Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see people on DCUM rag on SAHMs that don't go back to work once their youngest starts school, but honestly OP, your question is exactly why I continue to stay at home.

Some of the PPs who have spread sheets and have to "cobble together" care for their children from multiple sources--it sounds so stressful.

Unless I really LOVED my career, or having me go back to work literally meant the difference between paying the mortgage vs. living on the street--it's just not worth it for my family.

I love it when wealthy women pop in to remind us all how good they have it. It really rounds out the discussion.

I didn't take it that way. She said it sounds so stressful, like she doesn't know how other people can handle it. That's a compliment not a humble brag.

Anonymous wrote:I see people on DCUM rag on SAHMs that don't go back to work once their youngest starts school, but honestly OP, your question is exactly why I continue to stay at home.

Some of the PPs who have spread sheets and have to "cobble together" care for their children from multiple sources--it sounds so stressful.

Unless I really LOVED my career, or having me go back to work literally meant the difference between paying the mortgage vs. living on the street--it's just not worth it for my family.

Not everyone has a husband that makes enough money to support the whole family. You MUST understand that, right? Sometimes the woman even makes significantly more - GASP!!!

The first thing to do, which you've probably already done, is call your local elementary and ask what their aftercare provider is. If you're lucky then you have an onsite provider who is open on teacher in-service days, most snow days, and many holidays. Ours is.

I went back to work when my kids were in K and 2nd grade. They are in aftercare at school but it doesn't run on holidays and teacher work days. So, for the first couple days we used the various camps than run on those no-school days. But my kids never liked those camps so after I got more established at work, and the kids were older and less likely to interrupt me, I started working at home on those days -- I already WAH one day a week regularly and my boss also WAH to cover the random days.

Now DH WAH most of the time so he usually covers them. We also have a couple HS students on our street who have filled in as needed.

For the longer breaks -- Spring Break we always go on vacation. Winter Break I WAH half-time for part of the break and DH covers the rest of it.

I know we're fortunate to have such flexibility but there are plenty of options if both parents have completely inflexible jobs with no ability to WAH -- find camps (our school always sends home flyers about available camps), have a sitter who can be available, get an au pair so you always have coverage, use vacation time. As one who went from a SAHM to a WOHM, it does seem intimidating at first but then you learn your options and figure it out.

It isn't that hard for everyone. My twins will be 5 this year and starting ES. Turns out I'll have my 15yrs as a federal employee in less than a month and accrue an extra 2hrs each pay period (almost 6 weeks of annual leave per yr). My sons ES daycare will be open all summer but we can take up to two weeks vacation for free. So I'll take leave the days my husband works (he is off 2-3 days per week with his non-office FT job). Same for Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, and spring break when ES daycare is closed. Additionally, I plan to leave work early twice per week during the school year to be at home when my boys step off the bus starting in Aug.

From now til when they are 5-10 (or 11), I may burn a little more annual leave than I earn. That's ok. I am always skating in under the use or lose window. When they are about 10-11 and can stay home alone and be unsupervised for an hour, I'll catch back up.

This could all change to be more favorable too as I've applied for a work at home position (know the person hiring who wants me in his team so good odds) so without any leave I'd be at home when my kids step on the bus and off the bus during the school year. I'd take leave the 2-3 days over Thanksgiving, Christmas weeks, and spring break opposite my husband. During the summer they would go to ES daycare and we'd visit family the 2 free weeks they have off.

The flexibility I have starting this year would not be possible if I had left work when I had kids. If I don't get the work at home job, the most I'd pay for daycare the ENTIRE year is $6k. If I get the work at home job, I'll pay about $2k per yr for summer care and that's it. No relying on teenagers, paying expensive professional babysitters or expensive camps (unless there is a camp they want to do as they get a little older).

Not trying to flame you but I don't want it to be perceived that ALL working parents are struggling with it. Sure it takes some planning just like vacations do, but it can be doable.

We have a temp contract with White House nannies. They will arrange a sitter at the last minute for school vacation days, sick days (I usually take off, but occasionally I'll get a sitter), etc. Knowing I can always get someone at the last minute in a pinch eases my stress.

For the summer, we do a combo of camps, sitters and vacations.

We've looked into getting an EduCare au pair- it's an au pair program where the au pair only works 30 hours/week and is less expensive than a FT au pair. We'd still need half day camps or a teenage sitter for some hours in the summer, but it would give us a lot of flexibility over the school year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see people on DCUM rag on SAHMs that don't go back to work once their youngest starts school, but honestly OP, your question is exactly why I continue to stay at home.

Some of the PPs who have spread sheets and have to "cobble together" care for their children from multiple sources--it sounds so stressful.

