Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 16:11     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
Not regularly. My parents can't afford it. Sometimes they insisted on paying for a specific activity for the grandkids. The first December after my divorce, they financed the entire Christmas celebration. When I was temporarily disabled, my dad paid two months rent. I've not only repaid them, but helped them out financially other times.

As a child, we depended on handouts from middle class relatives because my mother was very ill with cancer and my father had left us. I was thankful for the help, but hated the feeling of being rescued.

I've worked since I was 12 and often held multiple jobs. My hope is that my children can each make it earning one income.

Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 16:07     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:i would be ashamed to let my parents pay for my kid's college tuition if they were still alive. Have some pride people!


Why? I don't understand this. If your parents were multi-millionaires and asked you if you would accept a trust set up in your children's names to fund their college education, you ~ knowing that it would be one more avenue of estate planning for them AND would make your life easier ~ allowing you to be more generous now, spend more time with your family now, volunteer more now, travel more now ~ You would say, no thanks? Shove it mom and dad? Lets also assume that your parents are huge philanthropists, say, had their own charitable foundations set up? Literally, foundations?


People that make comments like the one you were responding to are, frankly, ignorant, uneducated and jealous. Anyone with an ounce of sense would accept in the situation you described.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 16:07     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
Anonymous wrote:If your parents have more money than they could ever spend in a lifetime they should set up a scholarship fund for kids who don't have all the opportunities that, presumably, their grandchildren have had.


And lets say that they have already done that. And funded the arts. And hospitals. And underdeveloped nations. And that they were religious and donated heavily to different religious causes. Still, a big no thanks because, ? Why again?
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 16:06     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
Anonymous wrote:i would be ashamed to let my parents pay for my kid's college tuition if they were still alive. Have some pride people!


Why? I don't understand this. If your parents were multi-millionaires and asked you if you would accept a trust set up in your children's names to fund their college education, you ~ knowing that it would be one more avenue of estate planning for them AND would make your life easier ~ allowing you to be more generous now, spend more time with your family now, volunteer more now, travel more now ~ You would say, no thanks? Shove it mom and dad? Lets also assume that your parents are huge philanthropists, say, had their own charitable foundations set up? Literally, foundations?
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 16:05     Subject: Re:Do you accept financial help from your family?
Anonymous wrote:We don't accept financial help because DH and I live lives we can afford on our salaries. I know my parents would help if we had a major financial crisis like long-term unemployment, major medical bills, etc. but the greatest gift they give us is just that they are financially well off to not need us to help them (That was not the case with our ILs who have now passed away).

We recently did a big home renovation and we could cover the whole thing ourselves but my parents did distribute to us at that time my share of an inheritance from my grandmother (my dad happened to sell her property around the same time). DH initially though the money was coming as "help" from my parents and didn't want to accept it. When he understood it wasn't parental charity but an inheritance he was OK with it.

I think there is a big difference between a parent regularly subsidizing their kids in living a life they can't afford on their own vs. occasional generous gifts, grandkids education, etc. If your parents are paying your cellphone bill or your mortgage payment you need to grow up and start living within your means. It's just infantilizing. Have some self-respect.


No one on this thread is disagreeing with your last paragraph.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 16:04     Subject: Re:Do you accept financial help from your family?
We don't accept financial help because DH and I live lives we can afford on our salaries. I know my parents would help if we had a major financial crisis like long-term unemployment, major medical bills, etc. but the greatest gift they give us is just that they are financially well off to not need us to help them (That was not the case with our ILs who have now passed away).

We recently did a big home renovation and we could cover the whole thing ourselves but my parents did distribute to us at that time my share of an inheritance from my grandmother (my dad happened to sell her property around the same time). DH initially though the money was coming as "help" from my parents and didn't want to accept it. When he understood it wasn't parental charity but an inheritance he was OK with it.

I think there is a big difference between a parent regularly subsidizing their kids in living a life they can't afford on their own vs. occasional generous gifts, grandkids education, etc. If your parents are paying your cellphone bill or your mortgage payment you need to grow up and start living within your means. It's just infantilizing. Have some self-respect.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 16:01     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
Anonymous wrote:i would be ashamed to let my parents pay for my kid's college tuition if they were still alive. Have some pride people!


Such a stupid comment. Assuming your parents can afford it, why would you force your child to start out life shouldering debt when he or she did not have to?
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 16:01     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
If your parents have more money than they could ever spend in a lifetime they should set up a scholarship fund for kids who don't have all the opportunities that, presumably, their grandchildren have had.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 16:00     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40's. No, I would never accept financial help from my family. I can support myself. I honestly can't fathom and have SO little respect for the posters above who are adults and who have their parents subsidizing their lifestyles. Gross.



