I work in IT. I don't LOVE my job but I do like working. I feel that it is intellectually challenging. Don't get me wrong, some days I like to daydream about quitting and being a SAHM but I've worked since high school and I think I wouldn't be ok just staying at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I only asked because I seem to come across women who work and bemoan their jobs and wish their DH made more so they could just be a SAHM.

I also know women whose entire goal in life is to be a SAHM.

Like is not the correct word. I think I truly appreciate where I am in my career, and I hope for more achievements. But I ultimately do this for money. This does not mean my entire goal in life is to SAH. Homemaker's job is too tedious and exhausting for me. I wish I was wealthy enough to do as I pleased, but I would still chose to do something with my life. SAH is just not enough. Most SAHMs I know can't afford to outsource much, and I would be 100% miserable living their lives. I don't think it would do my children any good.

+1. I think most women are like this. I don't love my job but I like being able to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do! I love my career and am good at it. Can't say what I do, but I'm very happy.

Why, I can't think of a single job (maybe a spy) that could say a statement like this.

what do woman do when they have to work weekends, 3 in a row. from 5:00 AM to 11:00 PM. How do people handle this and like their job?

People just get abused where I work. How does everyone else handle this?

Anonymous wrote:The test of this is..if I were to win the lottery the next day would I work? The answer is no. So no i don't like working, I work to sustain myself.

I was going to post something very similar. I like my job fine. If I won the lottery tonight, I'd stop working immediately. I work to live, and if I didn't have to, I wouldn't.

The test of this is..if I were to win the lottery the next day would I work? The answer is no. So no i don't like working, I work to sustain myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I only asked because I seem to come across women who work and bemoan their jobs and wish their DH made more so they could just be a SAHM.

I also know women whose entire goal in life is to be a SAHM.

I love my job and I'm proud of the fact that I can support myself, use my brain on a daily basis, and am a responsible adult (not relying on a man to support me).

I don't know a single woman who works and bemoans her job and wishes to stay at home. I do know a few women whose entire goal is to be a SAHM. I don't have much respect for them, but their life choices are meaningless to me but can well be unfortunate choices for them in the future.

I'm not a SAHM and enjoy working, but wow are you prejudiced. Have you ever considered that there are long-term downsides to being a working wife and mother? A friend in her late 50s is currently in the midst of a horrendous divorce in which it looks like she is going to be penalized for having always worked (except 6 week maternity leaves). Yes, she CAN support herself and the kids are "alright", but her lawyer has been upfront that she'll get very little financial consideration for having having to start over career wise again and again as she followed her STBX all over the country for his career. He told her she'd have been better off in the long run as a SAHM.

Her lawyer should be fired. Almost always, a well-educated woman with the potential to work will not get more than a few years of alimony to get herself back up to working speed. Once she hopefully is gainfully employed, there is very little likelihood that she will earn as much as a woman who stayed in the workforce her entire life. Her lawyer should know better than to say she should have been a SAHM. She might have gotten more money intiially, but given that most women now can expect to live past 80 and need to earn enough to save well into retirement, there is no way that in the long run she would have been better off as a SAHM.

I love my career and while being a mom is awesome (I have two girls), my career has fulfilled me in completely different ways that I could not have as a SAHM. Note I'm saying this is MY perspective on MY life - not saying all SAHMS are not fulfilled in the same way. So please no one grabbing my post and trashing me for being anti-SAHM. I am not. It's not for me.

My mom stayed home and enjoyed some parts of it, but did go back to teaching after we were grown (she worked part time at the school when I started elementary school and then ramped back up to FT when I left for college). It was easy for her to go back to teaching and she didn't do it for the money, but I don't think it would be easy for me to pick up my career after a long time off.

I enjoy what I do and like a PP said, enjoy external motivation. I also think it is a nice buffer to have extra income and 2 people in the workforce, though my husband makes more than me. We both have good flexibility and neither of us works long hours so I've never felt particularly pulled in 2 directions, though I realize many working parents are.

