Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 08:41     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
You just need a job. It doesn't have to be high paying, just steady and something you can live with. It would be healthy for you.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 08:36     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guys this is a troll post, don't you think??


Yes, this has been the theme of several threads in recent weeks. I think there was a nearly identical one yesterday or the day before (the big girl pants thread).


I was also wondering if this was the same poster of "dh told me to put my big girl pants on" poster too.


If so, we already heard from you.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 08:22     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
If your one kid is out of the house in college why on earth WOULDN'T you be working? You're just going to sit around the house all day doing... what? Your husband is right. If SAHM was your contribution, and the kid is gone, you need to make a new contribution to the household. He might like to retire one day, you know.

My oldest is in K and I will be back to work in the next 2 years when my youngest can go. Nobody needs a SAHM who has nothing to do for 7-8 hours a day.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 08:21     Subject: Re:Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:OP, can you take up tutoring? I am paying tutor between $25-80/ hour here.


This is a good idea. I had my kid take private art lessons with a teacher after school for $50 an hour. You aren't a teacher and apparently no degree, but I think you could market your strong points. There are a lot of parents in the area who want Mopsy and Flynn to have art lessons from a good teacher.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 08:09     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Wow, either this whole thread is made-up or OP is suffering from the cooped-up and frustrated idiots in this area.

OP, I'm sorry that your husband is being so cruel. First contact a lawyer. Put money regularly into your own account.

It can never hurt to find a better paying job. I know it's hard!


Nothing cruel about it. The gravy train is over.


Oh so taking care of everything at home - from cooking and cleaning, shopping for groceries, driving their daughter around, not to mention all of the kin-keeping tasks like buying gifts, sending birthday cards, calling his parents on their anniversary, then liaising with teachers and administrators for their daughter, keeping track of what's running low in the house, paying the bills and taxes and balancing the check books... that's a gravy train? Really? No. If this were a real post she'd be entitled to alimony because all the work she did behind the scenes allowed him to excel at his office.


DH here. I do all these things as well. It's part of being married with a family. It's not rocket science. And who balances checkbooks these days?

Lady, you are stuck in a time warp. Not only do men now do all that you describe, women now work and are independent, not wanting to be at the mercy of their husbands financial support.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 08:05     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:What a bunch of haters. You guys are bitter a$$holes. You loathe (but secretly envy) every woman who isn't grinding it 60 hours a week like you. Man.

Good luck, OP - I agree it sounds like it's time for you to take on a FT position. Women's Center is a good start, as is a frank talk with your husband about your future together and what he's willing to invest in retraining for you.


Envy this woman? Ha! I don't want to be her which is exactly why I work my 40hrs a week. And self respect too.

Women like the OP end up sad statistics.

Dream on.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 07:51     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Why are so many sure this is a troll? There are some really clueless people here in DCUM world that truly think like OP. Sad but true.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 07:38     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He's an ass. Remind him you het half the assets and will go for alimony and child support and find a man who really loves you. Slowly start stashing money in your name.

+1. If he's so callous and ready to move out, wouldn't you both be happier if he did? You won't have to work if you can live on the cheap with his alimony (although he will cry poverty to minimize the alimony.)


Would they really award alimony these days?

Yes, particularly if the wife hasn't really worked in the past 10 yrs.


If so, it would likely be rehabilitative alimony for maybe 2 years while the wife gets trained for employment.
But then the alimony stops.
Permanent alimony is exceedingly rare in the current century.


Tell that to my uncle paying $60k to the woman who put him thru grad school until he retires.


Doesn't mean it's not rare. Because it is. Your uncle was either a real drain on his ex while married, or he had a shitty lawyer.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 07:38     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Wow, either this whole thread is made-up or OP is suffering from the cooped-up and frustrated idiots in this area.

OP, I'm sorry that your husband is being so cruel. First contact a lawyer. Put money regularly into your own account.

It can never hurt to find a better paying job. I know it's hard!


Nothing cruel about it. The gravy train is over.


Oh so taking care of everything at home - from cooking and cleaning, shopping for groceries, driving their daughter around, not to mention all of the kin-keeping tasks like buying gifts, sending birthday cards, calling his parents on their anniversary, then liaising with teachers and administrators for their daughter, keeping track of what's running low in the house, paying the bills and taxes and balancing the check books... that's a gravy train? Really? No. If this were a real post she'd be entitled to alimony because all the work she did behind the scenes allowed him to excel at his office.


I'd agree with that if the kid is under 5 years old. But not a high school senior. The balance of work and responsibility here is really off-kilter. Most working moms do all that plus their 40 hour work week.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 07:35     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He's an ass. Remind him you het half the assets and will go for alimony and child support and find a man who really loves you. Slowly start stashing money in your name.

+1. If he's so callous and ready to move out, wouldn't you both be happier if he did? You won't have to work if you can live on the cheap with his alimony (although he will cry poverty to minimize the alimony.)


Would they really award alimony these days?

Yes, particularly if the wife hasn't really worked in the past 10 yrs.


If so, it would likely be rehabilitative alimony for maybe 2 years while the wife gets trained for employment.
But then the alimony stops.
Permanent alimony is exceedingly rare in the current century.


Tell that to my uncle paying $60k to the woman who put him thru grad school until he retires.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 07:19     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Wow, either this whole thread is made-up or OP is suffering from the cooped-up and frustrated idiots in this area.

OP, I'm sorry that your husband is being so cruel. First contact a lawyer. Put money regularly into your own account.

It can never hurt to find a better paying job. I know it's hard!


Nothing cruel about it. The gravy train is over.


