Anonymous
Post 01/02/2016 22:59     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
Keep us posted OP! This sounds like quite the drama. I think you are right to give your mom a head's up so she can think about how she wants to respond to this whole scenario that went down. I don't see any good that can come of bickering over a dead woman's ring but if there are decades of issues between the siblings and this is just the latest installment, I'm afraid no one will be able to stop it from happening. The best thing might be if the other siblings just agree to silently reproach her in their minds.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2016 22:53     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I inherited my grandmother's jewelry. She should have divided it between me and my cousin. I don 't know what she was thinking.


Why didn't you divide it between you and your cousin? Is there just the two of you, or are there more cousins?

In my family, we have (9) immediate cousins (from two siblings) - 7 of which are girls. IMO, using common sense, the jewelry should be divided 7 ways. There is no reason an IL should get the family jewelry (or anything, for that matter - they are not blood). Instead, what happened is that my sister hoarded all of the (really pricey) jewelry, called it junk, and sold it off, because she would rather have a few dollars than have anyone else enjoy it.

OP, I don't think your aunt is that different. Tell your mom, but be prepared to let it go. It obviously it not up for conversation by your aunt.

No, the jewelry should be divided 9 ways not 7.


It should be divided how the will dictated. Which could be to the siblings. Or one sibling. Or the grandchildren equally. Or everything to one grandchild. Life isn't fair.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2016 01:22     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I inherited my grandmother's jewelry. She should have divided it between me and my cousin. I don 't know what she was thinking.


Why didn't you divide it between you and your cousin? Is there just the two of you, or are there more cousins?

In my family, we have (9) immediate cousins (from two siblings) - 7 of which are girls. IMO, using common sense, the jewelry should be divided 7 ways. There is no reason an IL should get the family jewelry (or anything, for that matter - they are not blood). Instead, what happened is that my sister hoarded all of the (really pricey) jewelry, called it junk, and sold it off, because she would rather have a few dollars than have anyone else enjoy it.

OP, I don't think your aunt is that different. Tell your mom, but be prepared to let it go. It obviously it not up for conversation by your aunt.

No, the jewelry should be divided 9 ways not 7.
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2015 14:19     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
Everything depends on the will. I was the executor of my parents' estates. When mom passed, technically her will left everything to me to divvy out as I saw fit.

What some people think the "family" agrees to do doesn't actually matter in many cases. It is up to the executor to make these kinds of decisions.
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2015 12:17     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would have called my mom as soon as I left the party to dish about what happened. That's the kind of relationship we have. So I would have already told my mother about all this, but not in a big "I have Something to Tell You" sort of way but more in a "omg guess what just happened at Xmas?!" type of way.


Yeah, same here!


OP here - we have this relationship too but she had a (minor) surgery prior to Christmas (which is why she wasn't there). So she was a bit more tired/fragile. And then, because I didn't feel like I could call and tell her immediately, I started to think about how big this could potentially be to the siblings.

Anyway, I am having dinner with her tonight and am going to bring it up - but not in an "I Have Something To Tell You" way....I am just going to recap Christmas and bring it up in the course of the conversation.


Well, I admire your maturity. Please do report back! And I hope your mom is feeling better.
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2015 12:15     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would have called my mom as soon as I left the party to dish about what happened. That's the kind of relationship we have. So I would have already told my mother about all this, but not in a big "I have Something to Tell You" sort of way but more in a "omg guess what just happened at Xmas?!" type of way.


Yeah, same here!


OP here - we have this relationship too but she had a (minor) surgery prior to Christmas (which is why she wasn't there). So she was a bit more tired/fragile. And then, because I didn't feel like I could call and tell her immediately, I started to think about how big this could potentially be to the siblings.

Anyway, I am having dinner with her tonight and am going to bring it up - but not in an "I Have Something To Tell You" way....I am just going to recap Christmas and bring it up in the course of the conversation.
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2015 09:22     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
Anonymous wrote:I would have called my mom as soon as I left the party to dish about what happened. That's the kind of relationship we have. So I would have already told my mother about all this, but not in a big "I have Something to Tell You" sort of way but more in a "omg guess what just happened at Xmas?!" type of way.


Yeah, same here!
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2015 09:07     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
I would have called my mom as soon as I left the party to dish about what happened. That's the kind of relationship we have. So I would have already told my mother about all this, but not in a big "I have Something to Tell You" sort of way but more in a "omg guess what just happened at Xmas?!" type of way.
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2015 08:59     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
Anonymous wrote:Tell your mother. If she finds out that you knew but didn't share that information, she will feel betrayed by both her sister and her daughter--just for different reasons.


Yep, she is your mom. Tell her. As a mother, you should have earned the privilege of your kids telling you family gossip as soon as they know it.
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2015 03:47     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
Tell your mother. If she finds out that you knew but didn't share that information, she will feel betrayed by both her sister and her daughter--just for different reasons.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2015 22:31     Subject: Re:Ugh, family and jewelry....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Ignore the entire thing. The ring was not yours. It was not your mother's. People need to stop expecting dead people will have left things for them as if they're owed these things.


You're an idiot.

Why? This is reasonable advice.

Not the pp, but this has nothing to do with "dead people" and everything to do about the living aunts and uncles. It sounds like the family decide to bury the ring with the grandmother and the aunt took it off the dead woman before the burial. So yes tell your mother what went down because it's about to get real and she should have a heads up. Maybe your mom will tell you the whole story of what went down when she died. It does not really sound like the op cares about the ring.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2015 22:28     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's so weird to think of a granddaughter wearing a ring. In my family rings go to men to propose with, not to girls so their boyfriends can propose with them.


We don't have that kind of heirloom in our family. But the only 2 people I know it has gone down to women because, I think, the logic is that if something happens to the marriage, the "real family" will always be the one with the ring. If a son gets it for his fiance and they break up, its no longer with the family most likely?


This is what I thought too (boy gets it to propose with), but to solve the problem, it should be given to a girl but not as a ring to be proposed with and certainly not pulled apart. She should get it intact, as an heirloom, right-hand ring. Fiance should still buy a proper ring.


This is how my mother wore the diamond ring her mother left her, and how I wear it now that my mother has died. I am very sentimental so I would never have pulled it apart, and it's also the most beautiful ring I ever saw.


lovely.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2015 22:16     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
Anonymous wrote:I really hope that it turns out that OPs aunt stole the ring from the casket. Dug the casket up under dark of night to get the ring would be the ideal outcome. Why else was she so tight lipped, hmmm?



OP here - now that would be some sweet family drama. Alas, based on some PPs about funeral directors removing jewelry prior to burial, I suspect that may explain what happened. This cousin is sweet as hell and doesnt deserve too much drama surrounding the diamond. Hopefully aunt will confess what happened and everyone can move on. The aunt is the youngest and her kids are the only ones left to get married anyway. I just dont think that fact will get her off the hook on explaining how she got the ring.
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2015 22:09     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
I really hope that it turns out that OPs aunt stole the ring from the casket. Dug the casket up under dark of night to get the ring would be the ideal outcome. Why else was she so tight lipped, hmmm?
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2015 21:34     Subject: Ugh, family and jewelry....
There's often a grabby relative who feels entitled to more than they are due to receive. Your aunt is The Grabby One in your family. She probably saw to it that grandma's ring made it into her hands. OP should tell her mom because she actually witnessed the incident and her mother would therefore expect to hear about it from her.