95% sure that this is an entire troll posts to make some misogynists feel good, but just in case there are some actual women reading - much of the above is entire bullshit and the vast majority of successful, professional men in D.C. are interested in women who bring something to the table in terms of money, intelligence and education.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the type of man OP describes but I'm nothing like the OP. 30, work part time, a DC 10, nurturing. I'm not saying all successful men have the same preferences at DH but I wouldn't be surprised if the most successful men don't rate a woman's career that high on their list of priorities.

Your DH wanted arm candy, not an intellectual equal. That's certainly one type of successful guy.

Whatever he wanted, it wasn't a woman like OP. Truth hurts!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to go older - say, mid-50s. Divorced and widowed guys in that age range. Guys your age can date younger, and they do.

Yes, exactly. Single, successful men in their early to mid 40s are not looking for an average looking woman (by your own description) who is their own age. Average looking women your age who are with ultra successful men have probably been with them for many years.

Further, many successful men are happy to "date down" (quotes because "dating down" is all in the eye of the beholder). Many men in the demographic you're describing would be more interested in dating a gorgeous Starbucks barista who, say, has a degree in art history and really enjoys sex.

What women think men want is sometimes different from what men actually find appealing. Successful, professional men have their pick.

I'm a successful, professional man in my 50s. If I were single, I admit that I would be more interested in dating a gorgeous Starbucks barista who, say, has a degree in art history and really enjoys sex. And if she enjoys sex with me, I'd even forego the degree in art history.

Would you marry her though?

PP here. In honesty, maybe. I would if I were looking for someone to help me with down time, to relax. She would have to be intelligent, yes, but not necessarily accomplished. Kind and drama free are important to me. I'm not looking to compete at home.

But probably not, no. If I were recently divorced, I would want to date her, for the conquest value and some adolescent "fun", but in the end I would probably marry a 45-50yo woman with whom I can unwind without drawing evil, judgmental stares from the other parents at school events, and who would age well with me.

But I myself would not be drawn to the OP, given my quieter personality. That said, I can think of a number of successful professional men who are more extroverted who would love to be part of a power couple (Clinton / Dole / Podesta-types) for whom a high professional status wife would be an asset for the cocktail party, social climbing set (which I mean kindly). I know more than one lobbyist for whom a stay-at-home or introverted spouse can be limiting.

Every pot has its cover.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good article on the subject:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-dont-men-like-smart-strong-successful-women/

As a successful, professional man who was once on the dating scene, this is a really good explanation. What really stuck was this - many powerful men want the complimentary feminine energy. FWIW, I married a lawyer, so it wasn't an issue about marrying a smart, successful woman (she is now SAHM).

This excerpt from that article is spot-on:

"When a man goes out with a woman, he’s not as concerned with whether she’s articulate and on track to make partner at the law firm. That’s what women want in men and they assume it’s of equal importance to them. It’s generally not. Men DO value intelligence, but they also want from their girlfriend what they CAN’T get from their business associates. Warmth, affection, nurturing, thoughtfulness. If he finds himself constantly hearing all the things he needs to change, he may just determine that he wants a bright woman who is less challenging. Not a Stepford Wife. Not a bimbo. Not a maid. Just someone who makes his life EASIER and more pleasant.

Listen, I’ve spent my life chasing after women I’ve intellectually admired. Invariably, all of them had major issues with me. They’re not wrong for seeing things I could change. But a huge reason I’m with my wife is because she spends her time loving and supporting me, not challenging me on everything from movie tickets, to travel plans, to wake up times. She’s easy, in the best sense of the word.
"

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. I'm early female 30s and I know a ton of status oriented men. Maybe it doesn't give them a chubby (then again some it seems to) but for practical reasons.

Some people want it all -- looks, personality, status, etc. In the end though, most men will be happy with an attractive, kind woman with no impressive career or education.

There's nothing wrong with having a professional career, obviously. But do it for yourself. Don't do it with the expectation that it will make you more desirable to professional men.