Don't you get the fact that maybe the parents want to give the money? Especially while they are able to see the positive effect it has on their children and grandchildren while they are still alive. My parents are both passed now but it gave them real pleasure to slip me the occasional check for "big birthdays" and anniversaries. And I appreciated the gestures - the money was given and received with more love, and meant more to me, than the funds I got from the lawyers when their estate was wound up after they passed. My parents were at least financially comfortable and there were no strings attached to the gifts. Nor was it a case of subsidizing my lifestyle - more a case of them enjoying seeing and hearing of the results of their generosity. I fully intend to do the same for my children.

Sorry PP if generosity makes you queasy - to some of us it is an expression of thoughtfulness, care and doing the best we can for our loved ones.


PP here. I think there's a big difference between financial help and generous gifts. I said that I had little respect for the PP's above who have parents subsidizing their lifestyles -- like, they could normally only afford to live in a regular middle class house, but they have parents who bought them a 2 million dollar home, or who accept cars, regular rent payments, that sort of thing. The idea of giving and receiving generous gifts occasionally is lovely -- like, grandparents splurging on a big family cruise or something.

I have so many peers who live way above their means because they still expect "help" from their parents every month...and we're in our 40's! It's this extended adolescents, extended dependency on the generation before us, and basically living off other people's work that makes me pretty sick.

In your case, as you said, it's not subsidizing your lifestyle, so I wasn't criticizing you personally.

(I do have a general bias against inherited wealth in general. I'm all about enjoying it in your lifetime and raising kids who can earn their own wealth in theirs!)
so if you earned or inherited a significant amount of money in your lifetime, you would not want your children to benefit from not once you passed away? You would rather the money all go to the government? In your lifetime, you would not want to help your children and grandchildren live in a safer neighborhood or go to better schools? I just can't fathom that.


So if you earned or inherited a significant amount of money in your lifetime, you would not want your children to benefit from that once you pass away? You would rather the money all go to the government? In your lifetime, you would not want to help your children and grandchildren live in a safer neighborhood or go to better schools? what if helping with some major expenses - like student loan debt, no one is talking about a yacht here - allow them to do a low paying job for the greater good rather than one that just pays the bills? What if there are significant special needs to take into account?

I just can't imagine pride or some fanciful notion of socialist equality getting in the way of helping my family when they need it.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 16:00     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
i would be ashamed to let my parents pay for my kid's college tuition if they were still alive. Have some pride people!
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 15:55     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40's. No, I would never accept financial help from my family. I can support myself. I honestly can't fathom and have SO little respect for the posters above who are adults and who have their parents subsidizing their lifestyles. Gross.



Don't you get the fact that maybe the parents want to give the money? Especially while they are able to see the positive effect it has on their children and grandchildren while they are still alive. My parents are both passed now but it gave them real pleasure to slip me the occasional check for "big birthdays" and anniversaries. And I appreciated the gestures - the money was given and received with more love, and meant more to me, than the funds I got from the lawyers when their estate was wound up after they passed. My parents were at least financially comfortable and there were no strings attached to the gifts. Nor was it a case of subsidizing my lifestyle - more a case of them enjoying seeing and hearing of the results of their generosity. I fully intend to do the same for my children.

Sorry PP if generosity makes you queasy - to some of us it is an expression of thoughtfulness, care and doing the best we can for our loved ones.


PP here. I think there's a big difference between financial help and generous gifts. I said that I had little respect for the PP's above who have parents subsidizing their lifestyles -- like, they could normally only afford to live in a regular middle class house, but they have parents who bought them a 2 million dollar home, or who accept cars, regular rent payments, that sort of thing. The idea of giving and receiving generous gifts occasionally is lovely -- like, grandparents splurging on a big family cruise or something.

I have so many peers who live way above their means because they still expect "help" from their parents every month...and we're in our 40's! It's this extended adolescents, extended dependency on the generation before us, and basically living off other people's work that makes me pretty sick.

In your case, as you said, it's not subsidizing your lifestyle, so I wasn't criticizing you personally.

(I do have a general bias against inherited wealth in general. I'm all about enjoying it in your lifetime and raising kids who can earn their own wealth in theirs!)



