? Your bil might not care to ever see you again, and you'll force your sister to choose between you and her husband. You probably hate him already, so you're making up your whole sorry-ass story. Sibling rivalry. Grow up. How old are you anyway? Someone already asked you that.

Oh, I need to tell a few very close friends, I heard you were raped a while back, but didn't report it to the police. Certain people have a right to know.

Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 22:19     Subject: Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
I hope the whole thing is a lie and OP comes off looking like a gossipy fool. Hopefully someone is out there telling tales about her too so she can feel how nice it is to be talked about behind your back.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 22:06     Subject: Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
Anonymous wrote:I sort of know my husband was not given the best environment as a kid, and every now and then he lets slip a glimpse of exactly how bad it was. It is the one thing I know that he struggles with and I don't ask him about it, even though I know there is more to the story than he has ever said. I am trying to imagine if someone came up to me with something similar to what OP has been told. No, ,I don't think I need to know it and I think for me (and definitely my husband) it would be sort of humiliating to think that people are gossiping about it.

Exactly. But selfish op doesn't give a shit. She adores the opportunity to engage in gossip by some unknown individual.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 22:00     Subject: Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
Anonymous wrote:I sort of know my husband was not given the best environment as a kid, and every now and then he lets slip a glimpse of exactly how bad it was. It is the one thing I know that he struggles with and I don't ask him about it, even though I know there is more to the story than he has ever said. I am trying to imagine if someone came up to me with something similar to what OP has been told. No, ,I don't think I need to know it and I think for me (and definitely my husband) it would be sort of humiliating to think that people are gossiping about it.


+1 Exactly
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 21:59     Subject: Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
I sort of know my husband was not given the best environment as a kid, and every now and then he lets slip a glimpse of exactly how bad it was. It is the one thing I know that he struggles with and I don't ask him about it, even though I know there is more to the story than he has ever said. I am trying to imagine if someone came up to me with something similar to what OP has been told. No, ,I don't think I need to know it and I think for me (and definitely my husband) it would be sort of humiliating to think that people are gossiping about it.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2016 21:58     Subject: Found out that BIL was badly abused as a child and I don't think that my sister knows it
Anonymous wrote:OP here, as I said, I will tell her.
Sister is not the type to go running up to him and blasting it out. She might slowing approach it, or bring up other things about the FIL first.
She's not dumb.
Anyway, different strokes, I am happy that I have a sister that I can talk to.


I would do the same. Please keep in mind, OP, that this woman may not have told you the truth; she may be mistaken; or most likely may be exaggerating, as people do.
I was spanked, hit and yelled at as a child, and wouldn't care less if someone saw or told anyone. My experiences did not traumatize me. However, perhaps your BIL was traumatized, and in that case, your sister needs to approach the subject with extreme caution (if she doesn't already know).