Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was a couple years out of college I ran into someone in my class out at a mini- reunion type thing. He looked good and I guess I was being a sucker for flattery so I gave him my number. We met for dinner at a restaurant he chose and he proceeded to tell me over dinner:
- how he'd secretly had a huge crush on me in college (cute)
- how he was living at home with his parents
- how he'd worn Prada shoes to impress me (spend that money on rent maybe??)
- how he'd work his blue contacts to impress me (getting creepy now)
- then he proceeded to describe in great detail a dress I wore once at a party that he really liked (crossed into really creepy)

Then the check came and he said he didn't have enough money and just let me pay. No splitting or anything. We went to a bar afterwards because I was trying to find a good way to slowly ease away. He told me he would take the train home and I reminded him about 400 ones not to miss his train. Finally we were getting tight on time for the last train out and I was practically pushing him out the door. He said he'd just stay with a friend in town. I said he could do whatever he wanted, but there was NO WAY he was staying with me. By the time I finally got him moving, there were no more trains for the night and he was begging to stay with me. He was saying he'd sleep on the floor, on the floor in the hall, etc etc. I'm guessing his friend let him stay? Don't know because that's the last time I ever heard from him...

I'll probably get told I'm paranoid but this really bothers me- he's acting like he's setting up a date rape scenario that's 'your fault because you wanted it because you let him stay'. All night you were clear in your boundaries and he could not respect them. I think of memories like this and hope you realize you were lucky and good for you for holding firm and not feeling sympathy with this manipulator.

+1 Completely agree, had OP caved I think terrible things would've happened that night.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As a man, even I agree that there are some red flags on the dates, and some things that make it funny.

However, my most dominant thought tells me that there are an awfully lot of immature women.

+1
I can't understand why women past their mid-twenties are hiding from dates in bars or standing people up instead of just telling them they aren't feeling it and leaving or that they aren't coming. That's what stood out to me most as odd.

Because I don't enjoy being mean. I go in with good intentions but for me, its just hard to say to a face, I'm not feeling it. I'm learning that its ok to say no. In my previous marriage, saying no was not really tolerated. Go figure.

I chalk it all up to learning experience and who cares if its odd? Judge judge away. But at least I had the guts to share what really happened.

I'm the quoted PP. I get where you are coming from as I also don't like to be mean, but having someone looking around and waiting for you is meaner than telling them what's up. I'm glad that you are making progress in that area. Learning to say no with grace is a hard-won skill for many.

^^^^
oops "ended up dating" not "updating"

Back when I was in my early 20s I went one my only internet date. I joined jdate and about 5 min later some guy pinged me. He lived close so we made a date at a local bar. We started out at the outdoor bar where we talked about dating. He told me about a girl he met and really liked. They went out a few times and then she unexpectedly stopped calling him. One day he tried calling one last time and someone picked up. It was a family member who told him she had died in a car accident. Weird first date story but OK.

Then we moved to the inside bar and he kept going to the bathroom for long periods of time. It was so weird. No explanation just gone for 10 min at a time. There was a table of hot guys who kept looking at me so I went over to talk to them. I chatted with them for a bit, gave one of them my number. He and I ended updating for a few months.

I went on one more date with the original guy. We weren't a match and I never figured out what was up with all those bathroom trips.

Another time I met a guy for drinks. I have no idea how it came up and I am sure I didn't ask but he ended up telling me that he didn't masturbate b/c he has too much semen and it was too messy. Even thinking about what he said now makes me want to vomit. Needless to say I left shortly after.

Anonymous wrote:When I was a couple years out of college I ran into someone in my class out at a mini- reunion type thing. He looked good and I guess I was being a sucker for flattery so I gave him my number. We met for dinner at a restaurant he chose and he proceeded to tell me over dinner:
- how he'd secretly had a huge crush on me in college (cute)
- how he was living at home with his parents
- how he'd worn Prada shoes to impress me (spend that money on rent maybe??)
- how he'd work his blue contacts to impress me (getting creepy now)
- then he proceeded to describe in great detail a dress I wore once at a party that he really liked (crossed into really creepy)

Then the check came and he said he didn't have enough money and just let me pay. No splitting or anything. We went to a bar afterwards because I was trying to find a good way to slowly ease away. He told me he would take the train home and I reminded him about 400 ones not to miss his train. Finally we were getting tight on time for the last train out and I was practically pushing him out the door. He said he'd just stay with a friend in town. I said he could do whatever he wanted, but there was NO WAY he was staying with me. By the time I finally got him moving, there were no more trains for the night and he was begging to stay with me. He was saying he'd sleep on the floor, on the floor in the hall, etc etc. I'm guessing his friend let him stay? Don't know because that's the last time I ever heard from him...