My parents have more money than they could ever spend in a lifetime. They would rather help us out now, when we have high expenses from child care, schooling, etc., which allows us to take jobs that let us see our kids more, travel more, etc. The more they give us while they are alive, the less that goes to taxes. I would think that your bias against inherited wealth would mean you prefer parents help out children while the parents are alive, thus leaving less to inherit?
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 15:53     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
I would accept it for private school tuition. but they haven't offered it. My FIL though is committed to paying for DD college tuition in another 15 years which is HUGE.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 15:50     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40's. No, I would never accept financial help from my family. I can support myself. I honestly can't fathom and have SO little respect for the posters above who are adults and who have their parents subsidizing their lifestyles. Gross.



Don't you get the fact that maybe the parents want to give the money? Especially while they are able to see the positive effect it has on their children and grandchildren while they are still alive. My parents are both passed now but it gave them real pleasure to slip me the occasional check for "big birthdays" and anniversaries. And I appreciated the gestures - the money was given and received with more love, and meant more to me, than the funds I got from the lawyers when their estate was wound up after they passed. My parents were at least financially comfortable and there were no strings attached to the gifts. Nor was it a case of subsidizing my lifestyle - more a case of them enjoying seeing and hearing of the results of their generosity. I fully intend to do the same for my children.

Sorry PP if generosity makes you queasy - to some of us it is an expression of thoughtfulness, care and doing the best we can for our loved ones.


PP here. I think there's a big difference between financial help and generous gifts. I said that I had little respect for the PP's above who have parents subsidizing their lifestyles -- like, they could normally only afford to live in a regular middle class house, but they have parents who bought them a 2 million dollar home, or who accept cars, regular rent payments, that sort of thing. The idea of giving and receiving generous gifts occasionally is lovely -- like, grandparents splurging on a big family cruise or something.

I have so many peers who live way above their means because they still expect "help" from their parents every month...and we're in our 40's! It's this extended adolescents, extended dependency on the generation before us, and basically living off other people's work that makes me pretty sick.

In your case, as you said, it's not subsidizing your lifestyle, so I wasn't criticizing you personally.

(I do have a general bias against inherited wealth in general. I'm all about enjoying it in your lifetime and raising kids who can earn their own wealth in theirs!)



But what if you have quite literally made more than you can enjoy in your lifetime? You would probably judge someone with a very (very) extravagant lifestyle, say, three houses and three country clubs……but you wouldn't judge them judiciously and wisely passing that wealth along to their descendants? What if it went to trusts to fund their college educations? Why not? You would rather watch your kids struggle? I honestly don't understand that mindset.

Hookers and blow, y'all, hookers and blow.

Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 15:46     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 40's. No, I would never accept financial help from my family. I can support myself. I honestly can't fathom and have SO little respect for the posters above who are adults and who have their parents subsidizing their lifestyles. Gross.



Don't you get the fact that maybe the parents want to give the money? Especially while they are able to see the positive effect it has on their children and grandchildren while they are still alive. My parents are both passed now but it gave them real pleasure to slip me the occasional check for "big birthdays" and anniversaries. And I appreciated the gestures - the money was given and received with more love, and meant more to me, than the funds I got from the lawyers when their estate was wound up after they passed. My parents were at least financially comfortable and there were no strings attached to the gifts. Nor was it a case of subsidizing my lifestyle - more a case of them enjoying seeing and hearing of the results of their generosity. I fully intend to do the same for my children.

Sorry PP if generosity makes you queasy - to some of us it is an expression of thoughtfulness, care and doing the best we can for our loved ones.


PP here. I think there's a big difference between financial help and generous gifts. I said that I had little respect for the PP's above who have parents subsidizing their lifestyles -- like, they could normally only afford to live in a regular middle class house, but they have parents who bought them a 2 million dollar home, or who accept cars, regular rent payments, that sort of thing. The idea of giving and receiving generous gifts occasionally is lovely -- like, grandparents splurging on a big family cruise or something.

I have so many peers who live way above their means because they still expect "help" from their parents every month...and we're in our 40's! It's this extended adolescents, extended dependency on the generation before us, and basically living off other people's work that makes me pretty sick.

In your case, as you said, it's not subsidizing your lifestyle, so I wasn't criticizing you personally.

(I do have a general bias against inherited wealth in general. I'm all about enjoying it in your lifetime and raising kids who can earn their own wealth in theirs!)

Anonymous
Post 12/03/2015 15:34     Subject: Do you accept financial help from your family?
My dad gave us my mother's 10 yo car when she died, but otherwise no.