Anonymous
12/11/2015 13:00
Subject: Re:Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?
I do understand and it hadn't unlike my vulture. That doesn't mean that it isn't racist.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The same could be said of any religion, ethnicity and race. That doesn't mean it isn't racist.Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.
I don't think you quite understand. In the west marriage is seen as a union btw 2 individuals. In India it is a union of two families and an active long relationship with them. It's just a beautiful thing really, despite hurdles. I'm not saying that can't happen between these two families. Its just so much easier to maintain these relationships when you can relate culturally.
Anonymous
12/11/2015 12:31
Subject: Re:Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?
Anonymous wrote:The same could be said of any religion, ethnicity and race. That doesn't mean it isn't racist.Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.
I don't think you quite understand. In the west marriage is seen as a union btw 2 individuals. In India it is a union of two families and an active long relationship with them. It's just a beautiful thing really, despite hurdles. I'm not saying that can't happen between these two families. Its just so much easier to maintain these relationships when you can relate culturally.
Anonymous
12/11/2015 12:20
Subject: Re:Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?
This is solely the fault of the families who think they have the right to determine and enforce the choices of their adult children and siblings. If they truly lived and respected them, they would never try to manipulate their lives.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.
So you can't be bigoted? Interesting.
OP here.
I deeply resent being called a "bigot" and the other awful comments thrown my way on this thread. There is a lot more at play here than simply the fact that he's white or christian. There is a MASSIVE culture and lifestyle gap between my family and a regular white western family.
Okay, so my sister gets along with this guy. But do they have similar values? Goals? Outlooks? How will they raise their children? What about the fact that our family doesn't drink or party and his family is made up of loud drinking parties. How will the two families ever socialize when they get together? ETC.
It sets up a couple for a lifelong struggle.
My sister likes to think that she's very different from us. You know, maybe she is. But her dating this guy seriously and stepping out of our culture and traditions and associating with a family that is SO FUNDAMENTALLY different than us just means that we will not be involved in her life.
Ok OP, so you are racist, xenophobic and a bigot against other religions. Paint it any color you like, but that's what you are describing.
Actually, the OP is right. Lots of couples marry but then spend their marriage dealing with in-law conflicts due to cultural differences, etc. because they naievely thought that they could blend their families.
Relationships are built on mutual love and respect and boundaries. Sometimes those boundaries and expectations mean not significantly stepping outside of a mutually understood culture and tradition. When an adult child chooses to violate the terms and conditions of said relationship expectations and boundaries, it is only natural their relations with the rest of their family will suffer.
My parents are the type to go be mean to her or disown her or force her into anything. They just won't be excited for her or support her emotionally in this decision. To force them to act otherwise isn't right.
Anonymous
12/11/2015 12:16
Subject: Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My sister is dating a white Catholic guy. My parents and family have no idea. She told me and I blew up at her. I'm so disappointed that she'd take an action that would upset our parents and family. We are a conservative Indian family. Her decision would break my parents hearts. She says I'm a bad sister for not supporting her. I just feel bad for my parents.
P.s I myself have dated white guys in the past and my parents never knew. My sister always supported me.
Seriously, you are a bitch. She's doing EXACTLY what you did. It was okay when you did it, because your parents didn't know. She's doing the same thing, and your parents don't know. Frankly, if she tells them, I have a lot more respect for her. You lied and hid things from your parents, but you expect other people to live their lives based on what your parents would think?
WOW. So, If I smoke and tell my sister not to smoke, I'm a bitch?If I jump into a well, my sister should follow?
Just because I didn't make the best decision does not mean what I have to say is of no value. I bring up important valid points. If she chooses to go ahead and marry into this family, she shouldn't expect to keep close to her own as she will have hurt too many people and burnt too many bridges. This, at 24, seems like a perfectly fine option for her. I just think she'll regret it later.
Anonymous
12/11/2015 12:15
Subject: Re:Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.
So you can't be bigoted? Interesting.
OP here.
I deeply resent being called a "bigot" and the other awful comments thrown my way on this thread. There is a lot more at play here than simply the fact that he's white or christian. There is a MASSIVE culture and lifestyle gap between my family and a regular white western family.
Okay, so my sister gets along with this guy. But do they have similar values? Goals? Outlooks? How will they raise their children? What about the fact that our family doesn't drink or party and his family is made up of loud drinking parties. How will the two families ever socialize when they get together? ETC.
It sets up a couple for a lifelong struggle.
My sister likes to think that she's very different from us. You know, maybe she is. But her dating this guy seriously and stepping out of our culture and traditions and associating with a family that is SO FUNDAMENTALLY different than us just means that we will not be involved in her life.
Ok OP, so you are racist, xenophobic and a bigot against other religions. Paint it any color you like, but that's what you are describing.
Actually, the OP is right. Lots of couples marry but then spend their marriage dealing with in-law conflicts due to cultural differences, etc. because they naievely thought that they could blend their families.
Anonymous
12/11/2015 12:12
Subject: Re:Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?
