Happened to me last year while Christmas shopping with my friend. We finished shopping, walked out to the parking lot, sat in the car exchanging Christmas gifts. I felt the rumble, the cramp.. I let out some gas getting into the car which unfortunately chased me inside, but my friend was too polite to mention it. He opened his gifts and I opened mine, the whole time trying to forget what was happening in my colon, but I KNEW it was about to get real. I said really fast "Oh, thanks so much, I love the gift. Could you please drive me up to the Target right now? I need to go to the bathroom." He did it but grumbled that I should have gone before we left the building. I RAN into the bathroom, barely made it, and just as I was worrying about the noise factor, someone turned on the hand dryer! It was AMAZING timing. Thank you, Target shopper, for preserving my dignity that day.

Anonymous wrote:Happened to me...in my own yard. I was out running errands and suddenly the urge hit. I was in a rental car, btw, my car was being serviced. I could barely hold it to home. Got home and realized my keys and garage door opener were in my car at the shop. I had to run to my back yard behind the bushes and had God-awful diarrhea. It was terrible. I had nothing to clean up my self up with, either. I was able to clean up the yard and stuck it in the yard waste container. Luckily, the next day was trash day and I haven't thought about that incident until just now.

Do you tip the garbage workers!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me during my morning commute not long ago. Driving down 270, horrible traffic, and unexpectedly the low, urgent siren song of my bowels came calling. I was able to make it to an exit in Germantown, and pulled into the Whole Foods parking garage, thinking I might be able to make it in to the store. But no. It was not to be. The massive relief of being so close to the restroom triggered some kind of primordial "relaxation" reflex, and I had to go right then, right there. I had an empty canvas tote bag in my car, and grabbed that, and pulled down my pants and squatted next to my car in the garage for sweet relief. Luckily there were not many people in the vicinity. I put the tote bag in a garbage can and felt horrible about the situation I had created for the person who had to empty the can, but I could not think of a better solution.

What good thinking!

Where is the Whole Foods in Germantown?

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me during my morning commute not long ago. Driving down 270, horrible traffic, and unexpectedly the low, urgent siren song of my bowels came calling. I was able to make it to an exit in Germantown, and pulled into the Whole Foods parking garage, thinking I might be able to make it in to the store. But no. It was not to be. The massive relief of being so close to the restroom triggered some kind of primordial "relaxation" reflex, and I had to go right then, right there. I had an empty canvas tote bag in my car, and grabbed that, and pulled down my pants and squatted next to my car in the garage for sweet relief. Luckily there were not many people in the vicinity. I put the tote bag in a garbage can and felt horrible about the situation I had created for the person who had to empty the can, but I could not think of a better solution.

What good thinking!

This thread reminded me of this SNL skit. Relevant to thread at 1:25.

https://video.yahoo.com/wade-blasingame-call-wade-000000326.html

My dad was running once and had to go - only place available was the outside of the house where hundreds of people were visiting because the owner insisted the Virgin Mary had appeared In her window. It was quite the news story for a while and my poor dad had to find a big tree on the property. BTW - he only told us this story after my confession that while training for a half marathon I made the mistake of switching my usual pre-run half a banana for oatmeal. At mile 12 I really regretted that choice.

I was running once and knew I couldn't hold it any longer, I ended up doing my #2 in the woods right off the sidewalk. It was in broad daylight in a suburban area, but I just thank god that there were no cars/people going by that saw me take my detour both in and out of the woods. Since then, I always take into consideration bathroom stops for any run that I plan on doing greater than 5 miles.

Anonymous wrote:This can't be real.

Why? I would imagine this has happened to most runners at least once.

This is why we would all do well to keep some baby wipes and plastic bags in the trunk of all our vehicles.

This happened to an aunt of mine a couple months ago. We were on Brink Rd. coming back from Germantown to Olney and there was no restroom along the way because it's all residential streets. She couldn't wait and hold it in any longer (plus she's over 75) so she grabbed a plastic bag and a couple sheets of old newspaper because we didn't have baby wipes in the car at the time. It was awful. She didn't have anywhere to throw it out and definitely didn't want to leave it in someone's yard so she insisted on bringing it back INTO the car, we have an SUV, so the stench was present for the rest of the ride back. It was awful!! We had to Lysol and spray a shit ton of room spray into the vehicle to make it non-noticeable. She felt awful about it, but there was truly no other option for restrooms along the way, and it was during rush hour so we were backed up to a sea of red lights for a while.

Never again.

Plastic bags and baby wipes on hand at all times. I keep a travel size baby wipe pack and plastic bag in my handbag as well. Never can be too prepared for whatever shit comes your way!!

I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Thanks for the hilarious stories!

I really needed this laugh, even though it hurt to laugh. I've spent the week in bed recovering from surgery. Plus I'm constipated from the meds - ha.

Anonymous wrote:Some things are better kept to yourself.

Like a #2

OP, just view it as a practice session for being on Survivor!

But it does happen, and thank heavens I am not the only one this has happenned to. Once when I was out with friends at lunch and had to throw away my spanx, and the other time in a work meeting where I just picked up and RAN! Barely made it. I think its my vegetarian diet.

Anonymous wrote:I feel bad for the people whose yard you crapped in. Send them an anonymous gift card or something!

oh I think that some things are better off forgotten. Completely. Like it never happened. (shudder)