Oh so taking care of everything at home - from cooking and cleaning, shopping for groceries, driving their daughter around, not to mention all of the kin-keeping tasks like buying gifts, sending birthday cards, calling his parents on their anniversary, then liaising with teachers and administrators for their daughter, keeping track of what's running low in the house, paying the bills and taxes and balancing the check books... that's a gravy train? Really? No. If this were a real post she'd be entitled to alimony because all the work she did behind the scenes allowed him to excel at his office.


Looking after one high school kid is not a job.
Yes, it is a gravy train because you are over-estimating the importance and/or required time commitment for these mundane tasks to justify your lack of real work. If you REALLY think that "buying gifts and sending birthday cards" takes much thought/time, you might have some kind of learning disability that is the true reason you would struggle to do this while holding down a full-time job. How hard is it to point and click on a website to have a gift delivered to your door? How hard is it to buy a pack of cards and then fill out one as needed? Do you REALLY think that "calling his parents on their anniversary" and "liaising" with teachers is not something that you can easily do in a few moments during a lunch break from a real job? Why are you still using "check books"? Don't you use online banking? Paying bills is NOT time consuming unless you suffer from ADHD: do you? Why can't you share cooking/cleaning tasks with another primary breadwinner?

If you want to sah and can afford it, great. But don't pretend that being a sahm is anywhere near as demanding as a full time job: you only make yourself look foolish.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 07:14     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Wow, either this whole thread is made-up or OP is suffering from the cooped-up and frustrated idiots in this area.

OP, I'm sorry that your husband is being so cruel. First contact a lawyer. Put money regularly into your own account.

It can never hurt to find a better paying job. I know it's hard!


Nothing cruel about it. The gravy train is over.


Oh so taking care of everything at home - from cooking and cleaning, shopping for groceries, driving their daughter around, not to mention all of the kin-keeping tasks like buying gifts, sending birthday cards, calling his parents on their anniversary, then liaising with teachers and administrators for their daughter, keeping track of what's running low in the house, paying the bills and taxes and balancing the check books... that's a gravy train? Really? No. If this were a real post she'd be entitled to alimony because all the work she did behind the scenes allowed him to excel at his office.


Yes, it is a gravy train because you are over-estimating the importance and/or required time commitment for these mundane tasks to justify your lack of real work. If you REALLY think that "buying gifts and sending birthday cards" takes much thought/time, you might have some kind of learning disability that is the true reason you would struggle to do this while holding down a full-time job. How hard is it to point and click on a website to have a gift delivered to your door? How hard is it to buy a pack of cards and then fill out one as needed? Do you REALLY think that "calling his parents on their anniversary" and "liaising" with teachers is not something that you can easily do in a few moments during a lunch break from a real job? Why are you still using "check books"? Don't you use online banking? Paying bills is NOT time consuming unless you suffer from ADHD: do you? Why can't you share cooking/cleaning tasks with another primary breadwinner?

If you want to sah and can afford it, great. But don't pretend that being a sahm is anywhere near as demanding as a full time job: you only make yourself look foolish.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 07:09     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He's an ass. Remind him you het half the assets and will go for alimony and child support and find a man who really loves you. Slowly start stashing money in your name.

+1. If he's so callous and ready to move out, wouldn't you both be happier if he did? You won't have to work if you can live on the cheap with his alimony (although he will cry poverty to minimize the alimony.)


Would they really award alimony these days?

Yes, particularly if the wife hasn't really worked in the past 10 yrs.


If so, it would likely be rehabilitative alimony for maybe 2 years while the wife gets trained for employment.
But then the alimony stops.
Permanent alimony is exceedingly rare in the current century.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 06:58     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A base admin assistant job is $30k/year.

I think OP must be working extremely part time, it's not difficult for someone even minimally educate (some college and work experience) to earn way more than that



But the reality is that she is in her '50s and was out of work for many years. There are very few jobs out there for SAHMs re-entering the work force, and there are very few companies that happily hire people in their 50s. Two strikes.


No, she hasn't been "out of work for many years": she works as a teaching assistant now. She is already in the work force (but clearly part-time and not very industrious or motivated)
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2016 02:07     Subject: Worried About DH's Ultimatum
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Wow, either this whole thread is made-up or OP is suffering from the cooped-up and frustrated idiots in this area.

OP, I'm sorry that your husband is being so cruel. First contact a lawyer. Put money regularly into your own account.

It can never hurt to find a better paying job. I know it's hard!


Nothing cruel about it. The gravy train is over.


Oh so taking care of everything at home - from cooking and cleaning, shopping for groceries, driving their daughter around, not to mention all of the kin-keeping tasks like buying gifts, sending birthday cards, calling his parents on their anniversary, then liaising with teachers and administrators for their daughter, keeping track of what's running low in the house, paying the bills and taxes and balancing the check books... that's a gravy train? Really? No. If this were a real post she'd be entitled to alimony because all the work she did behind the scenes allowed him to excel at his office.


Look, SAHMs. Once the kids are in school, you really don't need to be a full-time SAHM anymore. You can work part-time at least. I understand that cooking and driving kids around is time-consuming, but that other stuff is just fluff that can be done quickly. My bills are auto-drafted every month. Balancing checkbooks? This is has been automatically available on every bank website since Bill Clinton was in office. I don't even think about it. Sending birthday cards? "Keeping track of what's low in the house"? Calling relatives? Are you serious? The fact that you would even use these things as examples of "work" just undermines your attempt at sounding busy. You're not fooling anyone.

And none of this would be a problem except that these long-term SAHMs always feel entitled to having another human being pay them alimony for the rest of their lives. It's absolutely wrong. If anything, you should be paying THEM back for subsidizing you for all of these years.