Anonymous
02/16/2016 18:31
Subject: Re:Marrying a man with no means...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op, I am not sure you mentioned how much he is sending them.
he should ask them if they can help him buy a house.
That might help send a message. When they say no, he can say, well I really need to consider priorities here. It seems link time to start saving for my family's future. What do you think?
OP here. I agree. I don't know how much he helps his family and I do not think it is monthly or as much as other posters are suggesting. I know he has bought food and wine for them and paid some of their bills when they were in trouble. It seems to have stabilized now.
That's ok then, those are his parents. He is probably worried about them and you should admire that. Honestly I think he sounds great, be happy and simply learn to manage your money.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 18:28
Subject: Re:Marrying a man with no means...
Anonymous wrote:Op, I am not sure you mentioned how much he is sending them.
he should ask them if they can help him buy a house.
That might help send a message. When they say no, he can say, well I really need to consider priorities here. It seems link time to start saving for my family's future. What do you think?
OP here. I agree. I don't know how much he helps his family and I do not think it is monthly or as much as other posters are suggesting. I know he has bought food and wine for them and paid some of their bills when they were in trouble. It seems to have stabilized now.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 18:02
Subject: Re:Marrying a man with no means...
Op, I am not sure you mentioned how much he is sending them.
he should ask them if they can help him buy a house.
That might help send a message. When they say no, he can say, well I really need to consider priorities here. It seems link time to start saving for my family's future. What do you think?
he should ask them if they can help him buy a house.
That might help send a message. When they say no, he can say, well I really need to consider priorities here. It seems link time to start saving for my family's future. What do you think?
Anonymous
02/16/2016 17:54
Subject: Re:Marrying a man with no means...
Anonymous wrote:I thought supporting his parents was a sign he was kind, generous, and family oriented. My husband has been sending his grandmother money as long as I've known him because she lives on a small SS check only. I can't believe you're begrudging him this and people are complaining that his housewife mother isn't out hustling for a job. She probably hasn't had a job in almost 30 years -- it's not as easy as you might think to start an entry level job at 60.
Sending and helping is one thing. Having toxic parents that refuse to better themselves and rely on children to survive is another issue.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 17:52
Subject: Marrying a man with no means...
Don't do it op. Sounds like my DH before we married. He was supporting his mom and still is now. Which means I am.
When you marry - you're going to be supporting her or having her eat away at all that you try to do.
Lots of red flags here.
When you marry - you're going to be supporting her or having her eat away at all that you try to do.
Lots of red flags here.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 17:49
Subject: Marrying a man with no means...
You do you but I wouldn't tie myself to someone who barely had two nickels to rub together and one of those was being used to support folks who didn't want to work.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 16:36
Subject: Marrying a man with no means...
Yeah, I agree, it's the inlaws you are running from. You can't overcome that!
Anonymous
02/16/2016 16:36
Subject: Marrying a man with no means...
He indeed sounds like a good guy, but giving all your money away means that you cannot save for your future - buying a house, retirement, children, college savings, and all the rest.
If he gives all his money away while expecting his spouse to take care of all these things with her salary, resentment will build fast. If she is in a high paying career and wants that life, fine. But if she doesn't, she needs to find a guy who is on the same page.
If he gives all his money away while expecting his spouse to take care of all these things with her salary, resentment will build fast. If she is in a high paying career and wants that life, fine. But if she doesn't, she needs to find a guy who is on the same page.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 16:30
Subject: Marrying a man with no means...
It's not a financial problem - it is a future IL issue you will always have if you marry this man. He seems to have no boundaries with his family. They have no boundaries with him.
If he can't create those boundaries, you need to stop this relationship.
If he can't create those boundaries, you need to stop this relationship.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 16:30
Subject: Re:Marrying a man with no means...
I thought supporting his parents was a sign he was kind, generous, and family oriented. My husband has been sending his grandmother money as long as I've known him because she lives on a small SS check only. I can't believe you're begrudging him this and people are complaining that his housewife mother isn't out hustling for a job. She probably hasn't had a job in almost 30 years -- it's not as easy as you might think to start an entry level job at 60.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 16:25
Subject: Re:Marrying a man with no means...
Anonymous wrote:I'm a little put off by all these comments. I absolutely believe that couples should talk and be on the same page about finances before they marry, but I find it wrong that people are saying you should not marry the man you love and are so compatible with because he isn't making enough money. Imagine saying that to his face and you'll see how cold it sounds. You can and should influence how much he is giving away to family, but you shouldn't drop him because of income. I'd rather be poor and in love than rich, jaded, and snarky. Outside the DC area millions of happy people live on your combined income.
The comments aren't about the money. They're about the relationship with his parents. If he was making 300k, it wouldn't be so bad to be supporting parents and a sister.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 16:25
Subject: Re:Marrying a man with no means...
I'm a little put off by all these comments. I absolutely believe that couples should talk and be on the same page about finances before they marry, but I find it wrong that people are saying you should not marry the man you love and are so compatible with because he isn't making enough money. Imagine saying that to his face and you'll see how cold it sounds. You can and should influence how much he is giving away to family, but you shouldn't drop him because of income. I'd rather be poor and in love than rich, jaded, and snarky. Outside the DC area millions of happy people live on your combined income.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 16:21
Subject: Marrying a man with no means...
This is a serious problem. You need to get to a therapist or financial advisor ASAP.
He's not ready for marriage since he doesn't have good boundaries with his family. He doesn't need to cut them off completely, but they need to make a plan to reduce reliance on his income. If they are able-bodied, they should be able to increase their income.
You should not proceed without a plan - you will grow resentful of his family and things will decline from there.
He's not ready for marriage since he doesn't have good boundaries with his family. He doesn't need to cut them off completely, but they need to make a plan to reduce reliance on his income. If they are able-bodied, they should be able to increase their income.
You should not proceed without a plan - you will grow resentful of his family and things will decline from there.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 16:20
Subject: Marrying a man with no means...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Where did he attend school? Do you see him earning substantially more money?
Love doesn't pay bills. If you are pretty and young, you can afford to be picky. Now is the time to find a good provider.
This is OP. He went to Vanderbilt for undergrad and Georgetown for his M.A in IR.
He has good degrees. He needs to learn how to hustle and make more money. 75k isn't enough at 28 when you have good degrees, lots of debt and lots of moochers in your life.
When you're older and wiser you start learning It's how you manage your money. I know a couple with master's degrees, late 40's and I don't think they'll ever have anything. They spend too much, live above their means. Their mortgage is way too high. Never learned about paying their home off, basic math apparently.
Anonymous
02/16/2016 16:19
Subject: Marrying a man with no means...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Where did he attend school? Do you see him earning substantially more money?
Love doesn't pay bills. If you are pretty and young, you can afford to be picky. Now is the time to find a good provider.
This is OP. He went to Vanderbilt for undergrad and Georgetown for his M.A in IR.
He has good degrees. He needs to learn how to hustle and make more money. 75k isn't enough at 28 when you have good degrees, lots of debt and lots of moochers in your life.
OP here. He majored in history during undergrad and studied middle eastern affairs at GT.
I don't know how much better he can do considering his peers are making 45K in think tanks. He could've gone into management consulting, as a lot of GT grads do but he instead chose to work in risk mitigation.