How did you not notice 20k worth of stuff

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Total troll story. If her dad was giving her 20k a year for clothing, I call BS she was a nanny. The wealthiest nanny on earth!

This doesn't necessarily mean anything. Not all nannies are from poor backgrounds. Some people do jobs because they like working !

- nanny who makes 60k/ year

Princess Disna was a Preschool teacher, just saying.

Huge difference between a preschool teacher and a nanny.

I don't think there's a huge difference. I'm op and my wife did both. She worked as a nanny while she was in undergrad/ grad school and then taught at a Montessori preschool for a few years after. Preschool teaching is much easier because the day is shorter. I think she actually made more $ being a nanny. She also saved a lot because she lived with the family until we got married.

Op here: I'm not mad. Just surprised I'm finding this out 5 years later.I expect the additional money she will inherit from her dad after to be substantial.I was surprised when I found out how much money her grandparents left us last year. Let's just say we no longer have to save for college. Btw, the $500/ monthly was her idea.

Anonymous wrote:it is certainly an unusual situation (just like sex 3x/day) but I don't see anything too wrong with it

What happens if dad's money dries out? Or if dad dies and leaves you nothing? Or if dad leaves you money that DW goes through in 3 years? Now DW's spending habit that has built up over years is DH's problem alone, and there's not enough cash to support it. WTF do you do then?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Total troll story. If her dad was giving her 20k a year for clothing, I call BS she was a nanny. The wealthiest nanny on earth!

This doesn't necessarily mean anything. Not all nannies are from poor backgrounds. Some people do jobs because they like working !

- nanny who makes 60k/ year

Princess Disna was a Preschool teacher, just saying.

Huge difference between a preschool teacher and a nanny.

Anonymous wrote:it is certainly an unusual situation (just like sex 3x/day) but I don't see anything too wrong with it

Yeah, who cares? It's a little weird that you "give her an allowance" and maybe she feels a little controlled by that, so she's "saved" the money -- altho as PP pointed out it's shared assets at this point.

But who really cares if her dad likes to pay her CC bill? Maybe I'm just jealous, but that sounds nice. And it's one less bill for you to pay!

FWIW -- when I stayed at home, my DH salary was "our" money and when I worked, my paycheck went into the same communal pot. The allowance thing seems infantilizing to me.

The problem here is she is used to spending $20K/year on stuff you probably feel you don't need and, on your salaries alone, can't afford. What happens when her father dies? Either he leaves you all a bunch of money that you might want to invest and she might want to spend, or he leaves you not enough money to keep the gravy train rolling for your wife and she starts to want to spend your own cash on this stuff.

I think you should talk to your wife (and maybe your FIL?) about this aspect of things. She is building a spending habit here that will outlast her dad, probably, and then it will be your problem.

DW is probably the meanest mom on the playground.

I'll bet she judges all the other moms who shop at Target and Payless and live on a budget to feel superior.

Just remember: if there's a cognitive disconnect because you somehow magically failed to notice all the stuff in her closets, you were passively participating by not bothering to notice.

We may not necessarily "be" who we marry, but we all have a duty to notice what our partners do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Total troll story. If her dad was giving her 20k a year for clothing, I call BS she was a nanny. The wealthiest nanny on earth!

This doesn't necessarily mean anything. Not all nannies are from poor backgrounds. Some people do jobs because they like working !

- nanny who makes 60k/ year

Princess Diana was a nanny when she was young. There's nothing wrong with it. My 20 year old cousin nannies and her parents are wealthy. She just happens to like kids.

I also don't think she was being secretive; she probably doesn't care to go into any details because they're immaterial and it's what she's always done.

Tiger woods ex wife was a nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Total troll story. If her dad was giving her 20k a year for clothing, I call BS she was a nanny. The wealthiest nanny on earth!

This doesn't necessarily mean anything. Not all nannies are from poor backgrounds. Some people do jobs because they like working !

- nanny who makes 60k/ year

Princess Disna was a Preschool teacher, just saying.

Why would you even be upset? It's free gifted money.

Would it be better for you if your wife picked out something online and had dad pay the bill?

Who cares that her father wants to give her money. I'd be more upset that I didn't know about it. What else you don't know about?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest question: why in the world do women want to be a nanny? What's so appealing about it?

Um, they like kids. It's fun and doesn't feel like a job.

Pick the right family and you get so much more than your salary and benefits. My DD went to Europe with one family. Her BFF is in the Caribbean right now with another family. My DD works retail now and says it is a thousand times physically harder. Even in a store that caters to the wealthy. She doesn't do any cleaning or stocking, but she has lost weight from the Christmas bustle.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Total troll story. If her dad was giving her 20k a year for clothing, I call BS she was a nanny. The wealthiest nanny on earth!

Another nanny here. I grew up among the elite, private schools and international travel every year. Perhaps you're confusing nannies like me, with your sitter. Huge difference.

+1

My DD nannied for a while. We're just MC, but many girls she met were UMC and didn't want to work retail or go to grad school while waiting to marry their bfs who were in law or business school. There are a ton of perks to nannying for a wealthy family. My DD was often given never worn with tags high end clothing by the moms, had use of a luxury car, and ate gourmet meals.

it is certainly an unusual situation (just like sex 3x/day) but I don't see anything too wrong with it