I grew up in a pretty wealthy community, smaller town than DC area, where most women stayed home and a lot of my mom's friends are not doing well after divorce or the death of their husbands. I can think of at least 10 who are either working retail and don't want to be, or forced to get a roommate they don't want, etc. I think it hard to predict what the economy will do and many of the men who had a lot of earning potential and made great investments in the 80s and 90s are not doing nearly as well now.

It's entirely possible to both love your job and wish you could SAH to focus on your kids...

I think women who want nothing more than the SAH life are overrepresented on DCUM because (at least if the claims are true) many HHIs are high enough that SAH is a very common, workable option in this area. It doesn't by any means that there is some scarcity of women who enjoy their careers.

It's not, as is often presented here, that either you WOH because you hate kids and just want gobs of money or that your lazy ass wants your spouse to do all the hard work so you can SAH.

For me the ideal would have been to work until I have kids, then take some years off to focus on them, and reenter the work force once they're out of the house. Unfortunately, as a single parent, that is not in the cards unless I come into a ridiculous inheritance or win the lottery.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I only asked because I seem to come across women who work and bemoan their jobs and wish their DH made more so they could just be a SAHM.

I also know women whose entire goal in life is to be a SAHM.

I love my job and I'm proud of the fact that I can support myself, use my brain on a daily basis, and am a responsible adult (not relying on a man to support me).

I don't know a single woman who works and bemoans her job and wishes to stay at home. I do know a few women whose entire goal is to be a SAHM. I don't have much respect for them, but their life choices are meaningless to me but can well be unfortunate choices for them in the future.

I'm not a SAHM and enjoy working, but wow are you prejudiced. Have you ever considered that there are long-term downsides to being a working wife and mother? A friend in her late 50s is currently in the midst of a horrendous divorce in which it looks like she is going to be penalized for having always worked (except 6 week maternity leaves). Yes, she CAN support herself and the kids are "alright", but her lawyer has been upfront that she'll get very little financial consideration for having having to start over career wise again and again as she followed her STBX all over the country for his career. He told her she'd have been better off in the long run as a SAHM.

Basing your decision to work or not work based on your possible divorce settlement is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.

I'm with PP. Making your entire life goal to be a SAHM is silly. Eventually the kids grow up - what do you do then? There's also something to be said about having the capability to support yourself, not necessarily in the case of divorce but in the case something (god forbid) happens to your husband.

Ironically, this is exactly what many of the WOHMs here on DCUM claim to be doing - working, so that in case of a divorce, etc., they'll have a job. So how is planning for that hypothetical divorce not stupid, but the above scenario apparently is (to you)?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I only asked because I seem to come across women who work and bemoan their jobs and wish their DH made more so they could just be a SAHM.

I also know women whose entire goal in life is to be a SAHM.

I love my job and I'm proud of the fact that I can support myself, use my brain on a daily basis, and am a responsible adult (not relying on a man to support me).

I don't know a single woman who works and bemoans her job and wishes to stay at home. I do know a few women whose entire goal is to be a SAHM. I don't have much respect for them, but their life choices are meaningless to me but can well be unfortunate choices for them in the future.

Wow, are you smug. I'm a WOHM but used to be a SAHM. While I enjoy my current career, I can honestly say that the most meaningful time of my life were the eight years I stayed home with my kids. My experience is completely different than yours in that all of the women I work with would trade their careers for being at home with their kids any day. We've had many conversations about this very subject, and those who never stayed home with their kids deeply regret it now.

Guess what: choosing to be a SAHM, either temporarily or permanently, is a worthwhile goal. When I was at home, our family ran smoothly and everyone was happy and calm. The kids were never hustled out of the house at the crack of dawn and left in daycare or with a nanny for all hours. I will be forever grateful that their childhood was marked not by a blur of frantic childcare juggling, but steady, consistent care from a parent - and I will be forever grateful that I got to be that parent.

Maybe you should check your superiority complex and realize that your life choices are meaningless to others as well. Good thing we can all do what's right for our own families rather than trying to impress bitter people like yourself.

