This is my in-laws to a T. I can't count the number of times I've stopped someone else's child from wandering into a street. Now I'm the parent of the youngest niece/nephew and dreading the years of being the only parent to be with the kids since mine is young enough to need supervision and others have shown already they don't supervise their children, even when they are under 3. Regardless of the other children's ages, there is always a fight, or someone getting hurt (no hospital visits yet). So yeah, I think other parents should be watching their kids evn though they're up to age 12. I like the idea of creating a schedule in advance of who is watching the kids when. Then, everyone knows what to expect. The challenge with this is if you don't trust someone to watch the kids...then it is probably better to just watch them yourself.

You can kind of tell by reading this thread who watches their kids and who doesn't...

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. It's always the 3+ kids parents who just expect other adults to watch their kids on outings, in public, etc. WATCH YOUR OWN KIDS. It doesn't "take a village," it takes YOU to be the parents. The village already done raised their kids, or only had one or two for a reason, do you get it?

Kind of harsh, but true. My husband and I chose to have 2 because we feel that is managable and works for us financially, energy-wise, etc. My sister has 4 and acts like it is everybody's responsibility to help her because it's sooooooo hard and she never gets a break.

No! This is my vacation. My husband and I take equal time with our kids and give each other breaks so that we can get time to ourselves and time to properly chat with other adults, talk to the older nieces and nephews, etc. I'm sorry you feel overwhelmed, but I'm busy being a parent to my kids and enjoying my vacation; YOU need to watch your kids, *or ask someone else to watch them for a bit so you can relax, but at least recognize it is a FAVOR, and say "please" and "thank you."*

If she would just ASK and be grateful for the help, it wouldn't be a big deal. But the whole "everyone is in charge of my kids" attitude is so obnoxious!

OP, my SIL pulled this stunt every year at the beach rental. SO tiresome. You need to disappear, also.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the thing is that yours are young enough that you guys are still in"watch kids" mode all the time. He over have older ones so they are used to not watching as much. Different parenting styles. But the cousin napping while watching kids would make me mad.

Not OP, but I can read. Littlest ones for sister/cousin are 4 and 3. You had better damn well be in "watch the kids" mode all the time.

NP here. I think the point is only the 3 and 4 year old really need constant *watching*. That's different than 5.

Even a 3 or 4 year old can play in a room with an older sibling while a parent naps in the same house. Outside with a lake is different, but in the example the OP gave the kids were all contained.

If you consider "contained" to be *playing with ice-skates with sharp blades unsupervised,* or being in a kitchen that presumably has knives, a gas stove, even just a recycling bin with possibly sharp cans (the child in the kitchen was 2), then you are one of the checked out parents OP was referring to.

How can the child in the kitchen have been 2 when there were only 2 girls and the "girls" were upstairs, and the youngest boy was 4.

2 and 4 are two totally different things. The vast majority of 4 year olds are capable of being in a kitchen.

The "blades" on ice skates, new or old aren't sharp. When you "sharpen" ice skates, you sharpen them to a right angle, which would be like the dullest knife on the planet.

You really are incapable of following this, aren't you. The OP was giving an example of what happened "one time." She also referred to her "then-only child." When the first person questioned the ages, she clarified that the child was TWO at the time and is FOUR now.

God, I wish people would get stop ignoring facts in order to justify their own stupid opinions.

THANK you!

Anonymous wrote:My sister does this shit every year at the beach. We will all be sitting around and realize she and her DH are gone. So, who's watching the kids? Us? WTF? (4 kids, FTR, and nobody else has any.) Sadly, my solution has been not to spend much time at the beach vacation and to plan lots of trips out of the house. I love my nieces & nephews, but sis seems not to realize that "vacation" doesn't mean "vacation from parenting." She's always going on about how she never gets any "me time," and she "deserves" a nice night out. Okay, well, arrange for someone to,watch your kids. Don't assume. Also, being a SAHM to 4 kids: your choice. Live with it.

All of this!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the thing is that yours are young enough that you guys are still in"watch kids" mode all the time. He over have older ones so they are used to not watching as much. Different parenting styles. But the cousin napping while watching kids would make me mad.

Not OP, but I can read. Littlest ones for sister/cousin are 4 and 3. You had better damn well be in "watch the kids" mode all the time.

