I think you did not kiss her because you were simply not attracted to her very much.

She got her nose bent out of joint that you dissed her by not kissing her and a hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Just date some more women until you find one you are attracted enough to so that it's not a huge struggle to decide to kiss her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure you are ready to move on? I can definitely understand why the woman would have doubts. Dealing with another person's emotional baggage is not easy. I married a widower myself, but he was not ambivalent about finding a new partner. He never dodged kisses. Your surprise at your reaction makes me wonder if you have issues to work through still. Have you seen a counselor after DW died?

No never went to counseling, My mom and sister suggested it, but I didn't. Don't think I could do the spilling my guts and crying to a stranger it would be weird.

Anyway, I called her. She text me back saying she wasn't interested in playing games and it would be best if we didn't ta;k anymore. So that's it.

She sounds like a typical bitch so your instincts not to go for the kiss were correct.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Grief counselors are a special breed. They really can help dig out the ugly feelings and help release them, however buried or entwined they might be.

I saw someone only a few times after a devastating loss. It. Helped.

I wouldn't be where I am in life without it. I recall the first couple of visits frequently, even years later. Please seek out someone who specializes in grief. It can help heal what you're struggling to just leave behind.

I'm going to second the grief counseling. Grief is a process, op. The only way past it is through it, a wise counselor once told me. The fact you're not comfortable sharing the fact you're a widower and struggling with dating suggests to me you still have some work to do.

Another widower here. Since the guy purportedly wrote that he is not grieving at this time and that he has no desire to talk to a counselor (and that the woman in question doesn't want to play games), why are you silly folks harping on that? The fact that he is struggling with dating means, _possibly_, that someone who was married did _not_ practice cruising for chicks all those years and isn't actually comfortable trying to impress women. Another factor _might_ be that older women are a tough crowd, so to speak, not easy to impress. I write in "possibly" and "might" because those are my guesses based on my experience. I do talk to a therapist by the way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure you are ready to move on? I can definitely understand why the woman would have doubts. Dealing with another person's emotional baggage is not easy. I married a widower myself, but he was not ambivalent about finding a new partner. He never dodged kisses. Your surprise at your reaction makes me wonder if you have issues to work through still. Have you seen a counselor after DW died?

No never went to counseling, My mom and sister suggested it, but I didn't. Don't think I could do the spilling my guts and crying to a stranger it would be weird.

Anyway, I called her. She text me back saying she wasn't interested in playing games and it would be best if we didn't ta;k anymore. So that's it.

Playing games? You dodged a bullet here. Even if she didn't think dating you was best for her she could have found a more empathetic way to say that.

+1

Plus one million. She didn't deserve the kiss.

I disagree. She certainly should have worded it better, but she was right to flag this as a high risk relationship. If she is OP's age she is probably looking for a commited relationship with potential to start family. Sounds like OP may need quite a bit of time to get to that place.

Call her

Anonymous wrote:
Grief counselors are a special breed. They really can help dig out the ugly feelings and help release them, however buried or entwined they might be.

I saw someone only a few times after a devastating loss. It. Helped.

I wouldn't be where I am in life without it. I recall the first couple of visits frequently, even years later. Please seek out someone who specializes in grief. It can help heal what you're struggling to just leave behind.

I'm going to second the grief counseling. Grief is a process, op. The only way past it is through it, a wise counselor once told me. The fact you're not comfortable sharing the fact you're a widower and struggling with dating suggests to me you still have some work to do.