I would tell your friend that she should take her time in making a decision. She will waffle for a while as she considers her options.

Being a single parent is really, really hard. Living with someone who has cheated on you and broken your trust is also miserable.

If her DH makes good money, she will get some alimony and child support. IT won't be enough for her to live in her current lifestyle, but sometimes that is a small price to pay for freedom.

The worst part about leaving is that she will have ZERO control over the baby's schedule, diet, needs, etc. while the child is with her ex.

No, I can't think of any circumstance when I could stay with DH if he cheated while I was pregnant. I'd rather live in a tiny apartment and eat Ramen noodles than accept that type of treatment and set that kind of example for my kids.

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Anonymous wrote:My mom always told me "you work when you don't want to so you can walk when you have to." So I work just in case something like this happens.

This is such a dismal way of looking at marriage. To answer your question, OP, no I wouldn't, pregnant or not.

Know what's dismal? Trying to re-build your life after you gave up your career for someone else's.

most wives do not "give up their career" for their husbands career. They stop working by their own choice because they want to stay home with the kids or because they always dreamed of being a stay at home. The choice is almost never forced on a woman by the husband. Sometimes there are trailing spouses but that is not the most common reason a woman may choose not to work. Her choice is usually due to reasons that do not involve her husbands career progression.

Furthermore, most men who are single earners in their home do so at great sacrifice. It is very stressful to know that there is no backup income in the event of a layoff. Men working to support their wives when they chose to stay home is a very big gift they give to their wives!

Staying home is ALSO a big gift to the working spouse. The house is managed, kids are cared for, meals and groceries are prepared and purchased, lunches ready to go, doctor, dentist etc appts all made and attended, and so many more things that I make happen so my husband can concentrate on his very demanding career. I can't imagine how we would manage with three kids if we both had demanding careers. It would be really hard for us. So we are have a symbiotic relationship and no one of us is more important than the other - it takes both of us.

+1 for recognizing this. When I was SAHM, my then DH never missed one day of work due to the kids. No sick days. No time taken off for medical appointments. No time taken off during the day for school events. No having to leave early to drive carpool for sports. Also, my then DH went on multi-week work trips abroad, which he never could have done if I hadn't SAHMed. My SAHM was just as much a boost to his career as a boon to my kids. Of course, because we don't value the work of raising kids, it wasn't a wise choice for ME in retrospect. Hurt my career, diminished my retirement, etc. Pretty sure I would advise my DD never to do such a thing, or at a minimum not to do it without an explicit discussion and some kind of pre- or post-marital agreement with SAHM clause in place.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom always told me "you work when you don't want to so you can walk when you have to." So I work just in case something like this happens.

This is such a dismal way of looking at marriage. To answer your question, OP, no I wouldn't, pregnant or not.

Know what's dismal? Trying to re-build your life after you gave up your career for someone else's.

most wives do not "give up their career" for their husbands career. They stop working by their own choice because they want to stay home with the kids or because they always dreamed of being a stay at home. The choice is almost never forced on a woman by the husband. Sometimes there are trailing spouses but that is not the most common reason a woman may choose not to work. Her choice is usually due to reasons that do not involve her husbands career progression.

Furthermore, most men who are single earners in their home do so at great sacrifice. It is very stressful to know that there is no backup income in the event of a layoff. Men working to support their wives when they chose to stay home is a very big gift they give to their wives!

Staying home is ALSO a big gift to the working spouse. The house is managed, kids are cared for, meals and groceries are prepared and purchased, lunches ready to go, doctor, dentist etc appts all made and attended, and so many more things that I make happen so my husband can concentrate on his very demanding career. I can't imagine how we would manage with three kids if we both had demanding careers. It would be really hard for us. So we are have a symbiotic relationship and no one of us is more important than the other - it takes both of us.

I don't understand: " she can't afford to leave him" Child support and alimony will mean they will have to support two households with the money formerly for one, but that means cutting back, not being destitute. The question is what impact will it have on the kid. It sounds like kid 1 is young, usually they handle divorce better, but it's a tough life of switching/sharing and takes a lot of good faith coordination between parents. Being insecure and scared about being on her own is not a good sign, and NOT a good reason to stay. Husband screwed up once, didn't lie about it, sincerely sorry and willing to go through counseling to try and rebuild trust, MAY be a good reason. Its her behavior her kids will emulate, so being helpless or a martyr thinking it's for their sake is not wise unless she wants them to grow up to be that way too.

A man is not a plan.

*neither is a woman but the rhyming scheme doesn't work

She deserves better. So do her kids.

Leave his sorry self and kick him out.

Then collect alimony and child support.

I like the "you work when you don't want to so you can walk when you have to.." logic.

While not so pretty, it rings so very true in how we plan our lives out.

Always, ALWAYS have a Plan B. Always.

I cannot stress this enough. There are never any guarantees in life, most esp. when it comes to love and marriage.

Sad, but such is our life.

Anonymous wrote:My mom always told me "you work when you don't want to so you can walk when you have to." So I work just in case something like this happens.

Absolutely agree. NEVER depend on anyone else financially.

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Anonymous wrote:I wonder if men with true professional peer wives are less likely to cheat because they don't feel an entitlement that I can imagine being the sole breadwinner might engender.

Mine did and I am a professional wife (equally his peer). Funny thing is the one he cheated with when I was pregnant was a low life, low income skank.

Low income makes someone a skank? Way to judge. You should be calling your DH names. He is the one who cheated on you.

No fucking her husband makes her a skank, try to keep up

Oh, her husband is a skank, too! Got it!

(realizes she was mistaken for assuming "skank" was necessarily classist)

(switches to bizarre gender equality point)