Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that women like this would think differently if they were with more talented partners.

So it is my husband's fault? Can I tell him that?

Anonymous wrote:
As an aside, I loathe the phrase "make love." It makes me think of Woody Allen - his films are rife with characters (over)using the phrase - and that's never a good thing.

Makes the phrase twice as bad now that you brought up Woody Allen!

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that women like this would think differently if they were with more talented partners.

Anonymous wrote:
As an aside, I loathe the phrase "make love." It makes me think of Woody Allen - his films are rife with characters (over)using the phrase - and that's never a good thing.

Anonymous wrote:My theory is that women like this would think differently if they were with more talented partners.

Anonymous wrote:OH, PPs, here's the point.

Sex can shake you to your core. Not being able to share that with someone because of sexual abuse is one thing, and you keep delineating yourselves from that. Not being able to share with with someone else because of you, is the exact same thing.

You act like "making love" is something laughable, but mostly, because I suspect you've ever done it. It's not harlequin novels. It's soul bearing and scary, even without a history of abuse, or guarded emotions, which I suspect a lot of posters have.

I'm the original poster about a us in ad, and I'm going to tell you something. I thought I was cool with sex. I mean, I got abused, but I was totally in co tell of my sexuality. I always got pleasure. My partners gave me pleasure. I fucked around and always "got off". Mastrubation gave me pleasure. But, "making love" didn't. It was weird and uncomfortable and like WTF, he wasn't taking control. I thought it was pathetic. How was I supposed to get off like that? Who strokes my arms and looks into my eyes, and treats me like a human and not a pleasure thing?

And that was the problem. Sex was power, and control, and a bunch of other things. You women talking about "alphas" and "betas", I get what turns you on... But here's the key.. You are turned on the the POWER of sex, and haven't even considered that there are other reasons.

Sex, by all means, doesn't need to be three hours of staring to each other's eyes at every instance. But you know what? It's not unhealthy if it does. The fact that you find laughable (and at one point, I did too), belies your own discomfort.

I love to be f*d like a pornstar. But now, it takes a different side, because there are also the moments of exploration that used to leave me terrified at my own vulnerability.

You think you're cooler that you'll f without abandon, but it's Actually sad that you'll do so with a trusted partner. You're not more powerful for your avoidance, you're actually more scared.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. I have had more emotional sex with my husband on various occasions. It's not all slow with candles or anything, but there isn't dirty talk and instead we really look at each other during and say I love you. It's different than the typical sex for physical pleasure /fun alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OH, PPs, here's the point.

Sex can shake you to your core. Not being able to share that with someone because of sexual abuse is one thing, and you keep delineating yourselves from that. Not being able to share with with someone else because of you, is the exact same thing.

You act like "making love" is something laughable, but mostly, because I suspect you've ever done it. It's not harlequin novels. It's soul bearing and scary, even without a history of abuse, or guarded emotions, which I suspect a lot of posters have.

I'm the original poster about a us in ad, and I'm going to tell you something. I thought I was cool with sex. I mean, I got abused, but I was totally in co tell of my sexuality. I always got pleasure. My partners gave me pleasure. I fucked around and always "got off". Mastrubation gave me pleasure. But, "making love" didn't. It was weird and uncomfortable and like WTF, he wasn't taking control. I thought it was pathetic. How was I supposed to get off like that? Who strokes my arms and looks into my eyes, and treats me like a human and not a pleasure thing?

And that was the problem. Sex was power, and control, and a bunch of other things. You women talking about "alphas" and "betas", I get what turns you on... But here's the key.. You are turned on the the POWER of sex, and haven't even considered that there are other reasons.

Sex, by all means, doesn't need to be three hours of staring to each other's eyes at every instance. But you know what? It's not unhealthy if it does. The fact that you find laughable (and at one point, I did too), belies your own discomfort.

I love to be f*d like a pornstar. But now, it takes a different side, because there are also the moments of exploration that used to leave me terrified at my own vulnerability.

You think you're cooler that you'll f without abandon, but it's Actually sad that you'll do so with a trusted partner. You're not more powerful for your avoidance, you're actually more scared.

Hey, you love lovemaking, and deep, vulnerable sex. Great! Yeah you!

Why do you feel the need to name call those who like sex otherwise? You call people sad and scared if they don't feel the same emotions as you. It doesn't make you liberated, it makes you pompous.

