Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't have to do it. You have a family that works for you.

OP here. Being one and done works for me. Being one and done does not work for my husband. He is pressuring me to do IVF and doesn't seem to care what I have to go through, as long as he gets a second child. I feel like he views me as a baby making machine, and is already resentful that I have decreased ovarian reserve and that I haven't already gotten pregnant. I believe that he will harbor resentment forever if I do not go through with IVF.

Hmmm, this is the first time you've sounded like you really don't want to go through with it because you only want one child as opposed to wanting two children but having reservations about IVF itself. I think you need to be honest with yourself about whether you want to be one and done because that is the family you want or whether you are reacting out of fear because IVF freaks you out but you really WANT more children. Which is it?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't have to do it. You have a family that works for you.

OP here. Being one and done works for me. Being one and done does not work for my husband. He is pressuring me to do IVF and doesn't seem to care what I have to go through, as long as he gets a second child. I feel like he views me as a baby making machine, and is already resentful that I have decreased ovarian reserve and that I haven't already gotten pregnant. I believe that he will harbor resentment forever if I do not go through with IVF.

OP, you don't have to do it. You have a family that works for you. You have said you don't feel like you have the support you feel you'd need to get through it. People on this board are more likely to be the ones who did/are doing IVF and thus are going to encourage it even while knowing that it's hard. But just because other people do it doesn't mean it's right for you. It's good you made a choice and I hope you continue to feel satisfied with it.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm leaning toward not doing IVF. I just really don't think I can go through all that.

Is anyone else here who is dealing with the same issues in the NoVa burbs? Maybe we could form our own support group.

I'm the PP with the step-by-step advice. I'm in NoVa (Alexandria) and would be happy to discuss in person with the caveat that I WOH full-time and have my little IVF success stories.

OP here. I'm leaning toward not doing IVF. I just really don't think I can go through all that.

Is anyone else here who is dealing with the same issues in the NoVa burbs? Maybe we could form our own support group.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your replies. I think one of the biggest barriers in my mind is the fact that I have close to zero emotional support. My husband is supportive, but he won't be able to be with me at the appointments much unless my MIL is able to come in from out of state. Also, he sees this journey as he wants a second child no matter what I have to go through, but for me it's more complicated because I am the one who has to go through all of the IVF stuff--being poked, prodded and monitored. But beyond that, not having any support would make it very hard to go through all of this, as this is a long journey.

PP whose therapist helped her come up with a framework to get through the whole process day by day, could you share a little bit about that and what you found most helpful?

A support group only helps so much. I would need some major hand holding on a daily basis through this whole thing, and that's what I will be unable to find, not in my husband or anyone else given the lack of social support/community that we have.

PP here. The issue for me was to break things down into the smallest possible components and then come up with a way that I could deal with each one. Take a normal day during the height of IVF.

First, you obviously have to receive certain medications. To get through this, I did a vaginal insert for progesterone instead of a big needle. For the other hormones, I asked that they put me on a protocol that allows you to combine medications into a single shot. I then iced the heck out of the area before the shot and had DH give me the shot. The first few times it was a production, because I was a mess, but it got easier and easier. By the most recent cycle, it kinds of clicked that the anticipation was so much worse than the real thing. On one cycle, the medication burned, but only a bit like when you spray a scrape. On another, the injections really didn't hurt at all.

Second, you have to have bloodwork. For me, I asked to minimize the bloodwork as much as possible. I also asked for and received medication to get me through it. I was able to find a dose that made me largely compliant but still able to remember what was going on and functional for the rest of the day.

Third, you have to have a transvaginal ultrasound. Honestly, these weren't a big deal for me, so I just focused on the fact that no needle was involved,

At the end of every day during my first cycle, I got myself a small treat - a nail polish or a book. After ER was over, meaning the needles were through, I treated myself to something bigger I'd been wanting. That way, if it didn't work, I had something to "show" for it. None of this was necessary for subsequent cycles, but it really helped get me through, and I started with sobbing that I couldn't do it and literally running away from my husband when he brought a needle in my general vicinity.

I'm in the same boat as you, same age, secondary infertility. I do have a support system, no logistical issues and I'm not afraid of doctors, but I still don't know if I want to do it. From what I've read here, IVF is not easy. The thing that scares me the most is the disappointment if it doesn't work. I didn't even handle negative pregnancy tests well.

Why can't you hire a babysitter?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nightly IM shots for a FET do hurt and they are enormous needles. I know because I am doing them now. Also I cannot do them myself so my husband has to be home at that time every night. The biggest issue for me has been the post transfer rest with a toddler. It's pretty much impossible as a SAHM.

You CAN do them yourself. You are just choosing not to. Also, studies show they are not necessary. Bed rest is also not necessary.

I am telling you that I cannot twist around and stab myself in the rear end with a 2 inch needle. Maybe you can but I can't. I am also not talking about bed rest. I am talking about picking up and chasing a 30 lb toddler all day when my clinic told me to take it easy and not to pick him up. Plus the emotional toll and physical effects of the medicines sometimes make it hard to be fully there for the child you have. This is my experience.

You can ask the clinic to switch you to Endometrin or Prometrium - both are vaginal inserts that are equally effective to the PIO shots. You don't have to pick up the toddler for a couple of days. You can change diaper on the floor and eliminate any situation where it's pick up or die. Just because he wants to be picked up it doesn't mean it must be so every single time, come on. Emotional toll is something entirely different, that's why PPs mentioned therapy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nightly IM shots for a FET do hurt and they are enormous needles. I know because I am doing them now. Also I cannot do them myself so my husband has to be home at that time every night. The biggest issue for me has been the post transfer rest with a toddler. It's pretty much impossible as a SAHM.

You CAN do them yourself. You are just choosing not to. Also, studies show they are not necessary. Bed rest is also not necessary.

I am telling you that I cannot twist around and stab myself in the rear end with a 2 inch needle. Maybe you can but I can't. I am also not talking about bed rest. I am talking about picking up and chasing a 30 lb toddler all day when my clinic told me to take it easy and not to pick him up. Plus the emotional toll and physical effects of the medicines sometimes make it hard to be fully there for the child you have. This is my experience.

Honestly, I was uncomfortable with ART and decided we would not do it. I have never once wanted to change my mind on that decision. I think we sometimes forget that all of this is completely optional. You don't need to force yourself to do something that creates stress in your life. Instead, enjoy the life you have.