I agree w you OP. I also have an extremely useless brother who depends on our parents in every way. I am someone who works hard, earns my own money and raises my own kids. I wont get into his situation but you can just imagine. It drives me insane that he has had zero regard for their interests or mine his whole life. Some people are selfish assholes, and sometimes theyre family. Sorry your inlaws are douches.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't figure out the problem. OP isn't mad that the child is coming, isn't upset by the grandparents bringing the child, sees an upside since her own child will be there, and knows that the other parents will be giving birth and are unable to go... What's the problem here? It sounds like an awesome inter-generational, happy family visit to a country that means something to the family and is affordable because they have accommodations for their stay.

Seriously, where is the problem? I don't see it.

+1.

We actually have a number of friends who send their infants/toddlers to live with grandparents abroad for 6-12 months because culturally, it is seen as natural and preferable for grandparents to be primary caregivers to their grandchildren when possible. My own in-laws wish I would be willing to do this! My kids ADORE their grandparents and the feeling is mutual.

Why assume this is burdensome for the grandparents? If it is, they should certainly speak up, but OP, I don't think we can make judgments about people involved in this situation.

is that a typo?

Op...regardless of how the other posters have skewered you, I hear you and agree. It is ridiculous and I would be pissed. I also wouldn't be up for taking another two year old on my vacation since I handle the bulk of childcare. The rest of you self-righteous nut cases can shut it.

Anonymous wrote:
I can't figure out the problem. OP isn't mad that the child is coming, isn't upset by the grandparents bringing the child, sees an upside since her own child will be there, and knows that the other parents will be giving birth and are unable to go... What's the problem here? It sounds like an awesome inter-generational, happy family visit to a country that means something to the family and is affordable because they have accommodations for their stay.

Seriously, where is the problem? I don't see it.

OP probably resents the responsibility of the other child. Which I get, but not admitting it is annoying.

Or she just wants to win the "better daughter/inlaw" prize, and the inlaws aren't playing the game.

Anonymous wrote:
I can't figure out the problem. OP isn't mad that the child is coming, isn't upset by the grandparents bringing the child, sees an upside since her own child will be there, and knows that the other parents will be giving birth and are unable to go... What's the problem here? It sounds like an awesome inter-generational, happy family visit to a country that means something to the family and is affordable because they have accommodations for their stay.

Seriously, where is the problem? I don't see it.

+1.

We actually have a number of friends who send their infants/toddlers to live with grandparents abroad for 6-12 months because culturally, it is seen as natural and preferable for grandparents to be primary caregivers to their grandchildren when possible. My own in-laws wish I would be willing to do this! My kids ADORE their grandparents and the feeling is mutual.

Why assume this is burdensome for the grandparents? If it is, they should certainly speak up, but OP, I don't think we can make judgments about people involved in this situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like there are a lot of selfish posters who cannot see how outrageous it is to foist a 2 year old on grandparents full time for their "vacation".

OP, you are completely correct and people on here are crazy.

Everyone on this thread is reacting to the way OP presented the "problem," starting with the fact that the grandparents help their son and his wife with childcare for perfectly ordinary things -- a sick kid on a workday, a date night, an out of town trip. And it was presented as evidence that said son and wife are unable to care for their own kid. So by the time everyone read on to the actual issue, they were already against OP because she started out of the gate sounding like an envious, judgmental twat.

The reason I provided that information is so people understand the nature of the care provided (backup/evening/weekend) vs day to day care. I didn't intend to offend you or anyone else with that information.

New poster: The very title of this thread is "Husband's sibling can't handle his own child." Do you honestly not see how incredibly mean-spirited and provocative that was? I came on here thinking that CPS was being called on your BIL/SIL, that this was a child who was not parented. Not that family were helping at the time of a birth. You really have decided to take a monstrously distorted view of what happens in many families -- other family members babysit an older child in late pregnancy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like there are a lot of selfish posters who cannot see how outrageous it is to foist a 2 year old on grandparents full time for their "vacation".

OP, you are completely correct and people on here are crazy.

Everyone on this thread is reacting to the way OP presented the "problem," starting with the fact that the grandparents help their son and his wife with childcare for perfectly ordinary things -- a sick kid on a workday, a date night, an out of town trip. And it was presented as evidence that said son and wife are unable to care for their own kid. So by the time everyone read on to the actual issue, they were already against OP because she started out of the gate sounding like an envious, judgmental twat.

The reason I provided that information is so people understand the nature of the care provided (backup/evening/weekend) vs day to day care. I didn't intend to offend you or anyone else with that information.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I commented earlier and just re-read the post and I think this must be a troll. It is perfectly ordinary for someone's parents to help out babysitting when a child is sick, or the person is out of town, or for the occasional date night. I really can't believe someone would bitch about that.

...when did I complain about any of that? I just provided it for background.

If you honestly don't think that the way you provided that information wasn't "complaining," you should take a look in the mirror and think about why it actually does bother you so much. Re-read your post.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like there are a lot of selfish posters who cannot see how outrageous it is to foist a 2 year old on grandparents full time for their "vacation".

OP, you are completely correct and people on here are crazy.

Everyone on this thread is reacting to the way OP presented the "problem," starting with the fact that the grandparents help their son and his wife with childcare for perfectly ordinary things -- a sick kid on a workday, a date night, an out of town trip. And it was presented as evidence that said son and wife are unable to care for their own kid. So by the time everyone read on to the actual issue, they were already against OP because she started out of the gate sounding like an envious, judgmental twat.

I did it just fine, so no, it's not a given that having a second child is a difficult or insurmountable task with a toddler. (Mine were 22 months apart, I had a Csection, husband went back to work after 1 week, no family except my mom came one weekend after a few weeks and my sister came for a weekend the second month)

So I am reading this like the grandparents taking a child to a remote destination complete with airfare and foreign travel and all those details for a week is a big overreaction and makes this a really big task for grandparents. No matter
how young and healthy they are, that a lot of work to take a toddler away from his bed, routine, parents, etc

For all the threads on here screaming about how natural birth is, not a medical procedure and it's fine to run back to work in a few weeks, now this thread has it needed and justified for 2 parents to be unable to manage a toddler and a baby.

This is plain crazy.

It sounds to me like there are a lot of selfish posters who cannot see how outrageous it is to foist a 2 year old on grandparents full time for their "vacation".

OP, you are completely correct and people on here are crazy.

Sounds like OP is disappointed that the IL's focus won't be on her child, DH and her even though they planned the trip. I understand her feelings but her ILs would not be able to enjoy their trip if they were worried about their son's family.

I can't figure out the problem. OP isn't mad that the child is coming, isn't upset by the grandparents bringing the child, sees an upside since her own child will be there, and knows that the other parents will be giving birth and are unable to go... What's the problem here? It sounds like an awesome inter-generational, happy family visit to a country that means something to the family and is affordable because they have accommodations for their stay.

Seriously, where is the problem? I don't see it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised you are doing a trip if a lifetime with a 1-2 year old. That's the toughest time. Why not wait a little so you can actually go out and do things and enjoy it? I would cancel with this new news for sure.

We enjoy doing things with our toddler.

And perhaps your IL's enjoy doing things with their grandchildren.

It's hard to imagine that a vacation with you and your toddler is the trip of a lifetime for mature adults. Also hard to imagine that they aren't capable of determining that a trip with two toddlers is no different than a trip with one.