Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh here. Just wanted to post a quick update. BF got her MIL to pony up for her kids' tuition, so she's not going to put them in the local public school after all. I did tell neighbor her plan before this turn of events. She was horrified. When the news came that came up with another year of tuition for her kids, neighbor was practically making cartwheels down her driveway. The school is an affordable private by the way, not a 25k one. I have successfully avoided babysitting this year so far, once by pretending not to be home (I was in bed with a cold and DH took the girls to some activity. She texted me "since you're just lying in bed would it be ok if two of them watched a movie while you nap on the couch?" I told her I had gone for some tea at Starbucks). I think she knew this actually, and has really pulled away from me. I do love her but she's turned into SUCH a user it's really ruined our friendship. Hopefully when her kids are older we can try again to be friends.

Good for you! Btw, I also wonder this when people post stories like yours -- doesn't she read DCUM, too? Maybe she's seen this post? Did you change details?

No I didn't change many details because I want her to know I guess. She just sent me a weird text saying that "I treat my girls like they're made of porcelain". Not sure what that means but perhaps she found this and wanted me to understand why she never wants to babysit for me. If so, sorry BF. I love you but I'm not a free, always available babysitter.

Anonymous wrote:Its not gossip if it affects your friend. Of course you should warn her.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Oh here. Just wanted to post a quick update. BF got her MIL to pony up for her kids' tuition, so she's not going to put them in the local public school after all. I did tell neighbor her plan before this turn of events. She was horrified. When the news came that came up with another year of tuition for her kids, neighbor was practically making cartwheels down her driveway. The school is an affordable private by the way, not a 25k one. I have successfully avoided babysitting this year so far, once by pretending not to be home (I was in bed with a cold and DH took the girls to some activity. She texted me "since you're just lying in bed would it be ok if two of them watched a movie while you nap on the couch?" I told her I had gone for some tea at Starbucks). I think she knew this actually, and has really pulled away from me. I do love her but she's turned into SUCH a user it's really ruined our friendship. Hopefully when her kids are older we can try again to be friends.

Good for you! Btw, I also wonder this when people post stories like yours -- doesn't she read DCUM, too? Maybe she's seen this post? Did you change details?

Oh here. Just wanted to post a quick update. BF got her MIL to pony up for her kids' tuition, so she's not going to put them in the local public school after all. I did tell neighbor her plan before this turn of events. She was horrified. When the news came that came up with another year of tuition for her kids, neighbor was practically making cartwheels down her driveway. The school is an affordable private by the way, not a 25k one. I have successfully avoided babysitting this year so far, once by pretending not to be home (I was in bed with a cold and DH took the girls to some activity. She texted me "since you're just lying in bed would it be ok if two of them watched a movie while you nap on the couch?" I told her I had gone for some tea at Starbucks). I think she knew this actually, and has really pulled away from me. I do love her but she's turned into SUCH a user it's really ruined our friendship. Hopefully when her kids are older we can try again to be friends.

Anonymous wrote:How does a friend dump 4 kids for 4 hours without you knowing? It doesn't add up.

Not the OP but I had a former friend ask me to keep her kids for two hours and she came back FOUR hours later than original two hours. I had texted and called her, which she ignored. Of course, I never helped her out again.

"Don't tell Suz, but she is considering a plan where you will watch her boys on weekdays for an hour each morning."

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the constructive comments! My BF is awesome, but has had difficulty handling her boys. We were friends pre-kids, and I'm saddened that I distrust her when it comes to her kids. I am warning the neighbor for sure now. Re-reading my own posts and your comments made it clear that as much as I love my friend she is sneaky and a bit of a user. I've kept my distance from her when I know she's looking for a sitter, but never articulated that to myself. Today, for instance, I will almost definitely get a text from her asking "what's up?" From past experience I know that she's looking for free babysitting so she can hit up the big box stores. So I ignore her until tonight when I can be sure she has either sucked it up or found a sucker. I'm going to talk to neighbor and pretend like the free beforecare is a done deal. If she doesn't care, great! If she does care, I will at least have given her some time to consider it. I would want someone to do that for me.

Thanks again for the responses!

How complicated. Can't you just say no?

--Larla, can you watch my four boys?

--No. I was planning to watch Netflix instead.

23:35, your "friend" is a jackass and I feel bad for her kids. And for you!

"best friend" : this does not mean what you think it means

Not good.

Thanks for all the constructive comments! My BF is awesome, but has had difficulty handling her boys. We were friends pre-kids, and I'm saddened that I distrust her when it comes to her kids. I am warning the neighbor for sure now. Re-reading my own posts and your comments made it clear that as much as I love my friend she is sneaky and a bit of a user. I've kept my distance from her when I know she's looking for a sitter, but never articulated that to myself. Today, for instance, I will almost definitely get a text from her asking "what's up?" From past experience I know that she's looking for free babysitting so she can hit up the big box stores. So I ignore her until tonight when I can be sure she has either sucked it up or found a sucker. I'm going to talk to neighbor and pretend like the free beforecare is a done deal. If she doesn't care, great! If she does care, I will at least have given her some time to consider it. I would want someone to do that for me.

