Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is giving you gifts she genuinely thinks you'd like.

Op got one cheap throw. I agree that a throw is not a bad gift and you don't have to pay$$$ to get a good one. However...

Would you feel comfortable giving one of your own DILs a cheap throw, while giving the other DIL boxes of designer clothes and lotions.

I, personally, would feel uncomfortable doing that. At the same time, Op is not the one who DID this. So Op does not need to worry about it. Not even a little.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she is giving you gifts she genuinely thinks you'd like.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The throw might be worth more or about the same as SILs gifts. I'd prefer a throw -- but I'm probably not normal. Was it really ugly or not your style?

I would also much orefer the throw.

Unless we are talking about a college sweatshirt, the last thing I want my MIL picking out for me is clothes.

I have a vision of OPs sister in law posting here "Oh my gosh! My stupid MIL just spent a ton of money buying me lotion and an ugly dress that I wouldn't want to wear in a million years! Doesn't she know I am allergic to all non organic, humanely farmed scents and that I hate navy blue?!? I think she just picked those things because she wants me to look ugly so DH will divorce me and is also trying to give me a rash. SIL got a beautiful alpaca throw and I just got this stupid crap that MIL knows I hate. She actually made me try the lotion and mentioned I should wear the dress when we are forced to spend Mother's Day at her house instead of with MY mother. My husband said nothing of course and SIL just sat there smugly. I HATE my in laws!"

If we wait long enough I am sure some version of SILs post will pop up here too.

Anonymous wrote:The throw might be worth more or about the same as SILs gifts. I'd prefer a throw -- but I'm probably not normal. Was it really ugly or not your style?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The throw might be worth more or about the same as SILs gifts. I'd prefer a throw -- but I'm probably not normal. Was it really ugly or not your style?

It isn't. It's a really cheap one. Totally not me, and she knows it. By the way, this is the second blanket I've received from her. A few years back she bought SIL a Ralph Lauren sweater and I received a fleece blanket. I was so confused then and a bit upset. I always thought that she should gift is equally as she does her own children. Even if the shoe was on the other foot I would feel awkward. I think it's just a recipe for disaster.

I'm beginning to see why there might be friction with your MIL. OP: I think you are keeping score too much here and inserting your expectations where they don't belong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm extremely close to my inlaws. So I'm not sure why my MIL would choose to buy me a blanket for Christmas but buy my SIL at least 5 nice items. I'm a heck of a lot closer to her. I didn't expect such an impersonal gift. We all open gifts together and needless to say, I was a bit embarrassed that I received a throw while my counterpart kept pulling out nice hand lotions, cosmetics and a dress. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but she made me feel like she was sending a message. I would've felt bad even if the tables were turned. I always go out of my way to buy gifts that will be appreciated. I take the recipient into mind as well as who will open up what where and in front of whom. Unfortunately, this happened on a few occasions. I don't know what gives. But I'm ready to get out of here. As much as I love MIL sometimes some of her actions seem a bit passive aggressive.

Your SIL is your MIL's daughter. You are not her "counterpart." You are your MIL's daughter-in-law. If you come to the table with that expectation instead of "I'm the exact same as a daughter," you'll probably be able to relax and go with the flow more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm extremely close to my inlaws. So I'm not sure why my MIL would choose to buy me a blanket for Christmas but buy my SIL at least 5 nice items. I'm a heck of a lot closer to her. I didn't expect such an impersonal gift. We all open gifts together and needless to say, I was a bit embarrassed that I received a throw while my counterpart kept pulling out nice hand lotions, cosmetics and a dress. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but she made me feel like she was sending a message. I would've felt bad even if the tables were turned. I always go out of my way to buy gifts that will be appreciated. I take the recipient into mind as well as who will open up what where and in front of whom. Unfortunately, this happened on a few occasions. I don't know what gives. But I'm ready to get out of here. As much as I love MIL sometimes some of her actions seem a bit passive aggressive.

Your SIL is your MIL's daughter. You are not her "counterpart." You are your MIL's daughter-in-law. If you come to the table with that expectation instead of "I'm the exact same as a daughter," you'll probably be able to relax and go with the flow more.

Reading is fundamental. They are both DIL' s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm extremely close to my inlaws. So I'm not sure why my MIL would choose to buy me a blanket for Christmas but buy my SIL at least 5 nice items. I'm a heck of a lot closer to her. I didn't expect such an impersonal gift. We all open gifts together and needless to say, I was a bit embarrassed that I received a throw while my counterpart kept pulling out nice hand lotions, cosmetics and a dress. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but she made me feel like she was sending a message. I would've felt bad even if the tables were turned. I always go out of my way to buy gifts that will be appreciated. I take the recipient into mind as well as who will open up what where and in front of whom. Unfortunately, this happened on a few occasions. I don't know what gives. But I'm ready to get out of here. As much as I love MIL sometimes some of her actions seem a bit passive aggressive.

Your SIL is your MIL's daughter. You are not her "counterpart." You are your MIL's daughter-in-law. If you come to the table with that expectation instead of "I'm the exact same as a daughter," you'll probably be able to relax and go with the flow more.

Anonymous wrote:OP- it sounds like your MIL gave you the best gift of all - a sign of her true character. I think a lot of posters here are trying to play devils advocate or want you to feel crazy, but it is a general social rule that you keep gifts equal across "same level" family members- if you are both DILs by marriage, it should be equal. . Either your MIL is socially inappropriate or as you are thinking, being passive aggressive. How would all of these posters feel if one grandchild got a much better present than other grandchildren? If you're an employer, giving one employee a much more expensive gift than the other employees? Feelings are feelings and if your gut says somethings wrong, it probably is. Consider this a learning lesson for the future.

Anonymous wrote:I'm extremely close to my inlaws. So I'm not sure why my MIL would choose to buy me a blanket for Christmas but buy my SIL at least 5 nice items. I'm a heck of a lot closer to her. I didn't expect such an impersonal gift. We all open gifts together and needless to say, I was a bit embarrassed that I received a throw while my counterpart kept pulling out nice hand lotions, cosmetics and a dress. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but she made me feel like she was sending a message. I would've felt bad even if the tables were turned. I always go out of my way to buy gifts that will be appreciated. I take the recipient into mind as well as who will open up what where and in front of whom. Unfortunately, this happened on a few occasions. I don't know what gives. But I'm ready to get out of here. As much as I love MIL sometimes some of her actions seem a bit passive aggressive.