OP, I was in your situation about 9 months ago. I know how you feel. I know it's hard, but the PP who said to "ghost him" is 100% right. I didn't and things really blew up in my face. Please learn from my mistakes.

Completely ghost him.
In 6 months, if you still feel the need to tell his wife, DON'T tell her about YOU. You say he is probably cheating with someone else now too (and I will bet you are right!) so see if you can find out about that and tell her about THAT.
How could she have discovered about the two of you? Did you communicate through phone/texts? Tell her to check the phone bills. Did you often meet in a certain place? Tell her to check there. Give her evidence (not YOUR texts/emails) that people know intimate details about her husband---if he has a birthmark or scar in an intimate place, details about the bedroom that someone would only know if they've been in there, does he prefer a certain brand/type of underwear that is distinctive (that was the case in my situation), etc. But make sure this info does not lead to YOU specifically.

You want her to find out about the other women--not YOU. She can make your life hell--are you married? She could tell your husband. If not, she could tell your parents, your co-workers, etc. and just make everyone else in your life lose respect for you.

Anonymous wrote:And next time a married man tells you he's not having sex with his wife, tell him you have a bridge to sell him.

It seems to me there are tons of married men on this site NOT HAVING SEX with their wives .... so .... maybe some of those unfaithful husbands actually are being honest?

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it's a crisis of conscience as much as I suddenly realized he'd been lying to me. I was reading here actually a post where a woman said her husband had told his OW they never had sex when in fact they were having sex 3 to 5 times a week.

That made me think about him and I started to realize he could have been lying to me about sexlessness in order to sleep with me. I thought she didn't like sex so in my mind - I know it's twisted - but I felt like I wasn't doing something very wrong to her if I was just doing something with him that she didn't want to do anyway.

But I've caught him in lies before, I know he lies a lot, and that post just made me think about the times he's talked about their sex life and how he could have been following my lead in what to say.

You didn't "suddenly realize he'd been lying" to you. Because you "caught him in lies before." You just wanted to believe he wasn't lying about THIS, i.e. that he was probably sleeping with his wife AND that what you were doing wasn't right or justified in anyway (not that any kind of infidelity can be justified -- if his wife wasn't sleeping with him, he had a duty to work on that situation or ask for a divorce, not cheat on her.)

Here's the thing OP, you've been lying to yourself. You can be mad at your AP, but his lies couldn't have carried him so far if you hadn't also been willing to lie to yourself. He lied to you by saying sex with his wife was nonexistent, but you lied to yourself when you believed such an unlikely thing and when you told yourself that it meant that sleeping with him was not wrong.

You also lied to yourself when you knew that he was lying about many other things, but you insisted on believing that he wasn't sleeping with his wife.

You really have to take responsibility for your own willingness to live in the land of self-delusion. It might feel better to be mad at him for lying, but you've not done much different. In a way, you can say that you've done something far more crippling -- you've lied to yourself.

OP, I'm an OW, I know how you feel, it's about revenge and nothing else, I've been there. Just walk away, maintain the last shred of dignity you have and walk. The satisfaction that you're hoping to get will be very short lived, that is if you get any at all. Sometimes you are the dog and sometimes you're the hydrant. Chock this up to a hydrant situation and just move on. Don't even have a break up or tell him goodbye, just ghost him, that's enough of a revenge and it will give you the upper hand that you are looking for.

And next time a married man tells you he's not having sex with his wife, tell him you have a bridge to sell him.

I was cheated on. In all honesty, I'd rather he never told me. Doing so relieves his guilt but fucks me royally. Eff that! Let him leave with the guilt of what he's done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it's a crisis of conscience as much as I suddenly realized he'd been lying to me. I was reading here actually a post where a woman said her husband had told his OW they never had sex when in fact they were having sex 3 to 5 times a week.

That made me think about him and I started to realize he could have been lying to me about sexlessness in order to sleep with me. I thought she didn't like sex so in my mind - I know it's twisted - but I felt like I wasn't doing something very wrong to her if I was just doing something with him that she didn't want to do anyway.