Unless I really LOVED my career, or having me go back to work literally meant the difference between paying the mortgage vs. living on the street--it's just not worth it for my family.

I disagree. I don't think it's that hard for everyone. My child's aftercare program is open during snow days, breaks and professional days. Camps run til mid August, then we take a week vacation and the last week is covered by a childcare center that my youngest attends full time. I also have telework flexibility. I've worked hard to get to this point in my career and the flexibility has helped once kids came along.

I'd say it is mildly stressful until my spreadsheet (I do it in excel) suddenly clarifies, and I can see how the year will work. After that, it is fine (except for snow days. I really hate snowdays)

+1 another one here who does not do a spreadsheet, but maybe that's just bc my brain does not work that way . I just have a big list in a word doc. Do whatever method works for you.

NP here. I also do a spreadsheet. It's more visual (which works for me), but I think everyone has their own style at processing info like this!

Someone needs to tweet about this default parent nonsense again! Seriously, thinking of my DH doing this planning makes me LAUGH.

Seriously. The reason I have to have a spreadsheet (or some tool, calendar would work too) is because I am the default planning parent, and if I didn't do it we'd be up a creek. Teacher work day would pop up, and we'd probably stand there at 7:30am squabling about who had the more important work day that day and who should take off. This eliminates the stress. It takes half an hour to set up each year, with the exception of the time it takes to research and sign up for camps. And then its done. Its the other spreadsheets I work with all day that make me crazy...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see people on DCUM rag on SAHMs that don't go back to work once their youngest starts school, but honestly OP, your question is exactly why I continue to stay at home.

Some of the PPs who have spread sheets and have to "cobble together" care for their children from multiple sources--it sounds so stressful.

Unless I really LOVED my career, or having me go back to work literally meant the difference between paying the mortgage vs. living on the street--it's just not worth it for my family.

I disagree. I don't think it's that hard for everyone. My child's aftercare program is open during snow days, breaks and professional days. Camps run til mid August, then we take a week vacation and the last week is covered by a childcare center that my youngest attends full time. I also have telework flexibility. I've worked hard to get to this point in my career and the flexibility has helped once kids came along.

I'd say it is mildly stressful until my spreadsheet (I do it in excel) suddenly clarifies, and I can see how the year will work. After that, it is fine (except for snow days. I really hate snowdays)

+1 another one here who does not do a spreadsheet, but maybe that's just bc my brain does not work that way . I just have a big list in a word doc. Do whatever method works for you.

NP here. I also do a spreadsheet. It's more visual (which works for me), but I think everyone has their own style at processing info like this!

Someone needs to tweet about this default parent nonsense again! Seriously, thinking of my DH doing this planning makes me LAUGH.

I WAH almost 100%, but we have an au pair. I also have one little one who needs full-time care, and one in school -- and even though this year's snow days are non-existent, last year's were enough to remind me how valuable it is to have live-in care for all your kids regardless of the weather.

My employer is also reasonable about me needing to help my kids (especially the little guy, who's only 1) if they are sick. They just care that I do my job and do it well -- a few days here and there were I have to shift some of my work to night time because I was running to the pharmacy or the pediatrician doesn't bother them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see people on DCUM rag on SAHMs that don't go back to work once their youngest starts school, but honestly OP, your question is exactly why I continue to stay at home.

Some of the PPs who have spread sheets and have to "cobble together" care for their children from multiple sources--it sounds so stressful.

Unless I really LOVED my career, or having me go back to work literally meant the difference between paying the mortgage vs. living on the street--it's just not worth it for my family.

I disagree. I don't think it's that hard for everyone. My child's aftercare program is open during snow days, breaks and professional days. Camps run til mid August, then we take a week vacation and the last week is covered by a childcare center that my youngest attends full time. I also have telework flexibility. I've worked hard to get to this point in my career and the flexibility has helped once kids came along.

I'd say it is mildly stressful until my spreadsheet (I do it in excel) suddenly clarifies, and I can see how the year will work. After that, it is fine (except for snow days. I really hate snowdays)

+1 another one here who does not do a spreadsheet, but maybe that's just bc my brain does not work that way . I just have a big list in a word doc. Do whatever method works for you.

Anonymous wrote:I see people on DCUM rag on SAHMs that don't go back to work once their youngest starts school, but honestly OP, your question is exactly why I continue to stay at home.

Some of the PPs who have spread sheets and have to "cobble together" care for their children from multiple sources--it sounds so stressful.

Unless I really LOVED my career, or having me go back to work literally meant the difference between paying the mortgage vs. living on the street--it's just not worth it for my family.