Another former Sah that now woh and I agree with this completely. I work because I like my job, we don't need my income (I'm a gov't attorney). However, I am so thankful for the years I had at home with my kids. About a decade of work before kids and hopefully many more ahead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I only asked because I seem to come across women who work and bemoan their jobs and wish their DH made more so they could just be a SAHM.

I also know women whose entire goal in life is to be a SAHM.

I love my job and I'm proud of the fact that I can support myself, use my brain on a daily basis, and am a responsible adult (not relying on a man to support me).

I don't know a single woman who works and bemoans her job and wishes to stay at home. I do know a few women whose entire goal is to be a SAHM. I don't have much respect for them, but their life choices are meaningless to me but can well be unfortunate choices for them in the future.

I'm not a SAHM and enjoy working, but wow are you prejudiced. Have you ever considered that there are long-term downsides to being a working wife and mother? A friend in her late 50s is currently in the midst of a horrendous divorce in which it looks like she is going to be penalized for having always worked (except 6 week maternity leaves). Yes, she CAN support herself and the kids are "alright", but her lawyer has been upfront that she'll get very little financial consideration for having having to start over career wise again and again as she followed her STBX all over the country for his career. He told her she'd have been better off in the long run as a SAHM.

Basing your decision to work or not work based on your possible divorce settlement is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.

I'm with PP. Making your entire life goal to be a SAHM is silly. Eventually the kids grow up - what do you do then? There's also something to be said about having the capability to support yourself, not necessarily in the case of divorce but in the case something (god forbid) happens to your husband.

Why the stupidest? Statistics tell us future divorce is a very reasonable assumption for most.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I only asked because I seem to come across women who work and bemoan their jobs and wish their DH made more so they could just be a SAHM.

I also know women whose entire goal in life is to be a SAHM.

Like is not the correct word. I think I truly appreciate where I am in my career, and I hope for more achievements. But I ultimately do this for money. This does not mean my entire goal in life is to SAH. Homemaker's job is too tedious and exhausting for me. I wish I was wealthy enough to do as I pleased, but I would still chose to do something with my life. SAH is just not enough. Most SAHMs I know can't afford to outsource much, and I would be 100% miserable living their lives. I don't think it would do my children any good.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I only asked because I seem to come across women who work and bemoan their jobs and wish their DH made more so they could just be a SAHM.

I also know women whose entire goal in life is to be a SAHM.

But don't most of the women you know love their jobs? If not, I suspect you mostly associate with women who work in retail or some other job where people (men and women) are treated poorly. Is that true?

Anonymous wrote:I do! I love my career and am good at it. Can't say what I do, but I'm very happy.

Why, I can't think of a single job (maybe a spy) that could say a statement like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I only asked because I seem to come across women who work and bemoan their jobs and wish their DH made more so they could just be a SAHM.

I also know women whose entire goal in life is to be a SAHM.

I love my job and I'm proud of the fact that I can support myself, use my brain on a daily basis, and am a responsible adult (not relying on a man to support me).

I don't know a single woman who works and bemoans her job and wishes to stay at home. I do know a few women whose entire goal is to be a SAHM. I don't have much respect for them, but their life choices are meaningless to me but can well be unfortunate choices for them in the future.

I'm not a SAHM and enjoy working, but wow are you prejudiced. Have you ever considered that there are long-term downsides to being a working wife and mother? A friend in her late 50s is currently in the midst of a horrendous divorce in which it looks like she is going to be penalized for having always worked (except 6 week maternity leaves). Yes, she CAN support herself and the kids are "alright", but her lawyer has been upfront that she'll get very little financial consideration for having having to start over career wise again and again as she followed her STBX all over the country for his career. He told her she'd have been better off in the long run as a SAHM.

Basing your decision to work or not work based on your possible divorce settlement is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.

I'm with PP. Making your entire life goal to be a SAHM is silly. Eventually the kids grow up - what do you do then? There's also something to be said about having the capability to support yourself, not necessarily in the case of divorce but in the case something (god forbid) happens to your husband.