But I've caught him in lies before, I know he lies a lot, and that post just made me think about the times he's talked about their sex life and how he could have been following my lead in what to say.

Here's the crux. You want to punish him by telling the wife. Stop it. You can't know whether or not she knows or wants to know. You are going to destroy her life because you want some kind of petty revenge on him.

Let it go. Walk away.

It's all about you OP. You need to stop being selfish. Move on & don't tell the wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sleeping with him may also ease your guilt.

+1

+100

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Butt out, leave this family alone. It's not your place to cause more distruction.

Sure OP, tell his wife, bust up his children's lives while you are at it. Like a pp said, maybe she already knows and doesn't care. Or totally in denial or 100 other reasons.

Not OP, but if she already knows and doesn't care then no harm done, right? Being told her husband is cheating doesn't have to bust up anyone's life. If she wants to continue with the status quo then she certainly can. If she doesn't want to live in this kind of situation then she will be glad to know because now has a choice.

Wrong. Harm is done. You are forcing her to acknowledge her fears and/or suspicious. Daring her to act because he won't. It's not your place, leave her and the children be.

I disagree, no one is forcing her to do anything, either way. Except her husband of course, who is forcing her to be exposed to STI's.

I'd want to hear it from my husband. Tell him you are going to tell her if he doesn't. Force him to tell her. Force him to admit his infidelity and mistakes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you crazy wives that wouldn't want to know!?!?

Hell yes tell her.

I agree - and it seems heartless and disrespectful to just let people remain completely ignorant about the person they are married to.

OP was past disrecpect when she slept with a married man, in his marital bed. This is about revenge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Butt out, leave this family alone. It's not your place to cause more distruction.

Sure OP, tell his wife, bust up his children's lives while you are at it. Like a pp said, maybe she already knows and doesn't care. Or totally in denial or 100 other reasons.

Not OP, but if she already knows and doesn't care then no harm done, right? Being told her husband is cheating doesn't have to bust up anyone's life. If she wants to continue with the status quo then she certainly can. If she doesn't want to live in this kind of situation then she will be glad to know because now has a choice.

Wrong. Harm is done. You are forcing her to acknowledge her fears and/or suspicious. Daring her to act because he won't. It's not your place, leave her and the children be.

Anonymous wrote:Who are you crazy wives that wouldn't want to know!?!?

Hell yes tell her.

I agree - and it seems heartless and disrespectful to just let people remain completely ignorant about the person they are married to.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if it's a crisis of conscience as much as I suddenly realized he'd been lying to me. I was reading here actually a post where a woman said her husband had told his OW they never had sex when in fact they were having sex 3 to 5 times a week.

That made me think about him and I started to realize he could have been lying to me about sexlessness in order to sleep with me. I thought she didn't like sex so in my mind - I know it's twisted - but I felt like I wasn't doing something very wrong to her if I was just doing something with him that she didn't want to do anyway.

But I've caught him in lies before, I know he lies a lot, and that post just made me think about the times he's talked about their sex life and how he could have been following my lead in what to say.

Here's the crux. You want to punish him by telling the wife. Stop it. You can't know whether or not she knows or wants to know. You are going to destroy her life because you want some kind of petty revenge on him.

Let it go. Walk away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Butt out, leave this family alone. It's not your place to cause more distruction.

Sure OP, tell his wife, bust up his children's lives while you are at it. Like a pp said, maybe she already knows and doesn't care. Or totally in denial or 100 other reasons.

Not OP, but if she already knows and doesn't care then no harm done, right? Being told her husband is cheating doesn't have to bust up anyone's life. If she wants to continue with the status quo then she certainly can. If she doesn't want to live in this kind of situation then she will be glad to know because now has a choice.

Anonymous wrote:Butt out, leave this family alone. It's not your place to cause more distruction.

Sure OP, tell his wife, bust up his children's lives while you are at it. Like a pp said, maybe she already knows and doesn't care. Or totally in denial or 100 other reasons.