Thanks again for the responses!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you know your best friend wouldn't return the favor? Have you ever asked? Otherwise, how can she be your best friend if you can't talk to her about it?

She claims my kids get nervous around her boys (I have 2 little girls who are shy).

Then she shouldn't dump her boys on you and your girls!

Fully agree. It is true that my girls are fine when I'm there and can keep everyone in check. I love her boys- but I don't want extra work so other people can save a little bit of money or relax when it's at my expense AND it was done in a sneaky way. If she asked me up front, that she wanted to have some quality time with her husband, and could I please help her, I would and have babysat for free. But I don't appreciate it when I'm put in a position where I can't say no(she did not answer her phone when I called and she was gone for 4 hours). It was also very inconvenient and I did not appreciate the disrespectful way she just assumed I could drop everything and stay home all day with her kids.

OP, the bold part indicates to me that she knew exactly what she was doing. What parent who has left all their kids somewhere does not answer the phone when called by the person overseeing the kids? For all she knew, you could have been calling to tell her that the ambulance just took Johnny to the hospital. Nope, she was avoiding calls as she stretched out errands into an afternoon off without telling you in advance.

Others are questioning why you call her your best friend -- some blaming you, it seems, for not talking to her or not being willing just to take her kids willy-nilly.

That's silly of those doing the questioning. You and she can be adult friends whose children don't enter into your friendship. Adults can spend time with each other but never babysit for each other or involve their whole families in outings together, etc. This is not weird (except to some DCUM folks, I guess). You can love her as a person but recognize that she's not the greatest parent. You can be friends with her and say no to her as well. Some folks here don't get that.

And you're right -- she's sneaky. Another vote here for telling the other friend that "Sally mentioned she might put the kids in public school and will need an hour of someone to watch them every day before school if she does that. She might or might not do it, but if she does, you should know that she mentioned you as a person who might take her four kids each morning for an hour. I'm telling you now so that it doesn't come as a surprise IF she brings it up."

+10000


She is extremely sneaky. Which in my book, means she has made herself NOT my friend. GL, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you know your best friend wouldn't return the favor? Have you ever asked? Otherwise, how can she be your best friend if you can't talk to her about it?

She claims my kids get nervous around her boys (I have 2 little girls who are shy).

Then she shouldn't dump her boys on you and your girls!

Fully agree. It is true that my girls are fine when I'm there and can keep everyone in check. I love her boys- but I don't want extra work so other people can save a little bit of money or relax when it's at my expense AND it was done in a sneaky way. If she asked me up front, that she wanted to have some quality time with her husband, and could I please help her, I would and have babysat for free. But I don't appreciate it when I'm put in a position where I can't say no(she did not answer her phone when I called and she was gone for 4 hours). It was also very inconvenient and I did not appreciate the disrespectful way she just assumed I could drop everything and stay home all day with her kids.

OP, the bold part indicates to me that she knew exactly what she was doing. What parent who has left all their kids somewhere does not answer the phone when called by the person overseeing the kids? For all she knew, you could have been calling to tell her that the ambulance just took Johnny to the hospital. Nope, she was avoiding calls as she stretched out errands into an afternoon off without telling you in advance.

Others are questioning why you call her your best friend -- some blaming you, it seems, for not talking to her or not being willing just to take her kids willy-nilly.

That's silly of those doing the questioning. You and she can be adult friends whose children don't enter into your friendship. Adults can spend time with each other but never babysit for each other or involve their whole families in outings together, etc. This is not weird (except to some DCUM folks, I guess). You can love her as a person but recognize that she's not the greatest parent. You can be friends with her and say no to her as well. Some folks here don't get that.

And you're right -- she's sneaky. Another vote here for telling the other friend that "Sally mentioned she might put the kids in public school and will need an hour of someone to watch them every day before school if she does that. She might or might not do it, but if she does, you should know that she mentioned you as a person who might take her four kids each morning for an hour. I'm telling you now so that it doesn't come as a surprise IF she brings it up."

I don't know about warning the friend but OP I would totally call this friend back and ask her to watch the girls so you can get your nails done and go out with your DH. Not bring them to the boys but just her come over to your house. Her DH can watch the boys and you get the break you EARNED by sitting for her. At least get your payback!

I think you should warn your friend. in this specific instance, since your best friend tends to be sneaky about it and your other friend is a pushover, she could use a heads up.

Your best friend may try to play her neighbor the way she played you. Oh, could you watch the littlest one for 15 minutes in the morning? And then she shows up with all 4 an hour early with an 'emergency'