My husband started a new job recently and I pushed him to let them know before he took the job that he would need to leave by 5 at least 3 days/week to pick up the kids. We trade off whole days doing pickup/dropoff b/c of car reasons. They said sure and it has worked fine. I realize not everyone necessarily has the bargaining power to get an arrangement like this, but until large numbers of men AND women start asserting that they SHOULD be able to both work and see their children for more than 30 minutes an evening, our culture's ridiculous default face-time expectations will not change.

The idea that you "can't have it all," meaning you can't both spend time with your kids and work, is not some kind of unchanging law of the universe.

You made a choice.
You chose your career. You chose a job that is not going to work with your current daycare situation. Now you have to work your child and your childcare around your job. Not complicated.

You'll probably find that people work all sorts of different hours at your new company. Most jobs I've had, have "core hours" where they expect you to be at work (maybe 9-4 or so) and other than that you are free to come in earlier and leave earlier. My wife does drop off in the morning and I do pickup, so I tend to get in at 7:30 and leave around 4:30 or 5:00. If need be, I can do some more work at home that night.

If there is a late meeting or after work thing like happy hour once in a while, as long as I have advance notice, we can usually work something out where my wife can do pickup also.

That said, it would make your life easier if you do the following:

1) Find a daycare that was convenient for both you and your husband to do pickup and/or drop off.

2) Find a daycare that has later hours. 6 is a common pickup time, many places are open until 6:30 or 7:00 even. You don't have to pickup that late every day, but it is nice just in case you have a late meeting or something comes up.

3) Arrange for some backup plans with friends and family in the area to handle pickup in an emergency situation. We have friends that live right near our daycare, that are authorized to do pickup "just in case"

5 does not seem unreasonable to me. If they hired you and you are at a non-entry level position (i.e., harder to replace) than they value you and leaving at 5 shouldn't be that big of a deal, especially if you have a way to check in later as most of the world does in the age of mobile phones and the fact that almost every white collar professional has a computer and an internet connection at home.

Honestly, if they have a problem with it that would be a huge red flag for me. I worked at a face time place for years and it got so bad I just started having to bend the rules. They wanted me, after I had worked there for years to start leaving at 6 - with my commute I needed to leave at 5:30 to respect our nanny's hours - and my husband covered morning before the nanny came in so not fair to ask him. I said, "I'm sorry, but I have to continue to leave at 5:30. As always I will check in on my phone on the metro and be available later if anything comes up." Of course we aren't saving lives here people, nothing hardly ever came up but when it did I was available.

You know what? Nothing happened. They dealt with it, and when 10 months later I got a new job at a much more flexible place, they offered me a raise and significant promotion to stay -and a more flexible schedule! I left, and a year later, they came back and offered me 40% over what I left the year before again with the flex schedule since they knew that was the main reason I left. I didn't come back! But taught me a lesson: companies will try to get away with whatever they can and I think if it's reasonable to push back, you should. I'm not saying become an asshole, but I don't think needing to leave at 5 is excessive.

Anonymous wrote:I also leave work at 5PM to do pickup. But this is by my choice as our daycare closes at 6:30PM and it's a 15 minute commute. I will often "log on" at night to complete tasks, if necessary.

My boss knows that if I have to stay past 5PM (for a networking happy hour or a late meeting), I request a few day's notice to make alternative arrangements for my kids.

Overall, I get my work done and I am responsive! Does it really matter whether you are unavailable from 5-6PM?

this is my experience as well. as long as you are getting your work done, you should be able to have flexibility to pick up your kid at a reasonable hour.

i don't understand why some work places have to be so rigid, especially in an age where technology is so pervasive. these "rules" will be forced to change by the hand of the next generation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the idea that you can 'have it all' is a myth. Pick your priorities. (signed WOH mom.)

Bingo. These two parents *have* picked their priority, and it ain't the child. Poor thing.

Your priority clearly "ain't" your grammar. Now go make Daddy's martini.

Single mother. Sorry to burst your little bubble.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would present it as a problem and a solution:

I need to leave at 5 every day for daycare pickup, so I will be back online again after 8 and will not need any formal lunch for the next 2 months until we get into a new daycare where the pick up can be later.

Or something of the sort that acknowledges
1. This is temporary
2. You know it's an issue
3. You have found solutions

Of course, if once you get the job and realize it's not an issue and is perfectly fine, then carry on with the boundary you have set.
The above applies if it's not the culture and meetings go late, everyone else stays, erc

Smartest answer. You propose something you can live with, acknowledge it may cause issues, and sacrifice something to show you're serious.