I'll probably get told I'm paranoid but this really bothers me- he's acting like he's setting up a date rape scenario that's 'your fault because you wanted it because you let him stay'. All night you were clear in your boundaries and he could not respect them. I think of memories like this and hope you realize you were lucky and good for you for holding firm and not feeling sympathy with this manipulator.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again this the 3 years ago and I didn't have a clue. My self esteem was in the toilet after my divorce. I'm in a much better place now. . Yeah for me!

See I was 24 when I started to date my ex husband and moved out when I was 39. I didn't have any clue! I did act like I was 25, I felt 25. I was young and dumb and gullible. 3 years of dates has made me a wise women. Think about how much has changed since 1998 - so much!

So no shame. And yes I wasn't asking the cabbie to waive it, before I could even suggest going to an ATM he locked me in the car. I was not used to estimating how much a cab coast from Chinatown to chevy chase. Now I know.

My stories are a testimate of how far I've come. And how much dating has changed. And honestly I have more. Some good some bad, but every date taught me something new. Let's just day - I'm very wise to the ins and outs of online meeting.

I love your stories and don't know why people are being so harsh. Everyone's situation is different.

Thanks!!!! Well said, everyone is different. Thank you for giving the space to do so. Bravo!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As a man, even I agree that there are some red flags on the dates, and some things that make it funny.

However, my most dominant thought tells me that there are an awfully lot of immature women.

+1
I can't understand why women past their mid-twenties are hiding from dates in bars or standing people up instead of just telling them they aren't feeling it and leaving or that they aren't coming. That's what stood out to me most as odd.

Because I don't enjoy being mean. I go in with good intentions but for me, its just hard to say to a face, I'm not feeling it. I'm learning that its ok to say no. In my previous marriage, saying no was not really tolerated. Go figure.

I chalk it all up to learning experience and who cares if its odd? Judge judge away. But at least I had the guts to share what really happened.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As a man, even I agree that there are some red flags on the dates, and some things that make it funny.

However, my most dominant thought tells me that there are an awfully lot of immature women.

+1
I can't understand why women past their mid-twenties are hiding from dates in bars or standing people up instead of just telling them they aren't feeling it and leaving or that they aren't coming. That's what stood out to me most as odd.

Yup. They're acting like they've been victimized in some way. Instead, they're being assholes.

Yeah, sometimes it's due to being a coward. But sometimes, women take the easy way out because angry guys can be scary. Until you've been yelled at or harassed (by someone 50-100 lbs heavier than you) because you don't want to see them, you don't know how scary that is.

I'm a woman and I know the feeling well. In some cases it's totally warranted. In cases where his texts are creepy and you don't want to meet him? A simple 'I'm not coming' text would do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again this the 3 years ago and I didn't have a clue. My self esteem was in the toilet after my divorce. I'm in a much better place now. . Yeah for me!

See I was 24 when I started to date my ex husband and moved out when I was 39. I didn't have any clue! I did act like I was 25, I felt 25. I was young and dumb and gullible. 3 years of dates has made me a wise women. Think about how much has changed since 1998 - so much!

So no shame. And yes I wasn't asking the cabbie to waive it, before I could even suggest going to an ATM he locked me in the car. I was not used to estimating how much a cab coast from Chinatown to chevy chase. Now I know.

My stories are a testimate of how far I've come. And how much dating has changed. And honestly I have more. Some good some bad, but every date taught me something new. Let's just day - I'm very wise to the ins and outs of online meeting.

I love your stories and don't know why people are being so harsh. Everyone's situation is different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As a man, even I agree that there are some red flags on the dates, and some things that make it funny.

However, my most dominant thought tells me that there are an awfully lot of immature women.