Like with most things, it seems stressful and hard at first but then you get better at it. I now know all the places that have childcare during those random teacher work days and my husband and I share time off. It honestly sounds a little babyish to cop to, "It just seems so haaaard." Most things worth doing in life are hard but then you feel proud of yourself after you try and you get it! (Isn't this what you tell your kids when they are trying something new? Sorry if this sounds babyish to reduce things to this, but, honestly, but it is an appropriate response to a babyish look at this issue!) Anyway, I also do not go to work just to pay the bills. I go b/c I am an adult and I want to be a contributing member of society beyond what I can do just within the domestic realm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We both took more flexible, slightly lower paying jobs. We could both absolutely earn more money, but we would have to pay for a nanny with it.

I took a huge paycut two years ago - my job was predictable, but not flexible. I now work from home 95% of the time. I am back up to 93% of my salary and am so much more relaxed. Before I started, I had ZERO hours of leave. I now am at the use it or lose it point, so I can take vacation when I need to.

My DH works from home as well (100%). He could make more money - but would rather spend time with our young family at this point. We are fortunate that we have the option.

For the summer, we will do some type of camps. Everything else, we either take the time off (Christmas, Spring Break). For one offs, we just work from home. I make sure that he can cover me if I have meetings I need to call into, and vice versa.

If you are working from home regularly with kids there, that's not allowed for the vast majority of employers. I have worked from home for many years but each employer required I have childcare.

NP - I work from home regularly (2-3 days a week) but do have childcare. However, on the rare days like OP is describing where childcare isn't available (for us it's usually a snow day where we have a deadline) our employers understand and we don't have to take PTO if we are producing. Luckily once kids are school-aged this isn't a problem, most kids can entertain themselves for a few hours. And should be anyway, whether parents are working or not.

I tend to have longer-term projects and it's really rare that someone needs something from me RIGHT AWAY but I can still do calls etc. and respond to emails when both kids are home from school.

Anonymous wrote:We both took more flexible, slightly lower paying jobs. We could both absolutely earn more money, but we would have to pay for a nanny with it.

I took a huge paycut two years ago - my job was predictable, but not flexible. I now work from home 95% of the time. I am back up to 93% of my salary and am so much more relaxed. Before I started, I had ZERO hours of leave. I now am at the use it or lose it point, so I can take vacation when I need to.

My DH works from home as well (100%). He could make more money - but would rather spend time with our young family at this point. We are fortunate that we have the option.

For the summer, we will do some type of camps. Everything else, we either take the time off (Christmas, Spring Break). For one offs, we just work from home. I make sure that he can cover me if I have meetings I need to call into, and vice versa.

If you are working from home regularly with kids there, that's not allowed for the vast majority of employers. I have worked from home for many years but each employer required I have childcare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see people on DCUM rag on SAHMs that don't go back to work once their youngest starts school, but honestly OP, your question is exactly why I continue to stay at home.

Some of the PPs who have spread sheets and have to "cobble together" care for their children from multiple sources--it sounds so stressful.

Unless I really LOVED my career, or having me go back to work literally meant the difference between paying the mortgage vs. living on the street--it's just not worth it for my family.

I disagree. I don't think it's that hard for everyone. My child's aftercare program is open during snow days, breaks and professional days. Camps run til mid August, then we take a week vacation and the last week is covered by a childcare center that my youngest attends full time. I also have telework flexibility. I've worked hard to get to this point in my career and the flexibility has helped once kids came along.

Same here. My child's ES's aftercare is open on all professional days, half days, etc. Youngest is in full-time day care. After 5 years of day care, my oldest has a tough immunity system and doesn't get sick very often. My job is also flexible and I can bring my oldest to the office if needed. Camp covers all weeks in the summer. Take one week of vacation in August when youngest's day care is closed.

+1 for aftercare programs. We have our Kindergartner at before and after care at our daughter's preschool, which also covers half-days and days elementary school was closed. It was obvious what a god-send this programs was by October, when there still hadn't been an actual full week of Kindergarten.

We'd planned to look at the school-run after care program once both kids are in elementary school; but with all the days elementary school (and thus the after school program) is closed, ones run by outside daycare centers just make more sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see people on DCUM rag on SAHMs that don't go back to work once their youngest starts school, but honestly OP, your question is exactly why I continue to stay at home.

Some of the PPs who have spread sheets and have to "cobble together" care for their children from multiple sources--it sounds so stressful.

Unless I really LOVED my career, or having me go back to work literally meant the difference between paying the mortgage vs. living on the street--it's just not worth it for my family.

I love it when wealthy women pop in to remind us all how good they have it. It really rounds out the discussion.

NP here, but most of the SAHMs I know are not at all wealthy.

Yeah, so I'd think you would find these "tra la la" posts annoying, too.