NP here. I think the point is only the 3 and 4 year old really need constant *watching*. That's different than 5.

Even a 3 or 4 year old can play in a room with an older sibling while a parent naps in the same house. Outside with a lake is different, but in the example the OP gave the kids were all contained.

If you consider "contained" to be *playing with ice-skates with sharp blades unsupervised,* or being in a kitchen that presumably has knives, a gas stove, even just a recycling bin with possibly sharp cans (the child in the kitchen was 2), then you are one of the checked out parents OP was referring to.

How can the child in the kitchen have been 2 when there were only 2 girls and the "girls" were upstairs, and the youngest boy was 4.

2 and 4 are two totally different things. The vast majority of 4 year olds are capable of being in a kitchen.

The "blades" on ice skates, new or old aren't sharp. When you "sharpen" ice skates, you sharpen them to a right angle, which would be like the dullest knife on the planet.

You really are incapable of following this, aren't you. The OP was giving an example of what happened "one time." She also referred to her "then-only child." When the first person questioned the ages, she clarified that the child was TWO at the time and is FOUR now.

God, I wish people would get stop ignoring facts in order to justify their own stupid opinions.

My sister does this shit every year at the beach. We will all be sitting around and realize she and her DH are gone. So, who's watching the kids? Us? WTF? (4 kids, FTR, and nobody else has any.) Sadly, my solution has been not to spend much time at the beach vacation and to plan lots of trips out of the house. I love my nieces & nephews, but sis seems not to realize that "vacation" doesn't mean "vacation from parenting." She's always going on about how she never gets any "me time," and she "deserves" a nice night out. Okay, well, arrange for someone to,watch your kids. Don't assume. Also, being a SAHM to 4 kids: your choice. Live with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the thing is that yours are young enough that you guys are still in"watch kids" mode all the time. He over have older ones so they are used to not watching as much. Different parenting styles. But the cousin napping while watching kids would make me mad.

Not OP, but I can read. Littlest ones for sister/cousin are 4 and 3. You had better damn well be in "watch the kids" mode all the time.

NP here. I think the point is only the 3 and 4 year old really need constant *watching*. That's different than 5.

Even a 3 or 4 year old can play in a room with an older sibling while a parent naps in the same house. Outside with a lake is different, but in the example the OP gave the kids were all contained.

If you consider "contained" to be *playing with ice-skates with sharp blades unsupervised,* or being in a kitchen that presumably has knives, a gas stove, even just a recycling bin with possibly sharp cans (the child in the kitchen was 2), then you are one of the checked out parents OP was referring to.

How can the child in the kitchen have been 2 when there were only 2 girls and the "girls" were upstairs, and the youngest boy was 4.

2 and 4 are two totally different things. The vast majority of 4 year olds are capable of being in a kitchen.

The "blades" on ice skates, new or old aren't sharp. When you "sharpen" ice skates, you sharpen them to a right angle, which would be like the dullest knife on the planet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So do they ever act as a supervising adult? Like if you and your DH goes off, can you EVER say, "Hey, sis/cuz, can you keep an eye on Larla and Larlo? I am going to grab a quick nap?". Or are they always gone?

My family (and my in-laws) do this, but it is more of an unspoken understanding that anyone that sees any child is justified in correcting them/keeping them safe, but you have to pull your weight, you know? You can't disappear ALL of the damn time.

Sadly, no...and frankly, with the way they are, I don't know that I'd really trust them to actually watch my kids while I took a walk or anything longer than a quick shower. For example, my older cousin was once "watching her kids" and my sister's kids while my sister napped before my family arrived. My sister and cousins were the only adults there at the time. When I arrived with my then-only child, I found my cousin asleep on the couch, the boys arguing in the back room, the toddler in the kitchen, and my sister's two girls upstairs unsupervised in the (finished) attic area where we keep toys, life jackets...and the old-style tie-on ice skates they were PLAYING WITH. It's just not worth it, and it's a very unbalanced dynamic.

My sister always takes umbrage when I correct her kids, which I only do when I think they are doing something dangerous.

If your sister takes umbrage when you correct her kids, start correcting them all the time. Hopefully she takes do much umbrage that she decides to stay at home and watch her kids. In the meantime, let her know that if you're responsible for the kids, then you get to correct them as you see fit.

