I don't recall we did anything special. We had recently moved cross country with three young children and everything was a blur. I'm sure a nice dinner and great sex was part of it as it is most birthdays which is fine by me. I think 30, 50 and 65 are real milestones, 40 is meh.

Nothing. I spoke up and said what I wanted.

Look into the roots of your attention seeking behavior. Why are you placing high expectations on this?

To answer your question: My husband bought me a thoughtful but not elaborate gift, took me out to dinner and was extra attentive in bed that night. I was very pleased

I would totally just plan what you want to do! I will admit I did very little for my DH's 40th. We had a newborn at home and a toddler. I made him a cake and that was it. Sorry buddy! I told him he could do it up at 50. I still have a couple years until 40, so maybe we can "make it up" then and do something fun together. Honestly money is tight, so maybe not. And that's ok. We had a blast celebrating each of us turning 30, because that was pre-kids.

We turn 40 3 months apart and decided to plan a family trip to Hawaii that year to celebrate.

DH also doesn't do well planning anything lol.

My husband is not good at surprises or organizing events.
So I planned my own 40th birthday parties (our house is small, I celebrated 3 times so I could invite everybody over).

Then we went on a special vacation (cruise), that's all i wanted

Anonymous wrote:Dh is not a big bday guy or a planner...in fact he's forgotten it was my bday more than once. But for 40, he invited 8 friends to join us for s sunset cruise on a friends boat . He took care of good and drink. It was amazing. Not fancy or huge or expensive, but thoughtful.

I'm sorry OP. I.would imagine the lack of enthusiasm on your DHs part is a real disappointment. That's the issue here, not that he's not good at planning or a mind reader or whatever. And it makes you feel small for wanting to do this special thing with him.

I say book a solo or girls trip and just go. Do you have kids? Is there a care issue if you both travel or you go?

JFC - this thread is 2+ years old. OP is now 42 and you're giving advice on what exactly? what she should have done 2 years ago or what she might want to do for her 43rd birthday?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of your post should have been, " My husband can't read my mind".

What did you do for his 40th?

I planned a surprise party that included his best buddy from college and his brother from across the country, I had a caterer, a bartender, a signature drink (his favorite), and I hired a murder mystery company.

I don't expect him to be a mind reader - on two occasions, I told him, "I want to go with you to x for my 40th birthday"

Is this real?? You actually planned that for his 40th birthday?

Plan your girls weekend away and enjoy.

Well it would have to be for her 42nd birthday at this point.

DH decided wanted he wanted to do for his fortieth, which was a cruise with just our immediate family. We had the best time! He is not a party person, surprise or otherwise, so that didn't even come up. Not sure what I'll do for mine yet!

I happened to be in a city for work where I used to live for my actual 40th. I typed up an online invitation (like evite), typed in my friends' email addresses in that city and handed my computer to DH. He typed in something like, "Help my wife celebrate her 40th on me" and called in his credit card to a local bar for a private room. We had a blast and all my friends thought he was the best for "organizing" that. We make a good team - I stated what I wanted, he didn't have to do much but did just enough that I was super happy about how it all worked out. I'm a big believer that if something is important - just make it happen and make it easy for your spouse. Win-win.

Anonymous wrote:I just celebrated mine. Didn't expect any fancy party or trip since we're planning a nice vacation this summer.
H bought me flowers, cupcakes , and a nice necklace.

Same. I had some friends over for dinner and my DW abd I cooked together and that was it.

For my DW’s 40th, we had a nice dinner at home - we had a 3 month old.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 50. I didn't treat my 40th or 50th birthday any different than the other birthdays. I know other people do but it's just not that big a deal to me and I don't buy into shit that other people do. If you feel you've lost yourself or want to reconnect with something, then do it but don't make it a litmus test for your DH.

I'm 52 now. My birthday is right before Christmas, and 12 years ago, my kids were that Santa-believing age where Christmas is a big deal and I was very busy. I told DH we'd celebrate it in February so we could do it right. February came and went and then the next 12 years came and went, no party.

But I actually don't care; if I wanted a party, I would have had one. Speaking in generalities, OP, MEN don't have the type of brain to remember anniversaries or dates; it's a woman-thing, and the trap is to expect your man to remember and do a woman-thing. (again...speaking in generalities).

I will tell you that when I turned 50, I wanted to go to my hometown. It's a resort town but I wanted to go for once as a tourist, not as a local. So we stayed in a nice hotel and swam and slept etc. It was wonderful. I planned it myself. I think my DH is awesome and we've now been married 20 years. This PP above has it right. Don't turn some action or non-action into something symbolic....most men are not as symbolic as women. Meaning: DH didn't plan DW a party IS NOT SYMBOLIC of DH's lack of love for DW. Conversely, planning a party IS NOT SYMBOLIC of DH's love for DW--it might be a DH plans a party just because he doesn't want to incur a DW's wrath if he doesn't.

Sorry, honey. I still can't read your mind. The pressure of your expectations for me planning your special day sucks the joy out of your birthday. Whatever I do, it will be wrong.

Plan your girls weekend away and enjoy.

Be *gone*