I don't get it. I'm early female 30s and I know a ton of status oriented men. Maybe it doesn't give them a chubby (then again some it seems to) but for practical reasons.

Anonymous wrote:Good article on the subject:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-dont-men-like-smart-strong-successful-women/

As a successful, professional man who was once on the dating scene, this is a really good explanation. What really stuck was this - many powerful men want the complimentary feminine energy. FWIW, I married a lawyer, so it wasn't an issue about marrying a smart, successful woman (she is now SAHM).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good article on the subject:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-dont-men-like-smart-strong-successful-women/

Man here. That was surprisingly accurate. I once dated a woman who I suspect was a lot like OP, and also always prided herself in being "direct" just as described in this article. But what she really was was tactless and critical. No man wants that.

+1

Men don't care as much about wanting to marry an "equal partner." They don't get anything out of being with a "high status" woman, as women often do with high status men. That's just not how men are wired. They are fine with marrying down somewhat, as long as they find you attractive and like your personality.

Women, on the other hand, seem uncomfortable with marrying down. They want a man whose career and/or status is equal to, or greater than, her own. Women seem wired to dislike the notion of a man being dependent, or "lower status," than them. I know a lot of middle aged women who basically just live alone after a divorce, or death of their husband. The only men who are interested don't bring anything to the table financially. But men are fine with women being dependent on them, as long as the attraction is there, and they like her personality. As a result, older women have a smaller dating pool than older men.

I'm the quoted PP here and I do want to clarify one thing. That is (at least in my case) the problem I had with a woman or two wasn't their level of professional accomplishment, but rather their attitude about it and focus on it as an important part of a personal relationship. In fact, I married a woman whose accomplishments exceed mine on a professional level. And so what? We both have good positions, hers is simply better and more lucrative. But she doesn't beat me over the head with this and never has. We're married over 20 years.

OP sounds like the women described in the article who feel as if their "drive" is an excuse to be rude and badger others to reach whatever heights she thinks she deserves in a mate, what since she's so awesome herself and all. Been there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good article on the subject:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-dont-men-like-smart-strong-successful-women/

Man here. That was surprisingly accurate. I once dated a woman who I suspect was a lot like OP, and also always prided herself in being "direct" just as described in this article. But what she really was was tactless and critical. No man wants that.

+1

Men don't care as much about wanting to marry an "equal partner." They don't get anything out of being with a "high status" woman, as women often do with high status men. That's just not how men are wired. They are fine with marrying down somewhat, as long as they find you attractive and like your personality.

Women, on the other hand, seem uncomfortable with marrying down. They want a man whose career and/or status is equal to, or greater than, her own. Women seem wired to dislike the notion of a man being dependent, or "lower status," than them. I know a lot of middle aged women who basically just live alone after a divorce, or death of their husband. The only men who are interested don't bring anything to the table financially. But men are fine with women being dependent on them, as long as the attraction is there, and they like her personality. As a result, older women have a smaller dating pool than older men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good article on the subject:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-dont-men-like-smart-strong-successful-women/

Man here. That was surprisingly accurate. I once dated a woman who I suspect was a lot like OP, and also always prided herself in being "direct" just as described in this article. But what she really was was tactless and critical. No man wants that.

I agree. I am very dedicated to my career but make an effort to be feminine in the other parts of my life, and it has helped a lot with my relationships!

Anonymous wrote:Good article on the subject:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-dont-men-like-smart-strong-successful-women/

Man here. That was surprisingly accurate. I once dated a woman who I suspect was a lot like OP, and also always prided herself in being "direct" just as described in this article. But what she really was was tactless and critical. No man wants that.

Anonymous wrote:
The conversation between a phd scientist and a barista is no different, just background noise until pound town

So true.

Good article on the subject:

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/dating-tips-advice/why-dont-men-like-smart-strong-successful-women/

In general, alpha males (which are what you are describing) do not want to come home to another alpha male that they have to compete with. Most men are actually very simple: they want kind, pleasant companions who enjoy sex. Everything else is gravy.