+1
I can't understand why women past their mid-twenties are hiding from dates in bars or standing people up instead of just telling them they aren't feeling it and leaving or that they aren't coming. That's what stood out to me most as odd.

Yup. They're acting like they've been victimized in some way. Instead, they're being assholes.

Yeah, sometimes it's due to being a coward. But sometimes, women take the easy way out because angry guys can be scary. Until you've been yelled at or harassed (by someone 50-100 lbs heavier than you) because you don't want to see them, you don't know how scary that is.

+1. Some people have no idea what that feels like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
As a man, even I agree that there are some red flags on the dates, and some things that make it funny.

However, my most dominant thought tells me that there are an awfully lot of immature women.

+1
I can't understand why women past their mid-twenties are hiding from dates in bars or standing people up instead of just telling them they aren't feeling it and leaving or that they aren't coming. That's what stood out to me most as odd.

Yup. They're acting like they've been victimized in some way. Instead, they're being assholes.

Yeah, sometimes it's due to being a coward. But sometimes, women take the easy way out because angry guys can be scary. Until you've been yelled at or harassed (by someone 50-100 lbs heavier than you) because you don't want to see them, you don't know how scary that is.

I was 21 and at a bar in college back when they were really smokey and really dark. I was also tipsy so when my dorm mates told me a "really hot guy" that I had been talking to wanted to go out with me, I was excited and took them for their word even though I didn't remember which one he was.

He called me and we set up the date. The night he was supposed to pick me up the fire alarm went off.
14 floors of college students emptied into a parking lot.

I had no idea who this guy was, though he didn't know I didn't know, so I went up to every good looking white guy wih dark hair (I remembered that) and smiled hopefully at them. No luck for about a half hour of chaos until the guy found me. I was so keyed up and nervous I was just thankful he found me and I could have what was one of my first "real" dates.
We went to a movie theatre, sat down, watched the credits and the second the movie came on he took his hand and put it down the front of my pants.
I yelped, got up and walked out, found a pay phone in the mall and called my roommates to come get me. I hid in the dressing room of the Gap until they came for me.

When I was a couple years out of college I ran into someone in my class out at a mini- reunion type thing. He looked good and I guess I was being a sucker for flattery so I gave him my number. We met for dinner at a restaurant he chose and he proceeded to tell me over dinner:
- how he'd secretly had a huge crush on me in college (cute)
- how he was living at home with his parents
- how he'd worn Prada shoes to impress me (spend that money on rent maybe??)
- how he'd work his blue contacts to impress me (getting creepy now)
- then he proceeded to describe in great detail a dress I wore once at a party that he really liked (crossed into really creepy)

Then the check came and he said he didn't have enough money and just let me pay. No splitting or anything. We went to a bar afterwards because I was trying to find a good way to slowly ease away. He told me he would take the train home and I reminded him about 400 ones not to miss his train. Finally we were getting tight on time for the last train out and I was practically pushing him out the door. He said he'd just stay with a friend in town. I said he could do whatever he wanted, but there was NO WAY he was staying with me. By the time I finally got him moving, there were no more trains for the night and he was begging to stay with me. He was saying he'd sleep on the floor, on the floor in the hall, etc etc. I'm guessing his friend let him stay? Don't know because that's the last time I ever heard from him...

Once while I was military, I was stopping through a foreign port for a few days. I met a girl and we traded numbers, went out for a date. I wasn't expecting anything really. I tried for a kiss, but got a bible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My first date. Guy and his friend pick me up because he is lending his friend his car. We stop by the atm. He apparently started a new acct that day and deposited all of his money. He puts an envelope in the machine in an attempt to get his money ( I am not making this up). I'm sitting in this car and he is writing on an envelope and trying to shove it in like someone is on the other side 7pm at night. His friend has a few bucks. We get to the theater to pay and he tells them I'm his kid sister, and he's taking me out. He wanted the child discount. I was an over developed teen wearing a g cup...
I go sit on the steps and he attempts to page his friend to come get us because they aren't letting us in. His friend never calls. Theater feels bad for us and let's us in. Friend picks us up after the movie they drop me off and he tries to kiss me goodnight.

That may just win the award for this thread!

I should add he told them it was my birthday. When they let us in several of the staff wished me a happy birthday so awkward