+1
This was my reaction as well. If they are leaving the children in your care, all of the children follow your rules. If either mother doesn't care for it, then they can take their turns minding the children and enforce their rules. Stop holding back and trying to be nice.

Exactly. I wouldn't say this in front of the kids, because I wouldn't want them to think they're a burden, but if my sister complained, I would have her step into the next room and say, "Believe me, I don't want to discipline your kids. I think that should be your job. But do is watching them, and you and Cedric keep wandering off. So be the parent or stop complaining that other people are."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the thing is that yours are young enough that you guys are still in"watch kids" mode all the time. He over have older ones so they are used to not watching as much. Different parenting styles. But the cousin napping while watching kids would make me mad.

Not OP, but I can read. Littlest ones for sister/cousin are 4 and 3. You had better damn well be in "watch the kids" mode all the time.

NP here. I think the point is only the 3 and 4 year old really need constant *watching*. That's different than 5.

Even a 3 or 4 year old can play in a room with an older sibling while a parent naps in the same house. Outside with a lake is different, but in the example the OP gave the kids were all contained.

If you consider "contained" to be *playing with ice-skates with sharp blades unsupervised,* or being in a kitchen that presumably has knives, a gas stove, even just a recycling bin with possibly sharp cans (the child in the kitchen was 2), then you are one of the checked out parents OP was referring to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So do they ever act as a supervising adult? Like if you and your DH goes off, can you EVER say, "Hey, sis/cuz, can you keep an eye on Larla and Larlo? I am going to grab a quick nap?". Or are they always gone?

My family (and my in-laws) do this, but it is more of an unspoken understanding that anyone that sees any child is justified in correcting them/keeping them safe, but you have to pull your weight, you know? You can't disappear ALL of the damn time.

Sadly, no...and frankly, with the way they are, I don't know that I'd really trust them to actually watch my kids while I took a walk or anything longer than a quick shower. For example, my older cousin was once "watching her kids" and my sister's kids while my sister napped before my family arrived. My sister and cousins were the only adults there at the time. When I arrived with my then-only child, I found my cousin asleep on the couch, the boys arguing in the back room, the toddler in the kitchen, and my sister's two girls upstairs unsupervised in the (finished) attic area where we keep toys, life jackets...and the old-style tie-on ice skates they were PLAYING WITH. It's just not worth it, and it's a very unbalanced dynamic.

My sister always takes umbrage when I correct her kids, which I only do when I think they are doing something dangerous.

If your sister takes umbrage when you correct her kids, start correcting them all the time. Hopefully she takes do much umbrage that she decides to stay at home and watch her kids. In the meantime, let her know that if you're responsible for the kids, then you get to correct them as you see fit.

+1
This was my reaction as well. If they are leaving the children in your care, all of the children follow your rules. If either mother doesn't care for it, then they can take their turns minding the children and enforce their rules. Stop holding back and trying to be nice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one else has suggested this, so I will. Why don't you hire a babysitter (or two) to watch the kids? Everyone who has kids can chip in and then everyone can relax.

I like this idea. Definitely need more than one person for this number of kids though.

I think you can pick specific times to do this, but probably difficult/expensive to have them the entire vacation.

The relatives sound like an extremely annoying category of parent that equate a "vacation" as a 100% vacation from any and all responsibilities. The reality is that, once you have kids, you just can't do that. You are still "on".
I don't think these people are going to change, and it's all well and good for people to say "just worry about your kids" but in reality that's hard to do.
I'm a pretty laid-back non-helicopter parent, but this would drive me crazy. I think OP should seriously consider not participating in these large family get-togethers at the lake house until the kids are older. You are supposed to be having fun, and it seems like it would be hard to have fun under these circumstances.

OP, as difficult as it may be, just be nice. It sounds like you already are the nice aunt, keep it this way.
If you start drawing lines in the sand now, you sister may say to her kids something like "no you can't go outside because aunt susie will only watch her own kids" or something annoying like that. The kids know what's going on-they will always remember how nice you are to them.
Trust me, btdt, better to just focus on the kids and be nice.

Anonymous wrote:No one else has suggested this, so I will. Why don't you hire a babysitter (or two) to watch the kids? Everyone who has kids can chip in and then everyone can relax.

I like this idea. Definitely need more than one person for this number of kids though.