You do realize it is her life and thus, she is not obligated to live the way others in your family choose to live. It is called being an adult and making your own choices and not just doing what your parents expect of you.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.
So you can't be bigoted? Interesting.
OP here.
I deeply resent being called a "bigot" and the other awful comments thrown my way on this thread. There is a lot more at play here than simply the fact that he's white or christian. There is a MASSIVE culture and lifestyle gap between my family and a regular white western family.
Okay, so my sister gets along with this guy. But do they have similar values? Goals? Outlooks? How will they raise their children? What about the fact that our family doesn't drink or party and his family is made up of loud drinking parties. How will the two families ever socialize when they get together? ETC.
It sets up a couple for a lifelong struggle.
My sister likes to think that she's very different from us. You know, maybe she is. But her dating this guy seriously and stepping out of our culture and traditions and associating with a family that is SO FUNDAMENTALLY different than us just means that we will not be involved in her life.
Anonymous
12/11/2015 12:09
Subject: Re:Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?
The same could be said of any religion, ethnicity and race. That doesn't mean it isn't racist.Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.
Anonymous
12/11/2015 12:08
Subject: Re:Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.
So you can't be bigoted? Interesting.
OP here.
I deeply resent being called a "bigot" and the other awful comments thrown my way on this thread. There is a lot more at play here than simply the fact that he's white or christian. There is a MASSIVE culture and lifestyle gap between my family and a regular white western family.
Okay, so my sister gets along with this guy. But do they have similar values? Goals? Outlooks? How will they raise their children? What about the fact that our family doesn't drink or party and his family is made up of loud drinking parties. How will the two families ever socialize when they get together? ETC.
It sets up a couple for a lifelong struggle.
My sister likes to think that she's very different from us. You know, maybe she is. But her dating this guy seriously and stepping out of our culture and traditions and associating with a family that is SO FUNDAMENTALLY different than us just means that we will not be involved in her life.
Then stop talking like one.
None of the obstacles and issues you have identified are unique to your cultural background. Lots of couples are from different cultural, religious, and ethnic backgrounds. Generally, these situations work out best when both the couple and their extended families are respectful, tolerant, and kind. That your family is not will surely make your sister's life harder. But if you make her choose, don't be surprised if she doesn't choose you.
Anonymous
12/11/2015 12:04
Subject: Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So it's okay for you to upset your parents, but not her?
OP here. My parents never knew.
They don't know about your sister. What's the difference?
They don't know yet. But the guy has introduced her to his family and his family even sent her a holiday card.
This seems serious. And it upsets me that she is fraternizing with her boyfriends family while our entire family is in the dark.
So, you dated white guys, and hid it from your family, and that was okay. But your sister is dating white guys, and hiding it from your family, and that's not okay, because she's meeting his family and not just screwing around.
Anonymous
12/11/2015 12:03
Subject: Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?
Anonymous wrote:My sister is dating a white Catholic guy. My parents and family have no idea. She told me and I blew up at her. I'm so disappointed that she'd take an action that would upset our parents and family. We are a conservative Indian family. Her decision would break my parents hearts. She says I'm a bad sister for not supporting her. I just feel bad for my parents.
P.s I myself have dated white guys in the past and my parents never knew. My sister always supported me.
Seriously, you are a bitch. She's doing EXACTLY what you did. It was okay when you did it, because your parents didn't know. She's doing the same thing, and your parents don't know. Frankly, if she tells them, I have a lot more respect for her. You lied and hid things from your parents, but you expect other people to live their lives based on what your parents would think?
Anonymous
12/11/2015 12:00
Subject: Re:Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.
So you can't be bigoted? Interesting.
OP here.
I deeply resent being called a "bigot" and the other awful comments thrown my way on this thread. There is a lot more at play here than simply the fact that he's white or christian. There is a MASSIVE culture and lifestyle gap between my family and a regular white western family.
Okay, so my sister gets along with this guy. But do they have similar values? Goals? Outlooks? How will they raise their children? What about the fact that our family doesn't drink or party and his family is made up of loud drinking parties. How will the two families ever socialize when they get together? ETC.
It sets up a couple for a lifelong struggle.
My sister likes to think that she's very different from us. You know, maybe she is. But her dating this guy seriously and stepping out of our culture and traditions and associating with a family that is SO FUNDAMENTALLY different than us just means that we will not be involved in her life.
Ok OP, so you are racist, xenophobic and a bigot against other religions. Paint it any color you like, but that's what you are describing.
Actually, the OP is right. Lots of couples marry but then spend their marriage dealing with in-law conflicts due to cultural differences, etc. because they naievely thought that they could blend their families.
It's true that this can be an issue in a marriage, and it's not unique to any specific ethnic or religious group. But it's different to talk to your sister about the issues that she might face and encourage her and her boyfriend to think about and discuss them, v. saying that she's wrong for even dating this guy, and threatening to cut her off if they were to get married. Apparently his family is open to her, since she's going to meet them, etc. Your family, on the other hand, has closed the door before he even knocked.
