She likely is like this because she grew up seeing her own Mother act like this & it is likely engrained in her that this was/is normal adult behavior.

She needs to see a counselor for this issue plus get on some good antidepressants.

But she has to first see the error of her ways, then fully acknowledge she needs help.

Hope she can.

OP, my father married someone like this. Over the years, he has lost many of his friends, because of her behavior.--she ruptures relationships in part, I think, to isolate him and make him more depending on her. Intense jealousy of anyone being close to him drives some of her behavior, but not all. he also walks on eggshells and has compromised his relationship with his kids and grandkids because of her verbal abuse--we won't stay there and after she lashed out at my 7 year old, we control visits. He finally admitted to me that she was nuts and abusive but said "its only 20% of the time."

Anonymous wrote:You folks are super quick to Dx someone over the Internet.

Did you ever realize some people are just difficult cranky or have personality traits that are not “disorders” but just not desirable?

Actual narcissistic personality disorder is rare. Being just a plain a-hole is quite common. When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras

Some research indicates that 5-7 percent of American women are NPD/BPD.

Of my five divorced friends, four of the ex-wives showed behaviors consistent with NPD/BPD. The fifth is bi-polar.

Anonymous wrote:Borderline personality disorder

This.

Are these people alcoholics?

My mother is like this. Thankfully she still doesn't want to lose her relationship with my dad and me, so consequences work. If she does something ugly, I disengage. Depending on the severity, i remain disengaged from a few minutes to up to a month. I've told her she's risking cutting off our relationship (and that with her grandson) for good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am reading this thread I started almost three years ago to the day and on the verge of tears. I am finally taking action. I just cannot believe I continue to live with this for as long as I did. FWIW the marriage therapist thinks she has BPD symptoms as well.

Are you the same poster who started the thread on health and medicine about this? Did you have it deleted?

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You sound thoughtful and your kids are lucky to have you.

I started one yesterday and asked to have it deleted as the initial responses were not helpful and then one person started to put things back on me. I just can’t handle that right now. I am by no means perfect but this is a difficult situation.

I found this old thread when I used the search function and was shocked to remember I wrote it three years ago and not much has changed except some more distance (emotional) with my wife.

Ironically she asked for marriage therapy. Last two sessions I challenged some things and asserted myself and now she says the therapist is an idiot and she doesn’t think marriage counseling is helping us.

So I had a session alone and will continue to do so for a while.

Op, my father is like this. He and my mom are still married, but I honestly don’t understand why. I am not sure how much a part of my life he would be if they divorced. I love my mother dearly and hurt for her when he cehaves badly toward her.

My dad has no friends and no community. If he didn’t have kids (and a wife), he would have no one at all who cares about him. He is not a bad/evil guy, just incredibly selfish and unwilling to admit to ever being wrong.

Regarding your original post in 2015 about your kids, all of us kids realized that how my father dealt with people/colleagues was bad, but didn’t really have another model for dealing w conflict. Luckily we have all found other role models since then, and we are not like him.

His behavior has impacted my marriage and trust for men. I am 10 years happily married, and I truly love my DH, but we did therapy several times during the early years.

GL.

Anonymous wrote:It's the fatal flaw of this generation. They seek perfection. When they don't find it they declare others "toxic" and abandon them. No one is perfect. It's a cliche but they don't get it.

STFU OPs STBX was degrading and humiliating her own children.

Boomers are the most self-centered and self-congratulatory generation ever....and a lot of us are in therapy now trying to cope with how you raised us. Sorry our idea if perfection doesn't include being abused emotionally.

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a temper and shows the world a happy face and me an angry face.

+1

Anything to be the good guy, outside of the house.

You folks are super quick to Dx someone over the Internet.

Did you ever realize some people are just difficult cranky or have personality traits that are not “disorders” but just not desirable?

Actual narcissistic personality disorder is rare. Being just a plain a-hole is quite common. When you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras

It's the fatal flaw of this generation. They seek perfection. When they don't find it they declare others "toxic" and abandon them. No one is perfect. It's a cliche but they don't get it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am reading this thread I started almost three years ago to the day and on the verge of tears. I am finally taking action. I just cannot believe I continue to live with this for as long as I did. FWIW the marriage therapist thinks she has BPD symptoms as well.

Are you the same poster who started the thread on health and medicine about this? Did you have it deleted?

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You sound thoughtful and your kids are lucky to have you.

I started one yesterday and asked to have it deleted as the initial responses were not helpful and then one person started to put things back on me. I just can’t handle that right now. I am by no means perfect but this is a difficult situation.

I found this old thread when I used the search function and was shocked to remember I wrote it three years ago and not much has changed except some more distance (emotional) with my wife.

Ironically she asked for marriage therapy. Last two sessions I challenged some things and asserted myself and now she says the therapist is an idiot and she doesn’t think marriage counseling is helping us.

So I had a session alone and will continue to do so for a while.

Sounds just like my ex-wife. Eventually you will be her target 24/7.

Anonymous wrote:I am reading this thread I started almost three years ago to the day and on the verge of tears. I am finally taking action. I just cannot believe I continue to live with this for as long as I did. FWIW the marriage therapist thinks she has BPD symptoms as well.

Hugs, op. My mil is borderline and my DH has had a hard time seeing it. He just gets hurt, gets angry, gets over it, then goes back for more, over and over again. It’s hard to watch. Wishing healing and strength for you.

Anonymous wrote:I am reading this thread I started almost three years ago to the day and on the verge of tears. I am finally taking action. I just cannot believe I continue to live with this for as long as I did. FWIW the marriage therapist thinks she has BPD symptoms as well.

Are you the same poster who started the thread on health and medicine about this? Did you have it deleted?

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You sound thoughtful and your kids are lucky to have you.