As for me, I'm a single parent, I have to leave at 5:20, I do, and I got mommy tracked. But I get my work done and never miss a deadline. I also have someone to pick my child up in case I need to stay late for a legitimate, unavoidable reason, i.e., court runs long.

I don't like the answer above. It's unnecessarily groveling. Everyone needs to eat during the workday, and even if you eat at your desk, your productivity goes down during that period. It's ok to take a break, and I guarantee that anyone who thinks they are never taking a break is full of it. 5 is a little early, but it's not like in 2 months she will want to regularly stay till 7 or 8 even if she has childcare. The answer above seems to set up an expectation that she'll be constantly available at home and start staying hours late every night as soon as she can.

I think you should be upfront about the situation, and come with some proposed solutions (different childcare when the contract ends, IDing 1 or 2 days per week where DC is picked up by DH or a babysitter so you can be available, coming in earlier/skipping lunch/logging on in the evening - whatever you're comfortable with). But don't accept the narrative that you're not a go getter because you can't work between 5 and 8 pm and don't set the precedent that you are always going to put work first and kid second or that is what will be expected of you.

Also, talk to the daycare administrator - maybe there is a teacher there who is looking for some additional work and can take your DC "after hours" for a little while. Or maybe there's a waiting list and they don't really care about the contract.

Congrats on the new job!

Anonymous wrote:I would present it as a problem and a solution:

I need to leave at 5 every day for daycare pickup, so I will be back online again after 8 and will not need any formal lunch for the next 2 months until we get into a new daycare where the pick up can be later.

Or something of the sort that acknowledges
1. This is temporary
2. You know it's an issue
3. You have found solutions

Of course, if once you get the job and realize it's not an issue and is perfectly fine, then carry on with the boundary you have set.
The above applies if it's not the culture and meetings go late, everyone else stays, erc

Smartest answer. You propose something you can live with, acknowledge it may cause issues, and sacrifice something to show you're serious.

As for me, I'm a single parent, I have to leave at 5:20, I do, and I got mommy tracked. But I get my work done and never miss a deadline. I also have someone to pick my child up in case I need to stay late for a legitimate, unavoidable reason, i.e., court runs long.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the idea that you can 'have it all' is a myth. Pick your priorities. (signed WOH mom.)

Bingo. These two parents *have* picked their priority, and it ain't the child. Poor thing.

Your priority clearly "ain't" your grammar. Now go make Daddy's martini.

I think if enough of us parents just do it, career culture will change. Perform your best while you are there, then leave at 5!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the idea that you can 'have it all' is a myth. Pick your priorities. (signed WOH mom.)

Bingo. These two parents *have* picked their priority, and it ain't the child. Poor thing.

I cant stand people like you. Some people have to work to provide. We have had to make many sacrifices for our child because she is our priority. We are doing the best that we can. I've turned down offers for better positions because it would mean less time with my child. Don't make assumptions about other people!

Agreed PP. I am a single parent (I posted some helpful thoughts earlier) and if I don't work we don't eat, have a place to live, etc. What the hell should I be doing?

OP, I think a big thing is to build expectations. I run a large department that is deadline heavy (think marketing) and it's always easier to know what you are working with as a manager than to be surprised or slowly realize what is happening under your nose. So be open about your working hours and hold a firm line on when you need to leave. Focus on doing stellar work every minute you're in the office. And you may have to make yourself available later in the evenings. But people swing it. You just have to learn how to structure things. Hell, I moved so I could be closer to my office so now the kids' future elementary school is 15 minutes away from my desk. You also just have to make do like every other working parent in this country.

It can be great to have a spouse home. I know, I used to have one. But it's awful to tell people their children aren't a priority. Just awful.

Are you SURE your DH can't do a drop-off or pickup? If that's truly the case, then you need a childcare situation with a lot more flexibility. Maybe you can get out of the contract.

If your daycare is 2miles from your home why do you need to "bolt" 30 minutes before they close to get there?

Find a different daycare provider that closes after 5:30. Most around here I believe close at either 6 or 6:30. Also, if you have a husband (didnt read the thread), have him pick up a few times a week. Don't be one of those people that have to bolt out of there by 5 on your first month. It won't look good.