Anonymous wrote:OH, PPs, here's the point.

Sex can shake you to your core. Not being able to share that with someone because of sexual abuse is one thing, and you keep delineating yourselves from that. Not being able to share with with someone else because of you, is the exact same thing.

You act like "making love" is something laughable, but mostly, because I suspect you've ever done it. It's not harlequin novels. It's soul bearing and scary, even without a history of abuse, or guarded emotions, which I suspect a lot of posters have.

I'm the original poster about a us in ad, and I'm going to tell you something. I thought I was cool with sex. I mean, I got abused, but I was totally in co tell of my sexuality. I always got pleasure. My partners gave me pleasure. I fucked around and always "got off". Mastrubation gave me pleasure. But, "making love" didn't. It was weird and uncomfortable and like WTF, he wasn't taking control. I thought it was pathetic. How was I supposed to get off like that? Who strokes my arms and looks into my eyes, and treats me like a human and not a pleasure thing?

And that was the problem. Sex was power, and control, and a bunch of other things. You women talking about "alphas" and "betas", I get what turns you on... But here's the key.. You are turned on the the POWER of sex, and haven't even considered that there are other reasons.

Sex, by all means, doesn't need to be three hours of staring to each other's eyes at every instance. But you know what? It's not unhealthy if it does. The fact that you find laughable (and at one point, I did too), belies your own discomfort.

I love to be f*d like a pornstar. But now, it takes a different side, because there are also the moments of exploration that used to leave me terrified at my own vulnerability.

You think you're cooler that you'll f without abandon, but it's Actually sad that you'll do so with a trusted partner. You're not more powerful for your avoidance, you're actually more scared.

Anonymous wrote:OH, PPs, here's the point.

Sex can shake you to your core. Not being able to share that with someone because of sexual abuse is one thing, and you keep delineating yourselves from that. Not being able to share with with someone else because of you, is the exact same thing.

You act like "making love" is something laughable, but mostly, because I suspect you've ever done it. It's not harlequin novels. It's soul bearing and scary, even without a history of abuse, or guarded emotions, which I suspect a lot of posters have.

I'm the original poster about a us in ad, and I'm going to tell you something. I thought I was cool with sex. I mean, I got abused, but I was totally in co tell of my sexuality. I always got pleasure. My partners gave me pleasure. I fucked around and always "got off". Mastrubation gave me pleasure. But, "making love" didn't. It was weird and uncomfortable and like WTF, he wasn't taking control. I thought it was pathetic. How was I supposed to get off like that? Who strokes my arms and looks into my eyes, and treats me like a human and not a pleasure thing?

And that was the problem. Sex was power, and control, and a bunch of other things. You women talking about "alphas" and "betas", I get what turns you on... But here's the key.. You are turned on the the POWER of sex, and haven't even considered that there are other reasons.

Sex, by all means, doesn't need to be three hours of staring to each other's eyes at every instance. But you know what? It's not unhealthy if it does. The fact that you find laughable (and at one point, I did too), belies your own discomfort.

I love to be f*d like a pornstar. But now, it takes a different side, because there are also the moments of exploration that used to leave me terrified at my own vulnerability.

You think you're cooler that you'll f without abandon, but it's Actually sad that you'll do so with a trusted partner. You're not more powerful for your avoidance, you're actually more scared.

Anonymous wrote:I have a lot of feelings about this thread. I had to deal with sexual abuse issues when I was younger and I did not think they impacted me but, now that I am married, I think they have. And the issue is emotional connection/vulnerability during sex. I have gone through long periods of zero sex in my marriage. However, I have also gone though (very brief) porn star type sex periods and also more emotional "making love" type experiences. The latter are very rare and are hard for me. I have a difficult time relaxing during sex and letting my DH do things to me, and asking for what I want is very difficult, and to express emotion while being naked and having sex is the hardest thing of all. OP, could you look your DH in the eye while having sex? That is about the most intimate thing, I think.

Anonymous wrote:I love my husband more than anything in the world but I don't think we've ever "made love" nor do I have any desire to do so. I never did in other relationships either. We have great sex but I just want him to bang me porn star style and have no desire for some deeply emotional slow experience you see in romance movies. We've been married for 6 years. Do other women feel this way? After some great sex last night It occurred to me that this might not be the norm.